SPOT THE DIFFERENCE?

SageFlame​(sub female) • Sep 13, 2021

@cherilynn

Are you saying people who have experienced trauma are dangerous? What mental health issues do you find scary? I am asking for clarification because your message seemed to use a broad brush. I mean, the most common mental health issue we have all had to some degree or another - depression. Other common ones are eating disorders, anxiety and addictive behaviors, etcetera. Which ones are you saying make someone dangerous?

Sasa​(dom female) • Sep 14, 2021

"Anyway he said that a sub with mental health problems wanting a serious D/s relationship is a dangerous game..."

Read first please and don't react fast. Nobody said THEY are dangerous. Nobody blames anyone who has baggage!

Being in the lifestyle means also dancing around old land mines and triggers anyway. We all have them. It is a constant pushing and pulling when we open up and stripping layers, often for both sides of the slash. What I read is that some people have to have professional help and that is simply true.

I know many here have the idea he or she has enough knowledge about therapy... I doubt that.

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Sep 14, 2021

SageFlame

"In truth, we all have mental health issues. It is part of the human condition. Being aware of your mental health, taking responsibility in caring for your mental health and gaining education on the subject are ways to become confident. Knowledge and understanding are antidotes to fear. Especially when it comes to the fear of mental health issues."

....
Sage, I disagree.

Being mentally and emotionally healthy is not the same as having mental health issues.

Having challenges or experiences in life that impact you mentally and emotionally is not having mental health issues.

We all have our emotional and mental experiences and some of those take time (if ever) to get rid of, but having mental health issues is not that. There is no positive side to that distinction. It is generally accepted that the term mental health issues mean the opposite of healthy and responsible functioning.

Everyone doesn't have that. We do have a large collection of people drawn to the lifestyle who are struggling with mental health issues, which is not good for them or us.

Again, if your idea of a scene is a little spank and such and then sex then some things are less of an issue. However, if you are doing bondage, sensory deprivation, knife play, or heavy Sm, then it is a very big deal. People with many triggers, PTSD, manic depression, or self-destructive tendencies, etc. can lose it in a scene and get hurt or hurt others. Or get into more trouble when they attempt to use BDSM as a replacement for obtaining proper mental health professional attention.

I agree with the perspective that if you have mental health issues you are not dealing with you put yourself and your partner at risk when you engage in BDSM.

I'mME • Sep 17, 2021

@SageFlame,

In truth, we all have mental health issues


On this point, I am going to disagree with you because that is simply not true. Yes people may get down,or angry,or any number of things. But that is not the same as mental health issues. Depression is can be a physical symptom of a brain issue, too much or not enough, physical injury to the brain , or genetics. But not everyone has mental health issues.

RTeacher​(dom male) • Sep 17, 2021

1. How can you tell a true real Dom from a fake Dom who just wants nudes and a bit of short term fun?
Not a easy question to answer. But I will try..
People can say a lot of thing. I am a master. I have 42 slaves. I have 100years of experience. But if you take that person who claims this to a new surrounding where he or she have never been before. Lets say a coffee place. How does this Dom behave and how does the staff, guests behave. Does the Dom get attention right away from the staff. How does he/she communicate? Does the words when speaking say the same thing as the body language. Doing a simple task like this might give you might answer your question.

2. I was speaking to a Dom a few weeks ago (sure he was fake) guess I'll never know. Anyway he said that a sub with mental health problems wanting a serious D/s relationship is a dangerous game...how true is this?
Would say that question has no yes or no answer. My hearth says that the person you meet is a little scared. One thing you can do when having these kinds of discussions is to tell your Dom what can be done with your mental health issues. Like you having the chance to take off your collar for a moment when you need to be held for a moment to make the thoughts go away.

> Also any advice or tips or just anything will be greatly appreciated 😍
You are never alone..

> Thanks
No worries..

Valore • Sep 29, 2021

I believe both Sage and you may be singing a similar tune, but with different words and perspectives as well as some words left out(that could be due to any number of things including but not limited to experiences, personal preferences, location, upbringing, etc)

--
The definition of a mental disorder:

Mental disorder
Also called: mental illness
A wide range of conditions that affect mood, thinking, and behavior.
--

In this... a mental disorder can be a wide variety of things.
And as is the complexity and sheer magnitude of different methods to cope and/or solve such things... if desired....
So too is the broad range of variables included in each individual of whom identifies with them.

There is no right or wrong other than in what dictates as consent and general care for the subject/s involved.

Knowing someone has difficulties in any way or sort in regards to a mental disorder, but still wishes to engage in risky behavior for whatever reason... is something that should be discussed between those involved in the act or thoughts of it.
There is no danger unless it is not appropriately addressed and handled. Same as diving off a cliff into the ocean can be a big risk if not properly handled.

In my personal opinion... a disorder itself is not dangerous. It is only the handling of such that determines it's danger level.
It can be very risky, but I've seen completely vanilla relationships with both individuals having severe mental disorders, but no professional attention to them... they were happy and seemingly entirely normal individuals who co-existed within society without much issue. They would attend to each others needs and pay attention.

Now... again. My personal opinion is also that if one does not have the capability or faculty to handle things... then absolutely attempting it becomes a danger! Being absolutely sure is only half the battle in deciding whether to undertake a risk. You must have no doubt and plenty of experience... even if this is not available... it is possible to get lucky... but I would not advise such behavior at all.
I am simply stating my knowledge and small acuity of experience while hoping my 2 cents worth becomes of use to someone.

Always be prepared. Always exercise consent, communication, attentiveness, and caution when attempting a risk. Know yourself, your partner/s and contingencies should anything go wrong. BE SAFE.

E(Valore)