importance of knowing yourself

importance of knowing yourself

lolliLeigh​(sub female) • Jul 27, 2023

I read the 101 Bdsm article on sadomasochism which really got me thinking. How many of us really ask and communicate what we need when exploring this world.

Simple starter kit for me now is Questions to ask your self as a submissive.
Who am I
What do I need
Why do I need it
When do I need it
How do I need it
Questions to ask your Dominant
Who are you
what do you need
when do you need
Why do you need it
How do you need it

Simple questions that mirror each other

tallslenderguy​(kinky male) • Jul 27, 2023

Love and appreciate this topic, thank you for starting posting this lolliLeigh.

To me, this list is not only a starting place, but a never ending point of reference for living and relationship.

If living is fluid, motion, it seems to me there's never a point when these questions are not useful, even necessary. To me, "death" can be a cessation of asking, pursuing knowledge (self and otherwise). When we stop asking such questions, are we instead going on our own memory or idea from past answers to these questions, and if so, how do we know the answers are still the same?

To me, these questions are the ongoing fuel of living and relationship, not just a starting place.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Jul 27, 2023

Might be common sense, but all of these will evolve over time, very rarely will it remain static and fixed. The more you learn, experience, the more likely it will prompt new thoughts, needs, desires, maybe even prompting you to reverse on some previous ones.

The more you learn, the more you find there is much, much more to learn, constant learning comes out of involvement in the kink, bdsm, fetish world, at least, for myself, I feel that should be the case, and what I have found.

I hope you find what you need, and a safe place, safe people to explore.

lolliLeigh​(sub female) • Jul 27, 2023

thank you both, I would totally agree. We never stop learning or evolving x

I'mME • Jul 27, 2023

I am the type of person who in the past at the end of the day, would go back through my day.
This transitioned into becoming more aware of the the different types energy that people can emit. I then reached a level in life where i say, i know how this ends. I'm cool with spending time alone, i understand who i am, the things that are important to me, etc. It should be a natural progression in life but obviously some people are not going to tell you that they just want this or that, bc then they don't get what they want.

To sum it up, these are great questions for an honest person.

I would like to say that, Im not sure the question ''Why someone wants to do a certain kink'' would be a question that i would NEED an answer for.

LordofPain56 • Jul 27, 2023

The "Who am I" question may reveal more than meets the eye if one is completely honest with themselves. Doing an honest personal inventory of ones characteristics and sharing that with a prospective partner is absolute minimum if I want to be serious about finding a lifetime partner.
The following is what I wrote of myself (good or bad, but the information leaves not much to question). This was included in an old profile decades ago (which never garnered any attention as I recall). I'm providing it here so people interested in the topic can use it as a sample to ask their own questions of themselves.

I am not one who would hire work out that I can do myself. I do not procrastinate with repair projects. I maintain a lifestyle of consistency and permanence. Not only am I consistent in character, but my surroundings are also consistent and permanent as much as possible. I am: confident, decisive, neat, well-organized, totally self-reliant, routine oriented, goal-oriented, detail-oriented, meticulous, industrious, loyal, devoted, helpful, sincere, honest, affectionate, caring, patient but strict, a good listener, have strong religious and political beliefs and do not compromise my principles. I believe in the power (and virtue) of personal responsibility, therefore I deplore socialism/communism/marxism/totalitarianism. Another thing I absolutely deplore is deception and falsehood. I am tactlessly and brutally honest to a fault and do not apologize for it. I stand for truth in all things. I worked for a living and paid my taxes all my life and expect others to do the same. I do not believe in the credit system. I do not borrow, nor use credit cards. I am not into instant gratification. The reward is only sweeter when time and effort is used to reach the goal. I am opposed to overbearing big government. I have zero interest in any celebrity gossip. I don't like surprizes, especially bad ones. I am happy with what I have done with my life and give thanks to God for the blessings and characteristics he gave me at birth. I have accomplished every major goal I set out to achieve, except one (but there is still time).

lolliLeigh​(sub female) • Jul 28, 2023

thank you @imMe, I guess the beautiful thing about Bdsm is that we are all different. To me the why question is very important, ie why do i want to experience pain in play,people will have different answers to this as we are all different. To me knowing why we do something creates growth

I'mME • Jul 28, 2023

[quote="lolliLeigh"]thank you @imMe, I guess the beautiful thing about Bdsm is that we are all different. To me the why question is very important, ie why do i want to experience pain in play,people will have different answers to this as we are all different. To me knowing why we do something creates growth[/quote


lollieLeigh,
I was thinking you meant specific kinks, not the general category. I understand now, lol, I am very literal.

structureme​(sub female) • Aug 31, 2023

I agree with several of the other earlier comments you don't want to be in a static position you want to be moving forward and evolving. As well as I also agree that when I learned one thing then it makes me more hungrier and insatiable and want to learn more and more so those variables change for what I want what I need what he needs what he wants, all that can change at a drop of a hat. I am a submissive and as much as I want to believe that I know what he wants when he wants it how he wants it where he wants it I'd like to say I know all of those things but I don't. Because think of it this way for an example what if your dominant has you in a head box or anotherform of sensory deprivation. You cannot hear you cannot see you cannot smell. And then he comes along and touches you breathe on you and uses your senses. So how can you say you know what he wants where he wants how he wants what he wants because he is in charge of all those things if you are submissive to him. And that can make it much more fun!

MasterDomDok​(sadist male)​{you?} • Sep 4, 2023

@lolliLeigh​(sub female):

This is a great list! I'm stealing it to vet a few subs I have to choose from..