Am I wrong?

Re: Am I wrong?

Sasa​(dom female) • Jul 14, 2020

I wouldn't believe you, but I would see the menetekel on the wall a little faster. It's your decision

Zedland​(dom male) • Jul 14, 2020

The abusive ex comes forward about how the woman of your life is actually a manipulative witch who has constructed an elaborate, specific, detailed and internally consistent series of lies and will one day betray you? Yeah it sounds a little insane doesn't it.

Most likely current boyfriend will think you're an asshole trying to fuck things up to continue hurting her. But do as you will.

Re: Am I wrong?

acquiesced​(sub male) • Jul 15, 2020

Nice word. I think this is my ultimate goal I think. And actually hopes for success for both. I am really that kind of guy, which makes this whole thing difficult to digest. It's a 'Kobayashi Maru.'

acquiesced​(sub male) • Jul 15, 2020

That felt like a punch in the gut. Only for a moment though, because I really am all about doing good.

Bunnie • Jul 15, 2020

I think Zedland nailed how it will potentially come across as seeming to the new man.

I understand your desire to want to prevent anyone else from experiencing what you did, however, I’m going to point something out that may hurt... please try to understand that it’s not my intention to hurt your feelings by saying it.

There is a possibility that their relationship won’t go the same way yours did. Something I have come to learn is that we all bring out different aspects of each other, and we all create a different dynamic in the space between us. I’m sorry yours became toxic, it would be heartbreaking after trying for so long to find happiness.

Perhaps an option is to give her an opportunity to grow and learn from her mistakes. Perhaps she’s in a position to try to do better.
You are too.
I would ask yourself, are you learning from your mistakes... or simply trying to continue with the same behavioural patterns that made your relationship toxic?

I always struggle with knowing whether to speak out to others and share knowledge I may have about situations. I would say that any time I have, 99.99% of the time it has been ignored. Another 99% of that remaining 0.01% it backfired on me.

What I have come to learn is that we can’t prevent people from making mistakes. What we can do though, is help support them when they do.
You are in a tricky situation. If it truly is selfless, then you know he’ll be ok during the relationship (as you were)... just be sure that if it ends, if she begins saying things that are false, you let him know that you believe him.

acquiesced​(sub male) • Jul 15, 2020

Thanks all. I'm going to wrap this up by just putting it on the shelf right now. If it warrants anything further it will come to me. I don't need to take any action. I have moved on in many ways. This (her and another) was the one thing unresolved for me and this post has given me peace.

Back to the regularly scheduled broadcast.

Bunnie • Jul 15, 2020

I wish I could have offered something better as advice. I think you’re more wise than you give yourself credit for... your decision sounds like a good idea to me.

Literate Lycan​(dom male) • Jul 15, 2020

I know you said you’re going to wrap this up and put it on the shelf, but I thought I’d add my one cents worth (not even worth two).

Have you “really” considered why you wish to do this? Is it really to help someone you don’t know avoid a pitfall that you ignored and stepped right in. Or is it to get back at your ex and possibly restore any bit of your reputation with the Vanilla community that has distanced itself from you? I’m guessing when you mentioned that the stories about the previous exes made sense in that you heard the stories from her and not from others. Or did you hear about her from others and still chose to ignore the warnings?

I would probably be just as offended or hurt if I wound up being misrepresented by an ex. And to have others who know you consider you an abusive individual is harsh. But you seem to be carrying her burden still and maybe you need to find a way to let it go.

There is no wrong answer and this isn’t a dig at you. If you do approach the new boyfriend, just be honest with yourself about why you’re doing it. If you are trying to restore your reputation - not bad. If you’re attempting to destroy her reputation - eh - questionable. If you’re trying to save him from a fate worse than death - not bad but also maybe he won’t heed your advice and like Bunnie indicated, maybe she has matured.

Good luck on your path in life.