Blow Jobs as punishment

AKkitten • Aug 23, 2021

“Grooming or training your sub's mind to associate a bj with a negative consequence seems wrong. Good luck in the future of her/him ever wanting to do it for pleasure. Please dominate responsibly.”

Im not sure if this was directed at another users comments or my original question, but my dom’s aggressive behavior turns me on. As i stated since i enjoy his shaft being shoved in me, anywhere really, I have never associated his aggressive bjs as a negative nor has it ever been presented as one. Thats why I was asking for the correct terminology. My dom loves me unconditionally and I him. He would never do something that truly made me hurt or be uncomfortable in a negative way during “playtime” or in life really. Thats why he gets my submission, because he and I trust each other completely.

PreciousPrey​(sub female) • Aug 28, 2021

Definitely seeing both ways this could be interpreted. I've been aggressively handled during oral sex, and it's was considered a funishment. Part of the negotiated scene, and it was arousing and a lot of fun.. However, I've also been punished by an angry partner by being forced to service... "put in my place" in a very... non-negotiated situation.... and just speaking from my personal insight, I very much found it hard to revisit that form of play without a negative mindset for a lengthy amount of time.

Balthezor​(dom male) • Aug 28, 2021

Every couple & dynamic is going to be different. This type of thing I’ve only done when the pure brat side came out. It’s part of the entire bigger picture & the relationship going on.

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Aug 28, 2021

I've had this experience and in the moment it was intense.

You said, " So maybe “punishment” for “misbehaving” might not be the right term? The thing is that I’ve always been a sub to my Dom but are just recently we started learning the terminology and the lifestyle as a whole. I’d love some good feedback on this."

this is what we call funishment NOT punishment. If you deliberately misbehave, then it's a game, not obedience. If he goes to a forced BJ and you think it's hot that's cool, but I have an issue with the "him not wanting to discuss" thing.

I don't believe there are areas closed to discussion with new people. You need to enjoy your impulses but don't ignore them.

What you described can be very primal for both but with aggressive behavior. However, there can develop diminishing returns so you might act out more and more and unless he is more and more aggressive/violent, it will not hit your buttons the same. then you will both be out of ideas.

If you are his sub and he your Dom, I suggest you let more communication and less game-playing drive your dynamic. The primal stuff will always be there.

absolutely love using this as a punishment , or even using d

I'mME • Sep 17, 2021

Do you mean funishment ? Punishment and funishment are two separate concepts.

And OP,
Are you in a CNC, is that funishment (his cock always being shoved into your mouth) or is that during a scene or just to shut you up ?

To each their own, but your post reads almost as if you 2 had not discussed what is happening.









[quote="Starwarsnerd"]for me I love the feeling of ?

No Body​(dom male) • Sep 17, 2021

There is no love or caring in it as if you where giving him one yourself. It is all about his primal need to force it down your throat hard and fast.

Re: Misbehaving on purpose

I'mME • Sep 17, 2021

NOT playing with me, stonewalling me, not petting me, and depriving me of sex are my real punishments



You do not specify a time frame for your relationship and it may or may not be relevant.

Stonewalling
Depriving me of sex

Did you agree to these as types of punishment ?

Stonewalling is the silent treatment and no human being should ever be subjected to it whether in a D/s, M/s, or vanilla. It's immature and points to someone who does have good communication skills.
It's abusive and especially from positions of authority . An example of silence that may not be abusive (an argument where someone just needs a bit collect their thoughts, or a specific small amount of time say 30 minutes although that would be a NO on my HARD limit side.

Depriving or withholding sex as a punishment is also a form of abuse. It's called denial of affection. While I didn't state it in my other post, sexual punishments (I am not referring to funishments. But a sub should be able to use their words (need a spanking ask, want to sexually serve your Dom, I can not imagine a Dom turning their subs attention away especially if it's obvious that they have taken care in planning something though they may flip the tables on a sub and it ends with both parties satiated and in need for a nap. I do understand every one's dynamic is different, and bratting is a big part of many dynamics, many ways of this being achieved.


Sexual acts, or anything to do with sex, IMO, should never, ever be used in the punishing of a s
After your Dom withholds sex as punishment for you OP, do you feel better, do you feel as if you have atoned for you action. Does he forgive you for whatever you did that he withheld sex,and it's never mentioned again.

Or
Is he arbitrary in when he withholds sex or do you know the exact offense and he stated that he is withholding sex because you did or didn't ?????? Does he explain to you what rule you have not followed when he gives you the silent treatment (stonewalls) and for how long?


How do you feel after either of these situations above ?

I will assume you are 18 years old or older, and able to give consent. Did you give him consent to be 'punished' this way?


You know I am actually concerned and I am that person to stop the train and ask a question to a passenger.

These two particular things are part of a pattern and I just wanted to clarify that you are okay with and consented to these things as punishment.

I'm a firm believer in live and let live, but I also have a good many years on this earth, and I am just concerned.

Kitzer​(sub female) • Sep 17, 2021

I could be wrong but I think she's meaning that those would be real punishments for her rather than the bj. I don't think she's meaning that he uses those methods against her. But only she can answer that.

As for the original post, I'd say provided both parties are pleased with it, it doesn't really matter what you call it. If that's your thing then have at it as much as you want. Funish away!

If you want to be technical about it, real punishment is used as a tool for behavior modification and it's used to discourage bad behavior.

I'd say the real danger here is him using it as a real punishment and you not really learning anything from it because you like it so much. (If he isn't careful he's going to teach you to behave badly) But it sounds to me like both of you want the excuse to get down with it so... Bombs away!!

I'mME • Sep 17, 2021

@kitzer

I reread the post several times before I gave it some thought and then wrote what I did. So I just went and reread it again. She is saying those are her real punishments, that is what is written grammatical wise..
I hope she clears the matter up. My post is written from the perspective of what she wrote and I stand by it.
Thank you for the definition of discipline, where in my post did I not seem to not understand what disciine means?

For the record I will say again
I live by lice and let live. But that does not mean that I bury my head in the sand like an ostrich..
I live my life one way. Not this way over here and then around these people over there I am a different way. If she says she is good with her life, then okay, maybe my statements will help someone else, but I did not waste my time and I will sleep well because I did not just sit back and say hmm. That sounds iffy, but let someone be that person.

Kitzer​(sub female) • Sep 17, 2021

I don't know why you think I was trying to silence you. I didn't think what you wrote was wrong. I was simply stating what I thought OP meant by it and thought that she could clear that up if she wanted to.

And the whole second part of my post had nothing to do with your post. Hense the "as for the original post" I was responding to the OP's original post. And the over all discussion here.