Is this acceptable?

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Feb 9, 2021

Mydelilah​(dom female){juststeve}
"Is this acceptable? I received a letter from my submissive's former Domme. Is this typical??
My gut says this is overstepping. Read or no???"
...............
It's overstepping if you feel it to be.

If they parted amicably or with just the normal discord that is one thing. If they parted with drama and ugliness, quite another. I would see if the ex had tried to contact your sub directly. It's fair to discuss this type of thing so that you are united front if this person is trying to drive a wedge between you.

My sense is you feel it is a ploy of some type. Act accordingly.

My Dear{Trust} • Feb 9, 2021

I would read it but with a grain of salt. Especially because of the bigger picture of your situation. It could be anything from a request for forgiveness to information they believe you aren't aware of.

The problem is that not knowing would eat at me whereas knowing but not trusting or believing, I could set it aside.

theirlovedsub​(sub female) • Feb 9, 2021

Is it acceptable? I don't know. Probably nothing useful inside. I get a reference is handy, but my assumption is that it is not a simple reference being you're already in this new dynamic and no one asked for it.

I'd read the message, but really without putting much stock in what the contents are.

I couldn't not read it, though.

Tthomas • Feb 9, 2021

Well said....I second this message.

Virginie​(sub female){lcpw} • Feb 10, 2021

i love what is RIGHT and HELL NO soooo wrong^^^. Come on. We dont' know what's in there. As of when you wrote this neither do you. You do know that this is not a cut and dry past/present situation. Say that it was though. Sometimes people need closure. Sometimes when a situation gets dramatic and they dont' have a direct line of communication to you they may decide finally to cut through the bullshit ( rumor mill etc) and reach out. Perhaps there are things in there that will bring you understanding, and bring her closure. A little bit of grace, and a little less mine mine mine can do amazing things.
Whoever said the past is the past, essentially implying it has no value is FOS. No, living in the the past no good. What is it do you think that shaped your present however? ( yes the answer is your past) Forgiveness, making peace with one's past can do so much. It can even dull/expel the urge to keep going back there in your mind- once you sort things and have that last conversation. (Once people have shared things after some time has passed and their perspective sits without mind-bending levels of emotion.)
I should mention I'm completely biased because 1.I was just denied the opportunity to say things that still weigh heavy on my heart even though I think having A, one, Last conversation ( or letter) would speed the healing and moving on. Also biased because I know all parties here and theres only one whose letter I wouldn't read, and he has testicles.
His letter can wait awhile. Like till you let him out of the dungeon in 6 years.

Kelpi • Feb 10, 2021

Never thought about closure before. I just always walked away and tried not to look back but there are times when you have to just to wonder why and what you could have done different. V is right your past make you who you are and that makes your future. I wonder what I would have been like if I had closed a few doors after walking out.

Re: Is this acceptable?

emmmllliiininenine​(sub female) • Feb 11, 2021

I cannot say if it is typical(if i had to guess i’d say no) since im rather ignorant on that. However, i’d read it and just assume good intent. The former dom may just want to help or may have some insight that could be useful. Just make sure to talk about it and take it with a grain of salt bc what really matters is the “now” of yalls relationship.
Best of luck!

Taramafor​(sub male) • Apr 11, 2021

Being blunt. Always get the full story and read/listen in full.

It's the logic of "missing context". Sometimes things get worse before they get better as well. But once the "full story" is obtained then things may well be better the originally assumed.

The danger is in "blindless" (wilful ignorance) and assumptions. Without awareness, we don't know the situation. And if that situation affects me... Well, personally I have to know how I'm affected.

And personally speaking if I had been more aware of some things in the past, things wouldn't have gone as bad as they did. Others seem to say the same about how important awareness and not being blind is. So logically, it seems pretty important to always have both eyes open. Unless blindfolded an gagged in a BDSM room for funsies or something.

I can't say I've heard of a situation where people have kept each other in the dark and then gone "We meant to treat each other right with understanding". So logically, if there's a lack of understanding, then find out. Otherwise how do you know how you affect each other?

The letter could have "I look past the worst of you" at the end. Or maybe it could be "I wouldn't write so much if I wasn't misunderstood". There's just no way of knowing this until it's known.

It's also impossible to know if you want to read something if you haven't read it yet too. I mean, you haven't read it yet. So how can you know? Which presents something of an impass. In order to know that answer, you have to read it.

Kelpi • Apr 11, 2021

To be honest it depends on what was said if it was hi this is what she likes OK but if she is wanting her back no. Either way it is over stepping since she moved on but a hello is not harmfull

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Apr 11, 2021

Kelpi
4 minutes ago • 04/11/2021 1:02 pm
To be honest it depends on what was said if it was hi this is what she likes OK but if she is wanting her back no. Either way it is over stepping since she moved on but a hello is not harmfull
....................................

Why would a former bother to write to say hello? And why should this couple care? This is not a person in their lives. Giving the benefit of the doubt is one thing but people who lack boundaries lack boundaries. The OP is not obligated to help them with that. If that last relationship ended and no one was in contact with anyone, why bother to do anything with it now? Sometimes people only want you back when you have a new person. And like it or not there are people who live to make trouble.

OP would not have asked if she felt fine with it. I would ask my sub what his experiences with this person were and if they weren't good then I would not want contact for any reason.