You're a Dom... but are you really?

You're a Dom... but are you really?

bigandsmall​(sub female) • Nov 14, 2021

It seems to me, most people seem to identify themselves as a Dom, specifically those men who confess they are new or exploring the life. Some seem to think of it as a way to be serviced without responsibility, without skill, training or experience. It's the vanilla sex in a costume and with a slight twist. I am old school and older, trained by a skilled and experienced Dom in what TPE means. I know it's a learning experience that develops with time into a lifestyle, so being new is not the issue, it is in claiming a title. Sort of like, putting M.D. behind your name without ever having studied medicine but watched a few surgeries.

SO, DO OLDER or experienced DOMS, take younger, wanna D's under their wings? Do they advise research?, books, anatomy lessons to prevent future damage to their sub? Sure you can learn to tie a knot, but do know where to hit and not damage kidneys. Or even where the kidney is located? Do younger Dom's seek advise from them? How did you learn? Or is it simply trial and error.

If the Dom trains the submissive, WHO TRAINS THE DOM?

DrWakko • Nov 14, 2021

In my experience mentorship is something that is going away of the dodo. I believe the younger generations are quicker to use Google than ask someone who has been in the lifestyle for 30 years. You can watch YouTube videos on everything from relationships to toys. Who needs a mentor when you have 24/7 access to people giving you answers[sarcasm]?

bigandsmall​(sub female) • Nov 14, 2021

I agree, and not as a put down or even superior in experience or theory, I think YouTube can be a good tool for viewing, so no hate, but often the view is a cartoon version or a completely dangerous example of what to do, not how to do, unless its showing how to rig (teehee) the current trend, or even why you do it outside of sexual variety. Just being observant. I appreciate your response and I hope others will respond with some direction for those who wish to listen.

DrWakko • Nov 14, 2021

My problem with YouTube is the information hasn't been vetted. Anyone can post a video on YouTube. I will watch a video from time to time on Youtube, how ever nothing beats going to a class with a vetted presenter.

A Cloud​(sub female){Owned} • Nov 15, 2021

It's symptomatic of the way the world has shifted. Seemingly, we have created a surface level world where depth is not valued or explored. Information, lifestyle, status, connection - it's all very superficial. It's saddening but,

"There will always be flowers if you look" 🌻

House Talion​(dom male) • Nov 15, 2021

Ppl of today go for the easier way of doing things

Re: You're a Dom... but are you really?

flitter'fly​(sub female) • Nov 15, 2021

Lol
F-ing Love This

So Most Is Common Since
I Think Being A Caring Individual
One Who Was Raised Right
By The Parents. Etc

And Knowledge
The Want To
SEE
LEARN
GROW

Just Because One Reads A Book
Or Retains Knowledge
Does Not Necessarily
Mean That One Is
Said Dom
Or
Know It All As A Sub

It's The Caricature
And
How We Treat Ones Self
Others
And
The Process Of Learning And Growing

Some Are Better At This Then Others
But We All
Can Always Work Hard
To Continue To Learn
And Grow
And Be The Best
Of Ones Self That We Can Be

It Takes The
Want
To Treat Others
As You Would Want To Be Treated

Try To
Always Put Yourself
In The Others Place
And Not Make Rash Decisions

This Is Growth
And How
One Learns To Be
The Best
Said Dom
Or Sub
One Can Be.

FlitterFly..

ButterfliesAndCuffs​(sub female) • Nov 15, 2021

You make an excellent point and it’s something I’ve thought about too. In my opinion, Doms in general don’t talk to each other enough. I think it’s a missed opportunity in a lot of ways not just education wise, but support and advice with problems they might be having. I guess they might view it as a weakness, but I just think the community as a whole would be better.
I know that on the other side of the slash, submissives talk to each other and reach out to one another quite a bit. Doms will also reach out to give support or advice to a submissive. I wish they would do the same for other doms.

LongerJohnny​(dom male) • Nov 15, 2021

Some of us reach out to other Dom's, many of us don't. I agree that sometimes it is about not wanting to seem weak. Just as often we don't want to share our super special trade secrets, proprietary information, spicy sauce recipes, etc. Perhaps some Doms worry that they will suffer in the whole "my dick is bigger than yours" slap fight.

And speaking of impending flaccidity, here is the specific part that many Dom's hate the most: not only could we learn valuable information from each other - we can and must learn from subs as well, ours or not.

It's all pretty simple really. Everyone can learn something from everyone. All sides of every slash could always learn something from the other sides. So let's all reach out and touch each other.

MrVesper​(dom male){Not Lookin} • Nov 15, 2021

This i s good subject and one I agree with @bigandsmall.

There are a lot of instadoms, both male and female, running around. It depends on approach and study. I dont buy into 'watching a video' to learn. That only happens with practice, trial and error and lots of patience. The video is a good introduction but a poor teacher

When I was growing up, learning was an apprenticeship, with many teachers. We also submitted and were taught humility. I dont trust anyone who has not served before declaring as a dominant.I have been involved with this community for over 30 years and still don't see myself as a "Master," and refuse to declare that title for myself, if a sub chooses to call me this after we have spent some time together, that's another story. I also don't trust anyone who will not ask basic questions; that goes to the lack of responsibility observation from bigandsmall. this generation learns form tik tok, you tube, porn hub, kink.com which is good knowledge but has nothing to do with application. its bubblegum.

I also find submissive who declare themselves without really understanding beyond the sexual bit or getting truly inside and then beyond the 'idea of submitting.' its a game, which is fine if thats what you want and are clear in the beginning with what your looking for.

even though I miss the older style of learning there are some good practices we didn't have growing up. I think we all have to keep our eyes and ears open.

Look-we're all learning. We learn from doing, from other Doms, as well as from those who submit to us.