Is bdsm healing?

Is bdsm healing?

shortylotus​(dom female) • Oct 9, 2020

I have changed so much since I have join this community. I have some hard times in my past. 4 years ago i found my husband...he had committed suicide. Overnight i found myself alone with a 1 year old little girl. My life stopped. Over the years I have tried all different help roads, with little to no effect. When I joined the bdsm community I had no idea of the healing power i would embrace here. For the first time in years I am at peace
,i have heard this from many people. What is it about bdsm that makes it so healing?

slavebilly​(sub male) • Oct 9, 2020

The trust

Hypnotist​(dom male) • Oct 9, 2020

There are many reasons, that can vary between each individual.
I have been told that in some cases it is a way to release internal turmoil and pain. To let go, and not feel the hurt from ones life experiences, even if only temporarily. The scene or situation becomes everything at the moment, and everything else gets pushed to the side.

Re: Is bdsm healing?

The Thinker​(sadist male){NotLooking} • Oct 9, 2020

I am really sorry to hear that. Best wishes to you.

SAXMANIAC​(sub female) • Oct 9, 2020

THIS!!!!
ALL OF THIS!!!

To engage with someone with whom I can be myself, warts and all; someone who accepts me for who I am and can take me to the heights of my passion, with no judgement...that is so liberating.

TheWhorelock​(dom male) • Oct 9, 2020

Because kink can vary so much between people, the answers are similarly varied, but mostly what the above poster said is exactly right. Trust. The opportunity to let go and allow the body and mind to experience deep intimacy and rest potentially gives the nervous system a break from itself in ways that allow for incredible healing and rebalancing.

Which is the other side of it. There’s a powerful healing effect created by both the self acceptance, and the altered states of consciousness. And combined, sometimes, a person finds deep healing.

The Thinker​(sadist male){NotLooking} • Oct 9, 2020

On the core topic, I don't need any healing, so I can't speak to the core topic. However, if a prospective sub is coming to BDSM for some sort of healing, I would stay away. That's better done by a therapist, and I am not even remotely one, and I will inevitably do more damage.

I give this advice to anyone seeking to heal themselves with a relationship (of any sort). Do not get into a relationship when you need healing. Heal yourself first. If is very unfair on your prospective partner to make him or her responsible for your healing, and they will likely do a bad job anyway because they are not professionals.

Get professional help first, stabilize, and then play. Don't play with an injury. You will just cause yourself long yterm damage.

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • Oct 9, 2020

The trust, the communication, the self examination.

shortylotus​(dom female) • Oct 9, 2020

The thinker i agree with what your saying and can see your point. I wasn't broken when I came into this dynamic..4 years had passed. I had learn to accept and live with what happened. What I learned was to become at peace with myself and then that gave me the freedom to then become at peace with what happened.

Taramafor​(sub male) • Oct 9, 2020

1: That statement is false. Threapists aren't for everyone and there can be other approaches. Specifically developing your own, which multiple opinions and viewpoints can help with.

2: It's IMPOSSIBLE to do some things on your own. And a therapist can not, will not and should not be there to the extent they can support, heal and encourage you ALL the time. Their job prevents them from doing this. They have other patients. The thrapists job is to help you find answers and take your own approach to situations (eg: cope. Or otherwise pursue happiness and avoid sadness). But that's it. For this reason alone it is not better done by a therapist but rather someone that is understanding and wise who knows how to see to your wants/needs while remaining honest even if that can hurt. We're supposed to be LIKE a therapist OURSELVES so we can trust ourselves and others can trust us when we're around them. Without being biased while sticking to logic and facts (eg: don't let being personally involved get in the way of honesty and truth).

A sub looking to be healed can of course fall into the trap of desperation, but that does not mean they are only seeking to "use" you. ONLY someone that knows control and can interact/play with you consistently (again, impossible for a therapist too) can do this. I would also advise against dominatrix for healing/bonding purposes. Unless they happen to express an interest in you on a personal level and engage without being paid/coaxed.

Also worth noting there's a scientific reason people that get initiate make each other feel good. And thus leads to you feeling good in general. Since intimate events tend to happen in BDSM then naturally that's going to happen more in the area. Some sort of "happy chemical" when people are engaging with each other in a sexual/intimate way. Forget the name of it. What's important to keep in mind is that when you're "engaging" with each other (especially when you know you're there for each other constantly) that that "happy chemical" keeps being produced. The "healing" is simple a result of this chemical being more present in the body. Likewise absence, being unable to engage and never doing anything with anyone can easily have the reverse effect. Which of course leads to depression and "negative chemicals".

After something like a suicide it's bound to lead to a negative chemical being produced and leading to getting stuck in a rut. After a traumatic event like that it takes time to get over loss/grief before engaging with others again. People in general heal us. Make us feel good. Not just therapists. It's called support and interest in each other. etc. A therapist is the LAST resort. Not the first. Wherever people in general allow themselves to be "crutches" or not depends on a number of factors. Some people need to stand together and have someone to rely on. Others are more able to stand on their own two legs. Person A might have a better head on their shoulders. Person B might not just be ready yet and need more guidance. But in the end it's always best when it's together where you're looking after each other and able to trust each other while looking after each others happiness and keeping each other safe, unless certain dangers are sought out for whatever reason.