First few days/weeks

First few days/weeks

LilMissB​(masochist female){Tradesman} • Oct 30, 2021

When under consideration what does the relationship look like for the first few days/weeks...
I know everyone's looks different I'm just curious is there a protocol? What kind of red flags to look for in your own opinion.
Are there things that should be going on and shouldn't be going on?

Just genuinely curious.

LongerJohnny​(dom male) • Oct 30, 2021

That depends on so many different things, so by far the best thing you can do for yourself during this "consideration" period is to have conversations (plural) with your potential Dom about your limits and boundaries.
If he is unwilling to - Red Flag.
If he doesn't respect them - Red Flag.
If he insists that you do anything that you are not ready for - Red Flag.
You don't "settle for bullshit" so if you call him on these or anything else, and he tries to make you think you're doing something wrong - Red Flag.
So many more. Anything that you find suspect you should talk about.

Also consider what you are under consideration for.
Your profile says that you are a brat, and that you were with an older man. So are you looking for a Daddy? If so, are you a sub and masochist when you are little as well? Are you being persuaded that you have to do everything all at once? Are you satisfied that you will get everything from a potential Dom? If anyone tries to answer these questions for you, or if your potential Dom doesn't or wont answer them - Red Flag.

These are only a few. There are sooooo many.
This a good resource:
https://blog.beautifullybound.com.au/bdsm-safety/red-flags.htm

Secret Mind​(dom male) • Oct 30, 2021

In all honesty, I don't put submissives "understand consideration." To me, dominates who do that are just taking advantage of someone for their own pleasure and games.
In a way, they don't want you but also don't want you talking with anyone else. So they'll play with you and get what they want, then dump you without a care.
I've met submissives who have been "under consideration" for over six months and then got ghosted while missing out on a chance to be with someone who really cared about them.
If a dominant wanted a submissive, then they wouldn't play games or make them wait. If everything lined up and the connection was right then he would take her.

LongerJohnny​(dom male) • Oct 30, 2021

I agree with Secret Mind, as you will notice by how I put "consideration" between quotation marks in my earlier response.
"Under Consideration" is just something fun that you can put on your collar (here), but it is otherwise a completely meaningless status. Anytime any one person considers another, the second person is always under consideration, no matter what your collar says.
Ask yourself - where was the turning point between when you were just someone with potential, and someone under consideration? Was there a line that was crossed? Some sort of promotion? Was this person NOT considering you right up until the very second that your collar said so? And what exactly is being considered?
It might be fun to see the words, fun to show others, but they mean nothing.
You are either chatting and getting to know each other and measuring each other's potential - or you're not.
Nevertheless, the red flags I showed you are real and always apply.

Grey Eyes​(sub female){Owned} • Oct 30, 2021

I get concerned by subs being "in consideration" for two weeks (seems to be a common time frame recently) and expecting that they will know enough about that particular Dom to be collared immediately thereafter. Or that the Dom knows enough about the submissive. To me, that in itself is a huge red flag.

It takes time to get to know one another and it shouldn't be rushed. It should be savoured like fine wine.

Also concerning is that some people profess love immediately in this "consideration phase". Perhaps this is longing for something you are missing in your life and you believe you have found it, but to plunge into love within hours is a huge red flag to me as well.

To me, collaring is a beautiful thing. Moving faster cheapens the process, the dance, and the deep meaning in my opinion. It should not be disposable.

Miki​(masochist female) • Oct 30, 2021

**** [As I say often but on different threads so I'll repeat for those who haven't seen my disclaimer before. "Not a Sub"-- But I want to chip in a thought or two off the top of my head -- things I'd think about if I were in such a situation as O. P.'s.] ****

__________________________________________

Everyone in a new relationship is "under consideration"-- but it's usually implied.

But I guess in the BDSM sense it's part of the game to make the process "expressed" rather than implied. Slap a label and a bunch of rules on it.

Other than that, it's just what I said above-- a regular part of any new relationship, the part that comes after the "getting to know you and how you tick" phase.. The coffee dates, movies, and all that shit-- yet before a pair decide to have a go at "the next level"

It's when each allows more of their inner or some say "true" selves to show-- either because they're relaxed and comfortable "opening up"or in some fucked-up cases, they run out of steam after expending so much energy "putting up a front" and voila, instant fuck-stick.

That's where each is on the lookout for "red flags" or even just lesser behavioral stuff that might get under one's skin...

--Yes as small as the old toilet seat up-or-down battle, or which way the ass paper is supposed to be mounted on the little spool. (The end over the top or by the fucking wall??)

The list goes on and while I don't mean to trivialize what you (O P) are saying, it's all part of the fun when beginning any relationship, and even the smallest idiosyncrasies can really frost the other partner's ass over time and should be addressed.

D/s ought not be different, or not much different... A dominant shouldn't "feel free" to be a jerk all the while demanding that their sub conform to every little rule said dominant pulls out of their ass.

That's my windy two cents--- Good luck & and have fun!

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Oct 30, 2021

I also have issues with the trend to being under consideration. It feels like you are set up to compete against an unknown criteria. Thus you might do more than you should for the wrong reasons. and being under the pressure of 'consideration' you might be too distracted by that than paying attnetion to who this other person really is.

I mean what makes them the expert? I know people with decades in the life that I wouldn't trust with my favorite pen much less my body.

So how are YOU evaluating/considering this person?

At the beginning of getting to know someone, you are both on your best behavior. Two weeks is nothing in getting to know a person. Absolutely nothing. So it feels suspicious to me.

Were it up to me, what would happen in those two weeks would be vanilla times, dates, coffee, long discussions of serious topics. If you aren't compatible as people you can forget managing the complexities of a power exchange dynamic. Those who jump to play and sex might have some fun but in the end of that time you know nothing more than play and sex. Power exchange is much more in-depth than that. So going slow is far better for the long game than rushing in an unreasonable timeline of two weeks.

H*

Sophie's secret​(sub female) • Oct 30, 2021

Could be the Dom is testing the sub's worthiness of HIS dominance which is quite arrogant in my point of view....

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Oct 30, 2021

Sophie's secret​(sub female)
4 hours ago • 10/30/2021 9:26 am
Could be the Dom is testing the sub's worthiness of HIS dominance which is quite arrogant in my point of view....

Agreed. I do not tolerate anyone testing anyone. To administer a test means you are at a level with which you can do that. It is presumptuous to test anyone as if you matter that much.

Years ago, I was told this guy was interested and would I please call him. He was a friend of a friend so I did. The first thing he said was "So tell me why you are worth my time."

I answered. "If you think your time is more important than mine, clearly I am not worth your time." And I hung up.

As the years passed I learned more about the guy. He was as big a jerk as I thought he was and had only a few short-term relationships over many years.

Testing is a huge red flag.

DaddyPP​(dom male) • Oct 30, 2021

To be honest this is the first time I have ever even heard of "under consideration". It feels..odd.
Does it serve to fill some need on both sides?
Dom-I need to feel like I own something before I really should.
Sub-desparate to be owned so much they will just attach anything?

It would be like posting on social media "almost in a relationship". What exactly is the point. We are all under consideration in some way or other.
That whole thing would be a major red flag for me. If I was talking to someone, there is no time that I would feel I needed to "reserve" them until the decision was made to move forward or not.
You are free until you are not, there is nothing in between.