Looking to develop into Experienced, Masterful Dom

Looking to develop into Experienced, Masterful Dom

Helter Skelter • Oct 15, 2018

Any ideas?

Kara​(sub female){Dark Roast} • Oct 15, 2018

Get involved in your local community and find someone who you respect to mentor you?

Bunnie • Oct 15, 2018

Hi @ Helter Skelter the fact that you’re asking this is a great start. I agree with @ Aria. I’d also add... read a lot... blogs, forums, follow links everywhere... google everything, listen to podcasts, talk to people from all different walks of life. There are mentors everywhere. If you show respect, and a desire and willingness to listen and learn, people will step forward to help you... because we all started at the beginning.

Hawkeye • Oct 16, 2018

Avoid your local community at all cost. They are filled with abusive narcissists. Do your research. You will find that child molesters hide in schools and abusers hide in bdsm. I know not a popular thing to say but its the truth. Instead develop real relationships with like minded people. Its a long arduous process but worth it.

Helter Skelter • Oct 16, 2018

Thanks @Kara, I definitely appreciate the advice. I'll need to visit a local munch in the near future.

In line with @Hawkeye, I have reservations as a working professional and want to keep some level of privacy.

Hi @Bunnie,

Any recommendations on podcasts, books or blogs you've found particularly interesting?

Bunnie • Oct 16, 2018

@ Helter Skelter... the ones I personally read are more along the lines of being for submissives, however, if you have a look at DrWakko’s blog, I think he has done one that has a list of books. I think there’s also a forum here that has done the same. The authors who’s books I’ve found quite informative (and who write for both Dom/mes/Tops/subs/bottoms), are Janet W. Hardy and Dossier Easton. However, there are many.
As for podcasts, my favourite is Rainbow Connection, which again, is more geared towards subs... however there are heaps of podcasts to choose from on the main page here.
As for blogs and forums, I try to read most of them. It helps in many ways... not only for learning, but for support.
I think a healthy mixture of both private and community, while not absolutely necessary, is good. I am a member of a few local groups (it’s a small place... pretty much all the same people lol), however I’m not necessarily active in the play aspect. I just find it nice to be able to be around people I can comfortably be myself without having the exhaustion of constantly feeling I need to censor myself. I’m not sure about @ Hawkeye’s experiences, however I know for myself that I haven’t personally experienced any abusers within my local kink community... our group is very focused around SSC, RACK play, education and skillshares. I do, however agree with him when he says, “develop real relationships with like minded people.” To me, that’s what it’s all about. Hope that helps a bit... good luck, I hope you find what you’re looking for

Kara​(sub female){Dark Roast} • Oct 16, 2018

May I recommend John Warren's "The Loving Dominant" ? Also, Gloria Brame's "Different Loving" and Jay Wiseman's "S&M 101".

There might be abusers in your local community. Every group has it's bad apples. However, abusers are more likely to be lone wolves. In a community, education is practiced and openness is encouraged. Someone who attends skill classes and mingles with other kinky people is probably less to be feared than the guy who is secretive about his practices.

If security is a concern, many at munches use nicknames or scene names. You dine in vanilla clothing at a restaurant and it's considered very bad form to out someone who is a fellow attendee. As a matter of fact, it can get you blacklisted. As far as the vanilla world is concerned, it's just a bunch of people meeting for a dinner. A munch organizer would be happy to discuss your concerns.

Helter Skelter • Oct 16, 2018

@Bunnie, Sounds like I have quite the treasure trove of materials to work through. I appreciate your help very much I hope I find what I am looking for too lmao

Thanks for the recommendation @Kara. I'll be genuinely looking for these on my next visit to the bookstore. With so many different styles and perspectives out in the marketplace, it can be nice to have a definitive starting point.

This should keep me busy while I search for a local community too

Phanes​(dom male) • Oct 16, 2018

2 weeks ago. Tue 25 Sep 2018 10:14:25 AM EDT
http://bestslavetraining.com/theory-and-practive-slave-training/theory-slave-training/slave-punishment/ - B.E.S.T. slave Training Guide

https://jolynnraymond.com/2013/02/whats-in-a-name-an-explanation-of-bdsm-roles/ - What’s In a Name? An Explanation of BDSM Roles 18 comments

https://bdsmtrainingacademy.com/ - BDSM Training Academy

https://bdsm-sexperts.blogspot.com/2010/07/types-of-dominance.html - A Kinkster's Guide

https://www.lovense.com/bdsm-blog/bdsm-punishment-ideas - SUBMISSIVE DISCIPLINE - 45 BDSM PUNISHMENT IDEAS

rosethorn​(sub female) • Oct 16, 2018

Some advice...
this is what I do or trying too, for some people keeping two parts of there life's separate is important, it isn't a choice for everyone.
I find out about a community you can get too but is far enough away that you have zero chance of bumping into one another in other situations.
Read, Read and then Read some more... this also depends on what areas interest you before any restraints I suggest reading anatomy books look for nerve and arteritis, this right here is a MUST! not optional. Even if using handcuffs or hog ties, your with a human being you take care of her or him.
You can then start to look for events (again further enough away) I was horrified to find local rope course next to mine left subs seriously hurt as they don't follow the anatomy as they are all about the rope.... sigh. The subs where also not too vocal as they had basically been dismissed as causing a fuss. I questioned them and all the concern was about the rope not the anatomy and person …. you see this then you RUN. Some images that look amazing are seriously damaging, if you get good enough you can spot it from the images (yes I understand and can edit to an extent). Once you have found a group that is further enough away to be considered safe with other areas of your life and you feel safe with and takes care of subs, then your very lucky, this can take a long time and doesn't happen quickly, its okay to take your time and find somewhere you feel safe and are comfy with. If something doesn't feel right, listen to your gut, it could be your not ready or that the place isn't safe or just not for you, either is fine. I had a few Doms before my last Master who was for 4 years... everyone has a different style and you sort of have to fit together much like a vanilla style and any relationship. Even if you don't 'fit' together, you can if you feel comfy enough start to build skills together. So this is out of sub and Dom as such just think of it like a practice run... no relationship stuff at play just areas you find of interest and the sub does too and you can build your skills and have conversations with someone else who understands the lifestyle. It can take a very long time... but you will find someone who fits your style.