Submissive Neediness

Submissive Neediness

MegaGem​(sub female){Solidbobth} • Sep 12, 2018

So this is a question for both sub and Dom.

But first a bit of an explanation. I have been contact with my Daddy Dom for about a month now.
And as expected things have start to progress.
Along with that, these new feeling/emotions, whatever you want to call them have started to develop. The best word to describe that for me is just need. Need for his praise, his attention, his... Well everything.

I'm still very new to all of this and am getting scared of the way this is making me feel. I just want to know from others experience.... Is this normal? And do I share this with my Dom? How did your relationship start to progress when you first met your Dom/sub?

I just really need some insite....i don't want to message things up by being so needy

Asteria​(neither female) • Sep 12, 2018

D/s is in this case a bit like regular relationships, just much more intense. If you care about someone and you really like them, then it is completely normal that you want to spend as much time as possible with them. It is normal that you need attention. It is normal that you need to feel that you are taken care of. All of this is completely normal. You have the right to have needs - both physical and emotional, after all it's a very human thing and some of those needs are too basic to be neglected. But what is important here is how your Dominant handles those needs.

Fudbar​(dom male){❤️❤️❤️} • Sep 12, 2018

There's a lot in there, modestmeg. My quick answer is that it's very normal and you're a bit self critical.

Leading with the heart and falling fast are issues of mine as well. You can try to be aware and use your brain to counteract things, but the heart can be a silly and willful thing that does not take direction well.

I am slightly concerned that you are worried about how to tell your Daddy all this. At the very least he should be reading your posts and blogs and know that way.

If he is not, and hadn't made you feel like you can share all that, that's a concern. If you are scared and worried about his reaction and rejection, that's very common. Easy to say 'don't be' but it's the truth. If you can't open up to him like that or the responses don't help you, then you should work on communicating better together and try to be honest.

Fear is hard to overcome. All a Daddy can do is try and try and often we burn ourselves out and get frustrated, but know it's because we see the beautiful person behind all the fear and need and want to help them blossom.

It's never because we think you're a hopeless needy mess. To be honest, we like stripping that away and getting inside. It's not you, it's your past, your fears. We want to help, but watching you suffer is tough.

Please keep trying. Your blog on body image issues said to me that you want to get past all that too.

PS: From a completely non involved male perspective, you're very cute and I suspect you have lovely curves. I'll pass on something I've told others in the past. You look at your body every day. You take all the beautiful for granted because it's always been there. You focus on the parts you don't like because they matter to you.

When someone new sees you, they see everything at once. Yes, they see the parts you don't like, but they only care about the whole thing, which is pretty damned gorgeous.

PPS: As someone with almost 30 years experience in the music industry,musicians do this too. They will give an amazing and mind blowing concert and yet be miserable when they finish because they made tiny mistakes that 99% of the audience didn't hear..even the ones that did still thought it was an amazing concert.

Stop fretting, go be amazing.

Talk about it.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Sep 12, 2018

Beautiful reply Fudbar.

MegaGem​(sub female){Solidbobth} • Sep 12, 2018

God, see now, You all have me crying. Especially you Fudbar. It's so easy for me to get wrapped up in my fears and insecurities. When all I need to do is be more open and trusting with my Dom. I'm going to sit down and have a heart to heart with him soon. I need to do this so we can move forward. Thank you all for such kind support

Pumpkin29​(sub female){MrWhite} • Sep 12, 2018

Hey Meg,

As someone who isn't that far ahead of you, and in the same boat, I wanted to reach out and say you're not alone. What you're feeling is normal. And I've learned the hard way that hiding those feelings will not help you.

I fought them tooth and nail, and hid as much as I could for as long as I could. I can't tell you how negative an impact it had.

Be as honest as you're able to with your Dom. That minefield of feelings is something he may expect to help you navigate. It's complicated, and messy, and scary, I know. But just know that you're never alone. You're only a few keystrokes away from people that have your back

djinni​(dom female){smplylaura} • Sep 13, 2018

I struggle with this so much! We have a tremendous amount of history, but our current relationship is relatively new (7 months).

As everyone has stated, communication is key. For me, I write emails to Him, but i don't expect replies. If He wants to discuss we will... but it's mostly for me to empty my head and heart of all the stuff swirling around. It seems to quiet the "monkeys" and give me peace. I would encourage a frank discussion about it though, nothing wrong with sharing your needs and maybe he can give you insight into what you can expect from Him. That way you aren't always in a panic, desperate for something that He's not going to give. That doesn't make Him bad or wrong... but every Dominant is different in their interactions with their submissive. If i expected validation or attention for every little thing, i would walk around wholey unsatisfied, frustrated and butthurt!

One thing that i've learned from Him over our time together and in real life honestly, confidence is sexy and so desirable. I've had body images my entire life. I never found myself the least bit attractive and honestly, I NEVER understood what He saw in me, as i think He's one of the sexiest men alive. Early this year after a severe bout of depression and suicidal thoughts i decided to take charge of my life. i started Weight Watchers, i became obsessed with the gym, started doing yoga... you name it... complete lifestyle change. He and i had reconnected as friends a few years ago, and i knew that i had never stopped having feelings for Him and in one moment i messaged Him something a little more than our friendly chats and thus began our journey again. i'm a different girl now, and i actually "see" why He loves and desires me and never stopped. But other than some weight loss and toning though, physically i'm the same... but what changed is my mental state and confidence. It took me hitting rock bottom though to make the changes... i pray that you see just how awesome you are much sooner than i. Because you are!

Babygirlucy​(sub female) • Sep 13, 2018

I don’t have really anything to add because everybody has already said what needed to be said.

But I wanted you to know that you are not alone. I struggle with self worth and self esteem. I’m attached...deeply. And in order for me to submit to Him completely I have to have a connection and that only works with communication. And I need it constantly.

Bunnie • Sep 13, 2018

I struggled with learning to accept that I can be needy. The more vulnerable I became, the more needy I became... it was terrifying, and horrible. You’re not alone I also understand the fear of sharing that with your Dom... no one wants to admit to being needy... it’s seen as so negative and weak, especially if your a strong, independent woman. Yet here you are... showing and telling someone how much they mean to you, and how much you need them. Is it normal? Who cares. I see it as one of the stepping stones towards forming a foundation of trust... that’s way more important than “normal.” I don’t see “neediness” as a negative thing. Embrace it, cherish it... allow it to help you open up... and share all that with your Dom

SubforHim​(sub female) • Sep 13, 2018

I will piggy back off of what Bunnie and the others said so beautifully. (Fud - your words always amaze me)

I have embraced my neediness and openly share it with my Dom now. He understands where it’s coming from and also helps him know where my mind is....which I believe is another important piece of our lifestyle.

Don’t be scared to share. I know it’s intimidating at first but it will only foster the growth you guys are trying to achieve.