What should you do if you catch your new Dom in a lie

KittenKatt • Feb 5, 2020

That’s a rather big lie. Definitely not a white lie. He’s hiding more than his location.

Lies = bye bye.

FunCouple{.-Couple-.} • Feb 5, 2020

(‘ I am a strong, independent, hardworking, intelligent, well rounded, passionate, reserved and creative individual.’ )

“Hello my love. I miss you. So help me out ..... why do I have this silly, sneaky suspicion your being a cheeky monkey and calling me from Europe and not the US?”

His response determines your next course of action.
FC

PS
If you have a boil lance it if it’s irritating, or let it be.

alawey​(sub female){(OWNED BY } • Feb 5, 2020

Ok this is not what most would call a white lie at all i would say just by the responds that you have gotten back so far.

If i was with someone and they told me one thing and then went and did the opposite ( knowing ahead of time they were going to do this) i would for sure have a talk about why they thought they needed to this

Angel Wings​(sub female) • Feb 5, 2020

There is no reason to lie at all. It breaks down trust and without trust what do we really have? It would be a deal breaker for me.

FireflyandMasterJD • Feb 5, 2020

I've been thinking about this a lot....my answer is harsh for a reason...in D/s we work at a relationship that will take us into some amazing spaces, scary spaces and downright dangerous spaces...and trust is paramount..not just your body but your emotions will be given to your Dom for him to hold in the palm of his hand and nurture and take care of. This is probably one of the biggest responsibilities on the planet apart from being a parent. Huge stuff.

So, you say he has lied about his location.? Europe is a long way from the US..and a very different arena...my first question is WHY would he like about this? I mean, location is location...right? I fail to understand why he wouldn't tell you where he is...unless he is up to something he doesn't want you to know. You need to ask him WHY he felt the need to lie about this..it makes no sense to me. And then you need to decide if this one lie will get in your head and prevent you from ever trusting him again...because trust is very fragile in D/s and very easily broken. And this isn't a white lie...it's a big lie...if you need to chat do PM me....I'm here to support you...I'm sorry if I come over harsh but I married a conman and I think I'm naturally suspicious!!

Justme26 • Feb 5, 2020

1. I would not call that a little or a white lie. It sounds very suspect to me.
2. Definitely tell him you know.
3. If he seems to be a habitual lier then don't get dragged in to his private world. Those people will damage you.

xwillowx{Not lookin} • Feb 6, 2020

I will speak a bit different than you have heard so far. Are you sure he is lying? Or is your mind worried? If I have learned anything it is that communication in these types of situations is key. KEY. So, get your info gathered. Then pose a well thought out question to him. Not to "catch" him. But to inspire him to be honest with you. And if NOT honest, I completely agree that you should move on. This shit doesn't work without ultimate trust. But we also have a way of letting ourselves run away with our minds or hearts. Keep an open mind as much as you can. Be fair. Life offers MANY situations we can't even begin to imagine. Maybe the situation isn't a lie but is something he simply chose not to tell you. He's human. You're human. Never forget that.

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Feb 6, 2020

you at least deserve an answer on why he lied about his location. Unless hes a spy, MI5,government agent or gun for hire!...is there really a reason to lie about your location? what difference would it make, you knowing a where he was or even what country he was in?

Notely • Feb 8, 2020

This is a new thing for you at this time it should been you both getting to know each other on both ends taking it slow. They need to get you emotional invested before you hooked on them. It's sounds also like this was little rushed in getting to know each other.

If you both only meet online maybe did things online for him between you and him.
Communication is key, Trust , Being open and honest.

But it sounds like he benching you saying he one place not being fully honest and vanishing other times. He probably doing this to other women and meeting some in first life ones he meet online he playing a game trying to get away with it.

So the thing I can tell you never go by sweet words go by sweet effect. He needs to show it and be willing to meet in real and committed and be their when he saying when he going to be their.
I know not your fault your still learning we live and learn as we go but learn to guard your heart your body is a temple someone has to respect to get in it Don't submit to anyone unless they earn your trust and respect and heart they need to get to know you meet in real a few times take you out on dates get in your mind not just your body the whole BDSM thing will fall together at the right time.

Their are some Dom's out their that claim to be a Dom but they hide they will pretend to and sweet talk to what you want to hear they will demand you to submit right away do things for them you may not feel comfortable doing but you may have desire to feel owned but thing is you also have needs just as a Dom does its a two way street thing is everything has to be agreed on its not just about one its team work. Someone has to exchange energy with you in trust can not just be handed out like candy. A good connection had to start some where with being open on both sides good Dom would want be committed and willing and lead the hand in good way to want to meet in real not bench you. So I put this all together its more then I lie its more as red flag and you should have to waste your time waiting around for this person you should let loss and move on.

Without communication, there is no relationship. Without respect, there is no love. Without trust, there's no reason to continue.


I am cancer very empathic been in the lifestyle 19 years with experience you can do better I would not put up with it.

FeralM​(dom male) • Feb 9, 2020

I think being accountable is a two way street. If he expects to know where you are, he should be honest about where he is. This lie sets off a pretty major red flag. Makes me wonder what else he is hiding. I just scrolled up and realized I repeated what Stepfordbride had said and I had not even read it yet, so yes - I think she is on to something. I have not been involved in a BDSM relationship, but this person fails even a basic test of loyalty, and if anything..the bar of trust has to be even higher for BDSM than vanilla.