A little bit lost and worried

UrsaMinora​(sub agender) • Oct 21, 2020

The fact that you're not answering my question about having a trans woman as a sub tells me you would probably reject her based on her trans status, so it seems you don't see trans women as real women. Brilliant

simplylaura​(sub female){djinni} • Oct 21, 2020

I've been on the Cage a little bit over a year and have found it to be welcoming, albeit cis-heterocentric. My partner/ dominant and I are both cisgender queer women and are in the minority. I would say that most folks here aren't quite aware of the nuances you are getting at in terms of transgender vs transgenders, and without wanting to go into the "well meaning" trope, are well meaning. I definitely feel the need to inject my voice into things, especially when blanket language such as Dom=man sub= woman, but overall my experience here has been good (I met my love who moved across country to be with me this summer) and I've met good folks who speak my language of queer, lol.

In short, welcome and I hope you stick around. Your voice is needed and heard by those who get it. There are kinky queers of all sorts in the shadows

UrsaMinora​(sub agender) • Oct 21, 2020

Hi simplylaura
Thanks for your encouragement. I realise it looks like I've just come in and started throwing a tantrum, which is really not my intent, but it's really frustrating to be told this is a welcoming place, and then to be completely invalidated several times, and come across two transphobes in the first 12 hours, has really put my back up. On top of that I've been dealing with a lot of bigotry outside of here so am on ultra high alert mode

IowaDom​(dom male) • Oct 21, 2020

OK .... I tried, I REALLY tried to be decent and civil with you, I tried to understand your position, tried to empathize with your position as well, when that failed, I tried to just walk away, but friend, your ass is over the line now, WAY over, and you have reached my personal limits on civility. So let me be PERFECTLY CLEAR.

1. I didn't answer your trans woman question because it is NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS.
2. Don't you EVER, and I mean EVER attempt to drop a fucking label like transphobic or any other unsubstantiated term on me, or any other member of this community without being able to BACK IT UP. And while you're at it, as far as this community goes, stuff that bigotry bullshit too. Don't walk into the party and expect it to turn around you .. it won't.

UrsaMinora​(sub agender) • Oct 21, 2020

1. You were the one that originally said you'd reject a trans person, not me
2. Go fuck yourself. Don't ever speak to me like that. You have no right to tell me what I should and shouldn't be offended by, you don't know the issues that trans folk face. So yeah, go fuck yourself

UrsaMinora​(sub agender) • Oct 21, 2020

On that note I think it's clear that this community doesn't give a fucking shit about trans folk unless we are quiet and don't make noise

tallslenderguy​(other male) • Oct 21, 2020

A couple of thoughts to add to the discussion.

This is not a controlled environment, sort of like a city street? Sure, there are 'laws' as in any city, but there are still muggers, democrats, republicans, religious, criminals of all sorts, and good people trying to life ethically... all mixed up together.

i'm gay from a conservative religious background. i know what it means to be marginalized, treated as 'other.' know what it means to lose everything because of self acceptance. i get how hard it can be, though it's different for everyone. i've experienced heteronormative attitude plenty here, but also a lot of cool, sweet people. So much behavior is reflexive. That's not a defense for presumption, but it's true. The majority in control is not accustomed to being aware in the same way a person who has experienced being different is. When your reality is different, the reality the majority is presenting becomes a lot of things. Though i think most here have the foundation for consideration (BDSM isn't exactly the norm lol), it can be so easy to create majorities within minorities.

i know some people identify as 'trans." i also think the vocabulary is evolving? There was an era when blacks talked among themselves as "negros," then "colored," "black," "people of color." "Fag," "queer," used to be an insult, now many gays own the label with pride. i won't be surprised if some of the terms used to try to communicate "trans" or "agender" will experience evolution as well?

i think many, if not most, know the answer to this dilemma, we use it often... but we need to apply it more universally? Ask. Ask the person who they are. And when they say, don't assume the words they use have the same meaning it does for us. We live in an exciting time, i think. Where people who have been invisible are showing their selves. i think the best approach may be to ask them to explain who they are, what they think, how they feel, what words they use. We will fuck up, but i think it is worth while to apologize and keep at it.

IowaDom​(dom male) • Oct 21, 2020

I didn't tell you what to be offended by, I said KEEP YOUR LABELS to yourself, and my choices in partners is NOT YOUR BUSINESS.

All viewpoints, kinks, sexual preferences are and have always been welcomed here. Your right to "make noise" as you put it, stops at the point of your tossing slanderous labels around. Want to be outraged? Go for it. Want to scream your views at the top of your lungs -- have at it. But if you think your right to be outraged empowers you to label others with horrific slanderous terms, you have a lot to learn about freedom.

I walked away before this could begin, I saw it coming a mile away, so I just took the train. You decided to add your personal judgement, and a label, after I walked. I have been a contributing member of this community for some time now, never shirked from helping somebody when I could, and I'll be damned if I'll let you waltz in and toss your bullshit on my name and reputation

SAXMANIAC​(sub female) • Oct 21, 2020

Maybe just explain a little. There have been plenty of posts I have read where someone had to remind us that not everyone is hetero. Having a trans perspective just adds more to an already beautifully diverse community.
We're not perfect, we won't always get it right. So help us out a little when needed.

UrsaMinora​(sub agender) • Oct 21, 2020

I call it like I see it, and I've encountered bigotry and transphobia in this community in the tiny amount of time I've been here. I've also had some nice encouraging messages from folk too

Just because you someone doesn't mean to be offensive doesn't mean that they shouldn't work to *not* be offensive. But you, personally, have been dismissive as all hell, and as such can go fuck yourself as I said. You say you walked, but back you keep coming to spout more vitriol in my direction