Slave vs Submissive

Slave vs Submissive

rosethorn​(sub female) • Nov 8, 2017

Would being a slave include red limits? I am confused around the difference between the two tittles, I identify as submissive however i seem to be seeking a higher level of control such as a Master??? bit confused and would appreciate some insight, thanks. xx

DrT​(dom male){NotLooking} • Nov 8, 2017

For me yes, and I think everyone involved in BDSM/Fetish activity, regardless of what role, type of dynamic should have a pause and stop button.

Of course that doesn't play well for some.

Frankly if someone says you can have no limits, no safe words I would, no matter how charming, beautiful and appears to be your ideal, on your wave length, I would run.

At the end of the day there is no one way and everyone makes this, adapts the ideals, fantasy to suit their needs, limits and life experiences, but in the real world.

rosethorn​(sub female) • Nov 8, 2017

That is very true thank you

Hawkeye • Nov 8, 2017

If you chose to be a slave there are no limits, red or otherwise. Can you set limits? Of course you can. You simply are not a slave. There is no ifs and or buts about it. No,this is how I do it, this is how you do it, b.s.
It is natural for a submissive to continually seek to give up more and more control. Once a submissive becomes comfortable with where she is in her submission,then she feels like she’s no longer submitting, at least not to the same extent as when things were new to her. Will this inevitably lead to being a slave? For a few, yes it will. For most, no it will not.

rosethorn​(sub female) • Nov 8, 2017

My point to this hawkeye, i understand the concept, im asking as my limits are red not because i am uncomfy with new ideas ect but for my mental wellbeing, this is why im asking as some things can not be crossed for safety so how would that work with the slave bit ? do you understand my point? Does this mean i am not able to become a slave ever as its important for me to be responsible and keep these limits there ? it would be irresponsible of me to remove these. however i do seem to be have more ideas about becoming a slave and serving to that extent. Im a bit confused.

NCarraway​(dom male) • Nov 9, 2017

Rose, perhaps you are getting too hung up on terminology. You identify as submissive but have hard limits. I am sure myself that there are not just submissives and slaves - there is a whole sliding scale of extent of submission. You or anyone else can be anywhere on the scale and at a different point on another day. Thats all ok, thats all cool. We should do what we are comfortable with and not what we are not comfortable with. I think its true, as Hawkeye said, that as you get more comfortable with someone you may relax some of your limits, but some of those limits will never move.

I think the goal should not be to be the ultimate slave with no limits, but to find the place you feel you belong. That could be a seriously slavey submissive or a slave with limits. To me that amounts to the same thing; the terminology is no help at this point. What matters is the two people involved and the dynamic set up.

I have to say that as a Dominant I would never get involved with someone who didnt have limits, so I am with Doc T on this one. I would much prefer to be involved with someone who has a submissive character and a brain, and to gradually move towards more submission as trust develops.

Be who you are.

Hawkeye • Nov 9, 2017

@ Rosethorn
As actual slavery is illegal, the slavery we talk about here is consensual. As such the slave always has the ability to set a limit and leave if such a limit is broken. However if this is your mindset from the beginning then no, you are not a slave. Being a slave doesn’t mean limits don’t exist. It means that you have put your trust in your dominant to set and abide by the limits he has chosen. I agree that you should be who you are and if who you are is a slave then that is who you should be. It is however a long slow journey and a tremendous amount of work and self discovery. Good luck on your journey.

@ncarraway
You seem to be implying that a slave is brainless. Nothing could be further from the truth. I would match any of them against you intellectually and if your post is any indication they will easily win.

TakenLower • Nov 9, 2017

I look at it like this. I engage with Dominants in many different ways. If I decide that I think this Dominant may be someone I want a no limits relationship with I make sure his limits are similar to my own. Then, I ask “What are your limits for your slave?”. If he can’t answer this, he shouldn’t be your Owner because he doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing. That doesn’t mean that you can’t have a relationship with him and learn/grow together but it does mean that you should not start off as a slave. I would never enter in as a slave. This pisses many lazy Dominants off but if they can’t put in the effort to build trust they aren’t worth your fucking time.

NCarraway​(dom male) • Nov 9, 2017

Now now Mr Hawkeye, no need to get testy ...

I do not believe that slaves are brainless. That does not match my experience. I do believe that it would be a bad idea to enter into a Master-slave relationship from a standing start without recourse to limits, safewords etc. Agree with the fine words from TakenLower.

TakenLower • Nov 9, 2017

You have to be mindful to be mindless. You have to be worthy to be worthless. You have to be something to be nothing.

I can be, but I am not. I will be, for the right one. I want to be, for the one that deserves it.