Anyone know how i can subconsciously convince my wife to become my sub?

Anyone know how i can subconsciously convince my wife to bec

MstrMC​(sadist male) • Apr 22, 2019

I love my life and my wife! I also have always been into BDSM. so bad that i see my new basement and want to convert it to my dungeon. But my wife is not into the life at all she has tried but nothing any advise o help?

SynUnrestricted​(dom female) • Apr 22, 2019

Talk to her, about her revisiting the topic or about you possibly taking another submissive.
Above anything, DISCUSS. Don't use coercion or tactics to force or convince her into something she's not interested in.
You love her, she's loves you (enough to try it even) but it isn't her cup of tea. That's okay. Find a compromise.
This lifestyle is ALL ABOUT CONSENT, UNDERSTANDING AND ACCEPTANCE.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Apr 22, 2019

You can't. Sorry, but if someone is not into, isn't kinky you can't make them into what you want.

If you knew what you needed and did not tell them before hand and hoped they might be, or could be turned to the 'kink side' then that was very foolish, and unwise. Being frank I don't see this ending well. You either resign yourself to giving up on kink and live a vanilla life or you try the poly talk and suggest a submissive to do the things you need, but you will be a very lucky guy if that flies. I would be very surprised if she agrees to that, and opening that particular box up will cause damage. You could cheat, but that will destroy you and her and would be a pretty shitty thing to do.

Many find themselves in a similar position, some over time come to realise they have needs, sometimes a couple will naturally move their sex lives into more kinky activity, often a book, or movie might trigger that, or opening up and sharing hidden desires will. Its territory fraught with risk and struggle, hurt but great reward, magic if both parties have open minds and a willingness to explore. It can take time and great patience, but if the other party can't, its not in them to do it or to be in a poly arrangement then frankly that will test the relationship, and possibly to breaking point. Many marriages have died due to this. If you love your wife, and value your relationship don't cheat, that isn't the answer.

There are book and online resources to introduce a vanilla partner to kink, even kink 101 classes, but its the more gentle, sensual, erotic less dramatic things that might work better as an introduction than the dungeon full of scary equipment, leather, whips, floggers and chains and the other extremes that often can test the comfort levels of other kinky folks, those should be avoided.

This is a difficult thing I don't envy you this time.

EvelynNyte​(switch trans woman) • Apr 22, 2019

There's no way to "subconsciously" make your wife something she is not. Trying to do so would be unethical and abuse. The whole point of BDSM, which separates it from abuse, is that it's done with the full enthusiastic consent of all parties.

MstrMC​(sadist male) • Apr 22, 2019

Perfect everyone on the same page. It brings a smile to my face. It's a shame there is no way to convince her but it's ok that's my cross to bare. Thank you all

Miki​(masochist female) • Apr 22, 2019

Yeah, it is a personal choice that can only be made by everyone for themselves. Another real neat trick I hear about from too many male friends, coworkers, and acquaintances than I can count-- if there's a way to convince a wife to not become a "domme" as the marriage wears on--- Anyone who can pull that one off stands to be embarrassingly rich 'cuz it's not the fun kind of "domme" they're talking about.

As I write elsewhere, I'm a feminist's nightmare so with that in mind.. "Fella, watch your wallet!"

MasterBear​(other butch) • Apr 22, 2019

The same way that she can "subconsciously " get you to not want it...

Azzabackam​(switch male){PawPawGirl} • Apr 24, 2019

>into the lifestyle

>married someone who isn't

You dumb fam.

Wiseonthree​(dom male) • Apr 24, 2019

My mentor and I have discussed this a lot, it’s important to feel out the water first.

Jumping in head first will cause questions, at times very awkward ones that are hard to answer.

Being a submissive is a totally different thing than listening indefinitely to everything you say. And bdsm for one dynamic is different than another.

A very good ice breaking article can be found on the internet, it’s on the topic of “how is it fair...” that a submissive submits. It’s very detailed in that a submissive only brings into the dynamic what they have a need/desire to do so. If the submissive is fully in control of how they tie their shoes, they won’t bring that to the Dom at all. It goes so far as to compare D/s to Driver/passenger.

Ultimately ; your wife has to get something out of it too...otherwise it’s a one-sided shit show where she is just roleplaying a submissive.

Goood luck, it’s a hard fought battle that is difficult to bring up to close minded individuals.

Lizzie114​(sub female) • Apr 24, 2019

I'm going to sound jaded here, but I've heard this same statement made about - bisexuality, swinging, and polyamory. You can't "talk" anyone into something they're not into. It doesn't have anything at all to do with being close-minded, it has to do with whether you married someone interested in kink. My ex husband was into swinging. While it wasn't really my deal, I participated a couple of times, and then said no.

Your wife, if she isn't kink-minded, is not going to enjoy it. In other words, YOU will be the only one getting something out of it if she doesn't want to participate. That isn't what a marriage is, and that isn't what a D/s relationship is. Safe, Sane, Consensual, with a huge emphasis on consensual, not "got her talked into it" and not "this is what I want, she'll go along". Sorry, but your marriage isn't a good candidate for any type of BDSM relationship, D/s included, if you have to convince her she should participate.