Do nice guys finish last even in kink??

Do nice guys finish last even in kink??

EclecticRhetoric​(dom male) • Jun 12, 2023

A woman told me she didn't think our profiles matched. I never portrayed myself as a bad or tough guy and have a more relaxed mellow vibe. However it seems women can judge the guy I am or what they think I am based on lack of information.
What I find interesting is If a woman went to a store and saw a shoe she wanted, she wouldn't assume it's out of stock. She would ask if they had her size. If the store clerk said they were sold out, she would ask when they are getting more. Women ask questions for things they want but make assumptions about things they don't want. Don't believe me?

She can say well he may be too short, or I don't think we are compatible because you live too far , I don't think we have the same taste. However they never asked your height, don't ask if you like long drives or ask your taste. When it's something they don't want many women can find an excuse why it's not for them but if it is something they do want they are eager to get the information or makes it theirs.

Don't believe me? A woman will chase a married man she likes and ignore a single guy who likes her.

If you message a woman on here and she takes 3 days. Message her and ask what do you assume about my page because she has some assumptions

Knightsundere​(sub male) • Jun 12, 2023

I think you're reading into it a little too much, if someone turns you down both without ghosting and without directly insulting some part of you, she's (A) compassionate enough towards you to not want to hurt your feelings, and (B) giving you the courtesy of an easy out. Anyone that's interested in you is going to try and look past flaws that they see, so if they don't want to go out with you based on a real or a perceived flaw, then they weren't interested in you at that point. It's called letting someone down easy in old terms. A minor white lie so you don't damage the confidence of the other person undeservedly.

If I was talking to someone and they said "hey, I don't think this is going to work out, you're just too short for me" I'd be like hey that's great no worries! Cause that means I at least didn't do anything rude and my personality wasn't shit enough to warrant a "you're kind of an asshole".

EclecticRhetoric​(dom male) • Jun 12, 2023

Reading into it too much?

I see so when a job says we can't hire you because your a woman or sir, you would make a great fit for the position If you weren't too old. Are those nice ways of a job letting you down or is that called descriminarion? It sounds like you are justifying wrong actions with societies norms.

Let's look at this way, if your wife or girlfriend just cheats on you is that ok? According to your response, she's (A) compassionate enough towards you to not want to hurt your feelings, and (B) giving you the courtesy of an easy out

So technically it should be ok.. ?

Knightsundere​(sub male) • Jun 12, 2023

Well there are legal protections against discrimination in hiring processes that prevent that, there are no such obligations for women considering whether they want to be in a relationship with you.

That example doesn't make sense because if someone cheated on me, it would indeed hurt my feelings.

If you prefer to have people tell you what's wrong with you when they decide to break ties, that's your preference, my bad.

TranquilStorm • Jun 12, 2023

This topic seems to be a recurring theme for you, ER. Plenty of advice has been given in similar forum questions that you initiiated. What you perceive as "nice" might be unsettling to others.

Work on yourself and be patient to find someone that matches your energy. Wish you luck and success.

Ingénue{VK} • Jun 12, 2023

"women can judge the guy I am or what they think I am based on lack of information."

"Women ask questions for things they want but make assumptions about things they don't want."

"When it's something they don't want many women can find an excuse why it's not for them but if it is something they do want they are eager to get the information or makes it theirs."



Same old, same old from you, ER. The whingeing misogynistic tone and massive overgeneralisation in your forum posts might actively be a large red flag for people who read them.

Projection only gets you so far.

Musetta​(sub female) • Jun 12, 2023

I agree with Tranquil and Knight. But I’m going to treat your question as if you are genuinely asking.
Looking at your profile, I can see a couple of reasons why someone might say they didn’t want to give you a shot because of it. If you want to message, I’m happy to go into detail. But the truth is, it doesn’t matter.

Your profile (or something else did that she doesn’t feel comfy discussing) disqualified you. For THAT woman. It might even do so for most. And that’s okay too. You’re not trying to appeal to most women, but to the ones more likely to be right for you.

Now you can be mad at the majority of women because the minority of us who would be your fans, haven’t found you yet. But all you’re doing is running off the ladies who might like you as well. ‘Nice guy’ energy that turns sour the SECOND you’re thwarted, is something most of us do our best to avoid. I myself am willing to make the mistake of passing on a good thing, rather than chance making space for those types.

Some of us develop a bit of a nose for it. And I gotta say, if you don’t get why women are rejecting you, you might want to check what kind of energy you’re putting out there.

Tranquil mentioned other posts. If women has given similar feedback, apologies.

TopekaDom​(dom male) • Jun 12, 2023

I will say this, Dude: Whining about getting turned down by a lady is not a real good look on a Dom. Being the old ass fart I am and doing the online game for about 30 years now, I have been turned down by s types many many times. That is simply the way life is.

But you know what? I have also turned down s types (and Dom/mes as well). One simply has to deal with it. Even though we are all kinky, we are not all compatible. Yes getting turned down sucks, but it is the way of life. Deal with it and move on.

Miki​(masochist female) • Jun 12, 2023

Hmm.. A few posts mention you have commented in this way before. But this is the first time I have seen you on here so I'll take it at face value.

The impression I get, and I could be wrong, but you are likening the "selection" process to job hunting. Laws govern discrimination when being considered for employment but there are absolutely no laws governing one's right to go out/hook up with another or not based on any criteria on the planet. A person is free to not want to get involved with someone based on race, creed, and age without having to worry about "discrimination" and "political correctness" . That simply does not apply nor should it.

[Fly in the soup for the job hunters.. Discrimination based on sex, race, national origin or age (et al) is expressly forbidden by law, but actually, what the law covers is them TELLING you that you won't be hired because the boss doesn't like old farts, for example---
Nope. But they sure as fuck can and do -- so often it's a cliche-- say, "Sorry. You're a great candidate and your interview went very well, but: You're overqualified". (Now hit the road, Pops the guy thinks to himself.)

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Now more to the point of women deciding what you're about based on what is in your profile-- and what isn't. (I think that's the case from either side of the toilet seat one pisses from) , standing or sitting...

If a dude is too short or he has a hideous unibrow, bad breath, or even absent-mindely scratches his balls once too often-- it's my right to keep walking Nothing personal.

----And while looks are only skin deep, the initial attraction is what gets the ball rolling.

It's likewise a guy's right to pass on me (hypothetically speaking, I'm Not Looking) because I'm too short, my eyes are slightly crossed or they're not into Asian chicks-- it's their right to look elsewhere without question or complaint.

Finally, I looked at your profile. Nothing wrong with it. I cannot divine any mysterious attributes of your personality based on what's there-- or not... So while you seem to be hurting, chin up! You're 41.. Hardly a shriveled-up geezer.

Be patient, and most important of all, when you get a chance to get to know someone, and you will -- Be Yourself!!

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Pre=posting edit:

Almost forgot: The ratio of Men Looking to Women Looking (regardless of sexual orientation) is mind-blowingly lopsided, so of course with all the options out there, it's human nature to take one's time and be choosy.

Not pleasant, not even fair, but so little in life is, I guess.

Best of luck... Carry On.. Sally Forth... and all that happy horseshit.

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • Jun 12, 2023

Hey ER,

A year ago you posted this is a forum post titled "Blocking":

"Saying your not interested requires you to be an adult and speak with honesty with the risk that the other person my dispute the reason your not interested."

NOW you're pissed because someone TOLD you they weren't interested????

I looked at your profile and based SOLELY on your BDSM test, I would have told you the same thing.

Sometimes, kinks just don't line up and THATS OK!

In this, I agree with Ingénue, you are flying a HUGE amount of red flags.