Difference of age

Difference of age

Spirited{Friends} • Jan 28, 2019

Hello to all,

I have noticed I tend to be attracted to men at least slightly older than me. However a few times I encountered men that did not want to pursue further once they saw that we had a substantial difference of age (for example 15-20 years). Knowing we were not searching for just a play but for a long-term relationship, their reasoning was sound to me. For example, I was told that he did not see how in 10 years he would be able to completely satisfy my needs and that it was not fair for me to get involved in such relationship. I understand the reasoning but when you connect with someone to very deep levels, sometimes not even searching for that love, I find it very hard to stop because of age.

I would like to have the point of view of people that are in relationships with such difference of age and how you deal with these fears? For the one that is older, do you feel you are taking advantage and that you should let them go with someone younger ?

Zaramia​(dom female) • Jan 28, 2019

I was the younger one, always.
In my 20's and 30''s, a 15-20 year age gap was reasonable. They had some life experience I did not have, I had some youth and optimism they may have lost touch with.
In my late 40's, a 15-20 year age gap is almost unthinkable. I"m connecting with people who are in the 43-58 range.
So, what started as a 5-20 years older range is perfect has moved to 5 years younger and 10 years older - and really closer to 8 years older.
I don't think you can do anything to "reassure" the older party that you are going to be thrilled to be with an older person later. They have likely seen it in their friends or community, and already know it's a struggle. If you choose to pursue a large age gap relationship for the long haul, I think having the honest conversations up front of how you might handle the inability to perform with a still interested partner will be handled - other people, drugs, whatever. There are other awful things, like being a young widow, or divorced at 50, and starting over with dating and a whole different set of rules and desires. There are also plenty of fabulous things, I just have not lived them, and don't know many who have managed it. Most of the people I know who have large age gap relationships long term end up leading sort of separate lives as they age and their interests change. You may be the exception to the rule, but rules happen for reasons.
I don't even know how old you are, but I would have started dating younger at 30, if I had it to do over again.

SoulKiss84​(switch female) • Jan 28, 2019

There is a 24 year age gap between my Dom and I, but it truly works out to our benefit due to our particular natures, needs, and lifestyles. It really depends on the people involved. I may be 35, but I like theater/opera/plays, museums and art, walking around old cities and traveling, I have children, a career, and I need lots of open communication to feel connected. I knit. To some that may seem “old”. Lol. He is 59, but also energetic, fit, and connects with me on personal levels on things like the struggles of parenting and frustrations of dealing with corporations. He is wise and supportive of my life as a whole. So I wouldn’t completely disregard someone simply based on age.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Jan 28, 2019

There is a 20 + year age gap between us and our third.

Its rough, but we all get older. My body cant do what it used to.


Our third tells us that they feel younger around us.


To be honest.
We stay in the moment and take it as it comes. As a nurse I am always giving him shit about getting check ups, taking vitamins, resting and the like.


Aging is scary and we all let each other know that we value them not just what hey can do for us.

We also have frank and open conversations about our limitations.

The support that we get and give for each other helps all of us to feel like we are still cherished and loved even when our bodies fail us.


Honestly, My love takes that initiative a lot.
I follow her emotional lead and I have found talking it through to be very freeing.

HuntertheYeenQueen​(dom femme){Allie Kat} • Jan 29, 2019

Our gap isnt huge. My husband is 31, I'm 25. But, ever since we've met I've seen the effect of that.

Most guys my age (Not all of course) are way less mature. I see it all the time in the soldiers I serve, the people I work with. They drive me nuts, I couldnt handle a relationship with them.

Just 6 years, as well as the experiences hes had, has allowed my love to mature way more than the boys my age. He's on my level (Not so sound... I dunno... prideful? Full of myself? But outside of minor emotional issues I'm fighting, I do believe myself to be way more mature than even girls my age... I dont see as big a difference between myself and the girls, as I do the boys, but i still see a difference), and we connect so much better than a lot of people. Hell, one of his brothers is my age and he would tell me all the time how the age difference was hard for them growing up... But with me he didnt feel the struggle.

It's definitely person to person, whether that can work. For me, I couldnt date someone 20+ years older as that's too close to parents' age and just... I'm not comfortable with it Haha. But theres nothing wrong with it if it works out for others!

I kinda feel like some sort of age gap is good. But really, age isnt the /biggest/ factor. My best friend here is only a year younger than her husband and their marriage is just as strong as ours. So who really cares Haha. As long as its not a situation of legality. As long as both people are legal, consenting adults.

I know my gap isnt so big, but I dont really have any fears of anything. I've been watching my mother's health decline and get to a rough point at only 48 years old and yet her husband loves her and perseveres through it like nothing has changed. So even if at some point my love "cant handle my needs ", my love for him wont change. We'll just have to work around whatever gets in the way. Honestly because of my mother's health and how young she was when it started (37) I fear /I/ will be the one who "cant keep up" first, a lot of her issues are hereditary so I'm at risk. But, I fully believe in "Love conquers all" so I have no fears.

At the end of the day I cant control him. So if he leaves, that's on him. Nothing I can actually do about it. Not that I wont try to keep the marriage happy, but if he's made up his mind, only he can control what he does. So instead of worrying about the "what if's", I just trust that when he says he loves me, he means it, with the proof he gives me, and I move on. Worrying over the possibilities will just tear you apart and hurt the relationship.

Spirited{Friends} • Jan 29, 2019

Thank you all for your points of view and sharing your experiences.
I feel my tastes and wants are closer to someone older (as you do SoulKiss84) but for sure I need to consider carefully all the aspects.
And you are so right DarkFox, illness can come at any age. Of course, the more we age, the more risk of it but all of us know people getting sick so young...

SoulKiss84​(switch female) • Jan 29, 2019

I didn’t seek it out specially, I’ve had relationships with people closer to my age, and that’s not to say there aren’t men closer to my age who could provide the things I desire as well, it just isn’t as common. The life experience, ability to communicate, thinking process, and priorities I need are typically found in men ages 50+.

Misanthrope • Jan 29, 2019

Hey, Spirited. Being the ancient of days, I tend to look for someone younger; mainly because someone my age or older is probably already deceased.

In all seriousness though, I do tend towards younger mainly because of her comfort level. Women (as a general rule - don't everyone get their bowels in an uproar) tend to be more adventurous in private and in public. I enjoy the free spirited-ness of it.

Older man

Sensual Submissive • Jan 30, 2019

Hi Spirited, This free spirited young 'old soul' is and always will be sexually attracted to an older man. The ones I have met bring with them a certain level of intellect, maturity, confidence , charm and sense of adventure. They are generally great conversationalists. Above all, for me they bring about a sense of peace and calm from gained wisdom. One will ultimately gravitate to one's preference. There is no right or wrong in your choice, it's what works for you, as the pride of being loved well can be achieved with or without massive age differences with the right partner.?

Sensual Submissive • Jan 30, 2019

This free spirited young 'old soul' is and always will be sexually attracted to an older man. The ones I have met bring with them a certain level of intellect, maturity, confidence , charm and sense of adventure. They are generally great conversationalists. Above all, for me they bring about a sense of peace and calm from gained wisdom. One will ultimately gravitate to one's preference. There is no right or wrong in your choice, it's what works for you, as the pride of being loved well can be achieved with or without massive age differences with the right partner.?