Attending my first party

Attending my first party

Crocodileteeth​(switch male) • Jun 7, 2025

Hi there,

I’m attending my first BDSM party next week, and I’m incredibly excited to start exploring the scene! I’ll be attending in a submissive role and would really appreciate any advice you might have.

A few questions I have:

What should I wear?
I enjoy exhibitionism and was considering attending naked with a gimp mask—would this be appropriate, or are there usually dress codes or expectations I should be aware of? I want to be respectful of the space and the people there.
How do I respectfully approach a Domme or Mistress at a party?
I understand that etiquette is very important, and I want to make sure I engage in the right way. What’s a good way to introduce myself or express interest in a scene?
Should I message potential play partners beforehand?
I’ve seen that some Mistresses or D-types may be listed as attending. Would it be appropriate for me to politely message them in advance to discuss potential scenes? Or is that considered bad form unless invited?
I know I have a lot to learn, and I’m eager to do so in a safe, respectful, and consensual way. Any guidance or tips for a newbie submissive would be very gratefully appreciated!

Thank you in advance, and I’m looking forward to what could be a transformative experience.

TopekaDom​(dom male)​{Chaos } • Jun 7, 2025

Main thing is not to interrupt someone else's scene. Don't get to close and don't talk to the participants. Don't offer critiques. If what they are doing is not your thing, or is too much for you, walk awal
If you think it is out of control, quietly go find a DM and inform them. They will evaluate what is going on and take appropriate action.

As far as wearing stuff, wear what you want (or don't want to wear anything) as long as it fits the rules of the venue.

No touching what is not yours.

No pics period.

Other than that, have fun!

MissBonnie​(dom female)​{oz} • Jun 8, 2025

TokepaDom is spot on~

Just a few extras for clarification: You know the whole preaching to the perverted thang!

Contact the host and ask if there are restrictions on what to wear at that particular venue. all venues are VERY different .(most venues frown on being completely naked if the space is a public hire space and not a private space. It is law related in some places)

If you are allowed to attend naked . Take a towel to sit on while naked (double check if naked is allowed: is it in? or out of scene? or all the time?), its polite to sit on a towel if naked. Some will not not want to sit where you have had your dangly bits or dribbled on. Additionally remember consent! Not every one wants to see fully naked (I personally don't care or give a rats) and also with consent, not everyone consents to YOUR pre cum fluids where they could be touched (STI's etc)

Second to not touching ANYTHING you don't own and keeping your comments and critique to yourself .... is watch your noise level near a scene. Don't go clapping or anything, if enjoyed the scene and YOU think it ended. sometimes what happens AFTER the scene is just as important to the participants.

also scene names are thing for a reason. Play parties are like vegas. Telling people "person A: insert name here" did X to "person B insert name here" is not a good thing.

Hope you have fun they can be addictive.

Crocodileteeth​(switch male) • Jun 8, 2025

Thanks so much to the both of you for the advise. I particularly appreciate your advise not to interrupt a scene.

TopekaDom​(dom male)​{Chaos } • Jun 8, 2025

That is probably the biggest fuck up anyone can make at a public scene.

Some people have such a biggest ego they have to give "advice" on how things are done. So they talk to the participants or others around them in a loud voice which throws the participants off.

Others get too involved in seeing what is going on they get too close. Sometimes dangerously close.

What these kind of people don't get is that this is live theater, only way more kinky.

Crocodileteeth​(switch male) • Jun 8, 2025

Hence why it is a scene. I'm getting it more now.

Any chance of helping me with another issue. If I see a beautiful Dom who I want to abuse me, how would I instigate a conversation? Or do I wait for her to speak to me? Can I make eye contact?

NarahPrimal​(sub female) • Jun 8, 2025

I agree with what everyone else has stated above.
Each party I have been to has explained the rules to everyone and saftey before the party begins.
In regards to meeting a beautiful Domme please remember that although you are a submissive you are equal to everyone there, unless agreed apon with someone. In saying that being respectful towards others in the lifestlye is always key but that dosnt make you below them.
Have fun and remember to be safe.

Crocodileteeth​(switch male) • Jun 8, 2025

So I would treat it just like any party? If I see a women I fancy I would go and chat to her. If she is Dom, we could discuss whether we could do a scene together, and we would have a discuss the specifics of the scene. I'm I getting the right idea? We would discuss my likes dislikes hard limits, safe word etc?

Crocodileteeth​(switch male) • Jun 8, 2025

Also as a newbie is it better to turn up early or later? If early I will be there sitting by myself, if later everyone will be there and I would feel less self conscious, but I worry that people will have formed their own circles by then! Maybe I'm overthinking it!

MissBonnie​(dom female)​{oz} • Jun 8, 2025

This is going to sound harsh but I think you might need to take down your expectations just a notch or two. Slow down enjoy the journey. Your trying to race to the end.

I'm not saying to hurt to you but to help you, get what you want. Yes by all means go chat so someone you find interesting but keep in mind this Domme knows NOTHING about you. This is your first play party so it will be the FIRST time she is seeing you. You also have no posts here on site and no presence of who you are as a person, so I'm going to say "new" to Femdom too? She doesn't know you online (?) or in person (?). You are a complete stranger to HER

You are planning to walk up to a Dominant woman you don't know and ask her the eviqiulent in BDSM to vanilla of (going to be blunt here) "will you fuck me" (often without the orgasm at parties)..Just like the real world, that might not go down the best with a woman you've known for five minutes. Can it happen? Yeah! will it happen?...well most Dommes will want to know about YOU as a PERSON first but granted we are not all the same. We didn't all get pressed out by the same cookie cutter at the factory so some of us do work differently.

Chances are if she plays at that club, she has a list of people she plays with and list (in her head) of people she thinks, she'd match with to play. When I play at clubs I tend to play with the same group. If I play with someone "new" they are not new to the club. Also sometimes when I plan to play at a club I will spend a lot of time working out my scene. That scene is tailored to my needs and that of the submissive..that doesn't leave me a lot of room for "casual ..blunt again..walk ins" and yes if she wants to play with you, she will do all the consent stuff FIRST (if she doesn't you need the door marked EXIT)

if you want to have the best time go to play party with the idea of meeting people, watching some good scenes and building a social network for BDSM. Get a feel for people. Also you don't know her and your offering yourself up to her based on looks? You have no idea of her style. Her likes, dislikes, if you even match. Granted it is casual play but it is still not something to take lightly. If your going to the play party with the sole idea of getting action/play, maybe a pay to play situation might be better for your needs. Again, not saying to hurt you...just trying to help you get what you want.

Relax slow down. Contact the venue/host if known and ask for details. They will provide you a dress code, time of attendance and expectations. You'll have a good time if you relax and go without expectations. It is hard to be disappointed when don't expect much. If more happens, FANTASTIC! You had a wonderful night instead of a good night. Honest ,relax, enjoy the journey too. Life doesn't come with enough FIRSTS and your going wreck yours , stressing over details. You've got this!