How/when to talk about the stay at home role?

How/when to talk about the stay at home role?

GagFan​(sub male) • Jan 9, 2021

Hey guys a little while ago I posted about whether it was reasonable or unrealistic of my to ask any future partner if I could be a stay at home partner while they worked and provided financially. I got some good feedback and bumped the topic again so other people could chime in as well. But on to the current question at what time in the relationship do you think it is appropriate to bring up my desire to be a stay at home partner?

House Talion​(dom male) • Jan 9, 2021

When becoming a live-in partner becomes an option os the best time for such a discussion while waiting till afterwards shows a probable hidden agenda or secrets. Even such inability of discussing such things is seen as wrong as such situations should be of the most comfortability

salutexlovely​(sub female){{Owned}} • Jan 10, 2021

It's a fair topic if you're upfront about seeking a committed partnership . To be, it falls in the category of , " what do you want to gain from this?" , or, " what is your expectation ".

When the topic came up for me , it was Daddy who asked what would I want, what would we both feel comfortable doing.

GagFan​(sub male) • Jan 10, 2021

Bump

Dismissed

Shadovvs​(dom female) • Jan 10, 2021

To me, and only my opinion, I have always frowned on this and considered it a gold digger move. Why should I provide for a sub? It's a sub. The sub is supposed to please the Domme, not use them as an ATM machine. Along the same topic, I, as a Domme, believe it is wrong to ask for tributes. Again, the sub should want to please. Showering a Domme with cash, is not how this should be done. There are many other ways. Yes, I am aware there are Pro Dommes. Good for them. It's something I would never do, and find it a questionable practice for the Domme and the sub. I believe this is how distrusts starts, at least for me, when a potential sub brings this up, I dismiss them. But just as I have my specific preferences, fetishes, kinks, and likes, everyone is different in this world.

insidestraight​(sub male) • Mar 29, 2021

I think a stay at home role is only appropriate if the partner with the greater earning capacity can comfortably support the both if the lesser earning partner doesn't work. And even then, the stay at home partner must basically become a house spouse. Keep the place immaculate, cook all the meals, run all the errands etc etc etc. (Some dominants would argue that this is necessary at all times regardless of employment status.) Essentially, both partners must contribute their fair share to a relationship. For such logistical things, if it doesn't work in a vanilla relationship, it probably wouldn't work for kink.

LeashCalledLove​(sub male){__________} • Mar 29, 2021

A more detailed description of your situation would probably elicit more helpful advice. Specifically, how balanced would a stay-at-home/breadwinner dynamic be?
The following are rhetorical questions to ask yourself, or maybe your partner if you don't think you have a good enough grasp on them.

-How stressful are your jobs? Do you both work a lot of overtime? Do any of you take work home with them?
-Are they annoyed at housework/chores/maintenance or does it seem that they enjoy investing themselves in the upkeep of their home?
-Do they lament not having enough free time to enjoy their space? Are they satisfied with the general condition its in?
-How much work does your living space need to be properly kept? How much space and specialized care does it need?

What I'm trying to get at is will one person taking on domestic duties entirely make the other person happier and free up more time for both of you to focus on developing your relationship and enjoying life? Or will it put more stress on you both as one person has to take on more work responsibility and the other person breaks their back trying to elevate and maintain an environment that is worth that other person taking on that much more responsibility?

If your partner makes enough can support you both financially, they might as well just hire a professional cleaner and contractor to take care of maintenance and you can spot them that cost from your income, while trying to work with them in figuring out an arrangement where you both can spend less time at work and more time with each other.

The obvious caveat is if she or you have a fetish for domestic servitude.

Knightsundere​(sub male) • Mar 29, 2021

I agree with insidestraight's bit. A """housewife""" role is a totally reasonable thing to desire as long as it's understood that there are obligations that come with it. I think it's best approached from the perspective of assisting in things that the dom lacks, rather than aligning to a role based on expectations, though. If your partner is a bit messy and can't cook... makes sense. A clean freak minimalist with culinary training? Maybe find a part time job or work from home online.

insidestraight​(sub male) • Mar 29, 2021

I just realized I semi-necro-ed a two month old thread. I think LCL conveyed what I was trying to say, but with more detail and nuance. It looks like Shadows was trying to convey a dislike of sub's becoming a sponge, and I agree, that is definitely a concern in any relationship. Personally I find it best if both partners bring the most they can to a relationship and say if She treats me to say a coffee, I get her one next time

insidestraight​(sub male) • Mar 29, 2021

I find that you kinda hit the nail on the head here, Knight. Both partners should ideally complement each other's lacks so that the two as a whole are greater than each individually.

In a previous dynamic, the Dominant in question was looking about finding ways of keeping me "captive" at her place. ie there as close to 24/7 as possible. We were exploring a few ways to have me work from there. It can be doable, especially given how so many jobs are moving to entirely remote these days.