More than One

Masterbenjie • Dec 7, 2018

I find it common for a sub to have a main dom but have other secret doms that are less serious but more fun, and some doms also prefer to just have one sub, it’s just a matter of preference, some doms (some rare doms) don’t mind if you want to play with other doms as long as you are still there’s and it’s also a owner thing, people don’t like to share what they Own

PappaBear • Dec 7, 2018

While the idea that some Doms do seem to "collect subs" as a means of adorning their Dom/me belt is a fair and valid point AND that some subs may seek out multiple Doms as a means of getting extra attention, I submit there are many different reasons for both practices that have nothing whatsoever to do with either reason described as such...

Are you only a slave? Are you only a masochist? Are you only a little, fuck slut, pain slut, blah blah blah.... NOPE! Probably not. So if you can't find a Dom that you click with that fulfills all of your needs, who the hell is to say you as a person (<-- yeah, I said it) should be less entitled to find a situation through 2 or more Doms that you do click with and who can fulfill those needs? There is no reason two intelligent Doms (yeah, I know in many cases it's an oxymoron) and CARING Dom/mes can't work out a simple share plan... Gee, off the top of my head how about alternating weeks for instance to give the sub what they truly need and not feed an ego. This does NOT make you weak or a Service Top. To my mind, it's a sign of true Dominance to be comfortable enough in your own self to set aside that ego and realize that that person who you connect with may have needs that you do not address. It means you have been able to Master that primal baby like urge to cry "mine!"

You are a person FIRST. A person who identifies as X, Y, and or Z. This is YOU not THEM. THEY do not get a say in what makes you tick or what your needs should be. They have the option to take it or leave it. Just as you have the option to take or leave their offer.

Still not there? Ok try this...
This guy has the best, but not the only, bread in town and does not sell water. He tells you, you may buy my bread, but if you do, you can't drink water from the only water well in town... Are you really going to buy that bread and die a week later of dehydration?
I sure hope your answer was no. The Bread may be any one or set of needs you have. The water... same thing. The point is simple... Man cannot live by bread alone. Neither can a sub. So if you as a Dom see you can't live up to and fulfill that need in a potential or you've already entered into an agreement with your sub, would you really let them dehydrate and wither because you can't pull your head out of your "entitled" ass?

Now, let's look at the Dom's collection... Is it not possible that a Dom/me might find another more selfless reason to collect subs than to add to a bloated ego... of course it is. We're not all C3-PO. (Get it, get it, we're not all protocol droids) If you are Domming by the book, ugh boy did you miss the boat. It's not a one size fits all life folks. Same rules apply to the Dom as a person as a sub... I have a sub that can't fulfill this, but this one does... I connect emotionally with this one but this one wants me to use them however I see fit with no emotional ties. Or what if it's a case of picking up and nurturing strays (yeah, totally me). You see them bent and broken and you pick them up and brush them off, give them some warmth and love ready, to send them on their way... and damn it if you don't get attached. Most of the time it's not too hard, but sometimes you come across one that just melts your big ole Grinchy Dom heart.


Full disclosure: I have been sick for 3 days with a splitting headache, fever, and dizziness. If any of this feels like an attack on someone I assure you it is 100% coincidence.

EnforcedBliss​(dom male) • Dec 7, 2018

I could not agree with you more PappaBear. Every word is gospel.

If I gave the impression that I think every dom with multiple subs fits the description I gave then I wholeheartedly step back from that. There are, no doubt, good and caring doms that have multiple subs and who provide the attention and nurturing those subs need. And if that works for everyone involved and everyone is taken care of then it's all good. That is the only thing that matters to me. If everyone is happy and no one feels coerced then let them carry on bravely though hell should bar the way.

Loved the C3POO crack man, dorky but just obscure and precise enough to be cool

SweetSirRendering​(sub female) • Dec 7, 2018

perfectly put, PapaB. i dont think just letting the wookie win is the best strategy either.

SweetSirRendering​(sub female) • Dec 7, 2018

for me , right now, i cannot see myself serving more than one Dom, so i would be careful to ensure the Dom has all the things. We are all different, so it really is whatever we / each of us want needs. Agrees with all ya'll ... as long as you aren't trying to impose your own rules on everyone else.

Uh, I respectfully disagree....

PappaBear • Dec 7, 2018

OH YES IT IS!!! That's not a Dom... it's a WOOKIEEEEE!

More than One has more than one answer.

notavanilla • Dec 7, 2018

It is a question that has been answered in people's lives. As we all know that everything has been done before and subs collecting or shopping has as well. Like all relationships there is dynamics and that is the meat of the matter, who is involved and what are they like? It all depends on how many people are involved as well because that adds to the dimension of the complexities to the overall situation.
The overall hoped for result is; can this work?
Now many people have expressed that with one they have their hands full. As a dom you can handle more than one because they ( doms ) don't get beat. When you ( sub ) receive a rough session then you may need a little aftercare so what happens when another dom shows up? Do you stand him or her up? It has this matter of just how much can your body take? If you need more than one then what is the reason that you do? Is it for a lack of performance or just that you like the company that they offer so the more the merrier? Will these be solo ventures or will you enjoy them together?
Of course what if you love them both, hate them both or was torn between the good in each but also acknowledge that they both have bad sides as well. You could put yourself on an emotional roller coaster. It could be the thrill of your life but at some point one of them or you could feel burned. All relationships are an investment in self so maybe you study the people and see if you would like to invest further in them and then if that works then you can approach the other person and see if they are willing to go poly from the dominant side of the relationship. IF and I mean IF they are OK with this then maybe you can go forward unless you want to just do this little thing and keep it private from the others in the relationship. Then if or when that private thing comes out then you have two pissed off guys, right? You see it it a little harder to hide BDSM activities than other forms of sexual activities as a sub. Unless you want to hide your body and unless it is a long distance relationship that may not work so well.

I could write more but lets see what these statements churn up.

notavanilla

Fate • Dec 8, 2018

And for the record, I do not personally want more than one Dom. I am like Mono on steroids. Lol.

I was just curious in general, but it seems like from many of these responses that there may not be a double standard where I assumed there to be surrounding this aspect of D/s.

All of your answers were insightful and interesting to me. Thank you guys!

Also, I’ve not had a bad experience with asking questions here on Cage. Everyone has been extraordinarily helpful and encouraging.

Faters

JaimeJade​(sub female){BaronJ} • Dec 8, 2018

I’ve found most people on here to be very helpful and non judgemental - I mean being who we are it would be highly hypercritical of us if we were judgemental... I believe we are all in this together, figuring out who we are, why we are different from the ‘norm’ or ‘vanilla’ community and also what makes us different. There’s always room to learn more even the most experienced are still learning... and then the most experienced should be willing to help others who are finding their true selves x

SevenSeven • Dec 8, 2018

Totally agree.