Rules and Check Ins

Miki​(masochist female) • Jun 17, 2023

I've never been in a dynamic or relationship but "rules" have to be amended from time to time with any ongoing personal interaction. People change, relationships change and so must the participants; lest there be stagnation.

Now of course throwing everything out the window and changing all "rules" "personal policy" or whatever people want to call it can also be extreme to the point of toxicity, so with most major tweaks and adjustments there should be abundant communication and a good level of consensus.

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And of course, people grow apart and everything has to change.

I guess it's true, change is one constant in life, as the ancient Greek philospher Heraclitus once said.

And if I am not mistaken another ancient philosopher dude added "Human fear of change is the other notable constant in life."

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... Such are my 2 cents on this important topic. Sorry it is longer than I intended

Unfortunately I am occasionally given to the fine (!) art of verbosity, even if only on "paper".

LordofPain56 • Jun 18, 2023

I have never changed rules and don't plan to. I would be open to adding new rules if needed. As I recall, I have 12 House Rules and 12 Relationship Rules. There is nothing in them that anyone I have ever known found objectionable or offensive. I believe having a steadfast set of rules maintains consistency, so that she knows what to expect.
As far as check-ins; if you mean agreed upon periodic communication by whatever means agreed upon; I have never had any requirement written down. But I always envisioned a relationship in which both partners cared enough to let the other know where they were going and when they expected to be back among other things of importance, so that the other partner wouldn't need to worry about what happened to them. I don't need a minute-by-minute itinerary, but she would need to work around the usual domestic activity schedule posted on the corkboard.

RiverWolf​(masochist female) • Jun 18, 2023

Check ins as in a time when all parties take the time to make sure things are working. That's very important in a dynamic.... A child needs rigid never changing rules. Adults are different.... Not sure how you don't know what a check in is. Were you not trained or taught how to be a dom? I'm curious really.

check-ins

LordofPain56 • Jun 18, 2023

Never heard of "check-ins" but for what you describe, I call it "oversight". It is a monthly meeting, if even that is necessary. But if the Rules are being followed, it shouldn't be.

Some adults I've known need rigid never changing rules and then some!

I do, I just call it something different.

Why would I need to be trained? I was BORN a Dom. I can run an entire engineering office better by myself than if I had help.

RiverWolf​(masochist female) • Jun 18, 2023

So you've got no clue of what you're doing.... Plus you're arrogant. Good to know. So no will to learn no real training to know how to do things correctly. Yup you're not any good at this which also explains why you didn't even know what a check in put in this context was. Yet you claim you can do every engineering job by yourself all art once. Yeah right nobody can. So did you get your engineering job with zero training at all? No you didn't. So what makes you think you don't when you literally hold another person's life in your hands? Come on use that brain if you even have one....

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • Jun 18, 2023

Jewel,
I would advise caution when making a determination about someone. You don't know LOP nor do you know their history. While they may not be healthy for YOU to be with, everyone has different terminology.

If you don't want to be judged SOLELY on a single post of your's, then I would suggest you do not do the same to someone else.

Your perceptions are valid for YOU but others may not agree, and THATS OK! You can only speak for what is acceptable or unacceptable FOR YOU.

RiverWolf​(masochist female) • Jun 18, 2023

He literally said he had no training at all and he literally said that he can run an entire engineering department without any help at all. Not judging just seeing his exact words. Many Doms train simply by youtube and practice. Others do the official type which that I've never understood. Oh and also literally his in his own words he has no idea even what a check in is in this context. So no judgment just observations based on what he's said. Not like I asked him if he thought he's Jose Cansaco. Because they have the same point of view. Jose was proven wrong about his arrogance. Now that game was funny. Only baseball player in history to give up a home run with his head. Jose thought he could do better by himself in a profession trust requires more than 1 person. 1993 I think that game was. Damn A's sucked so did the Phillies but hey home team and such. So really don't see the judgment.

event horizon{NotLooking} • Jun 18, 2023

You really don't seem to know how to exist in this community without starting battles with someone. You can say you don't see the judgment all you want, but literally all you were doing is judging and intentionally misunderstanding him. You cherry-picked what you wanted to absorb from what he said and used it as fuel for you literally hurling insults at him. Maybe he's not arrogant at all, maybe he actually CAN run a whole department by himself, and maybe that's not for you to judge. He also never said he didn't know what a check-in was, just that he didn't know it by that name. So you assumed a WHOLE LOT about him, his intentions, and his abilities, based on very little.

Please, if you aren't ACTUALLY going to leave this site (despite your 2 or 3 blog posts & forum posts announcing your departure, and having a stranger tell a chat room full of other strangers FOR you that you're leaving), please, at LEAST stop vomiting your trauma at others. I'm sorry you're struggling, genuinely I am, but you've been nothing but a huge disruption since you got here. You literally threatened physical violence to another member here in your blog, you lie constantly, do whatever you can for attention, pick fights with people, and you're clogging up the works here. This isn't going well for you, nor is it going well for a lot of the people you interact with. You're making your problems our problems, and nobody appreciates that. You're causing harm. Just stop.

Re: Rules and Check Ins

event horizon{NotLooking} • Jun 18, 2023

Now then, back to the ACTUAL topic.

I don't really have an exact length of time for updates on the rules. I set rules that we discuss in the beginning, and I change them as needed over time. Sometimes that means making a new rule on the fly, but always always with some discussion about that thing. Sometimes I have to remind my sub of a rule, or perhaps expand on how it applies to a particular thing. If he's skirting the edge of a rule and it's bugging me, I will definitely bring it up and make sure he understands what I expect to happen.

RiverWolf​(masochist female) • Jun 18, 2023

How about you do exactly what you claimed and ignore me like I've been doing with you. Really not that fucking hard. Honestly if I damn fucking well want to stay I fucking will. Seems you assume people aren't allowed to change their fucking mind. I haven't said shit bank to you every fucking time you've come at me. Honestly too there's nothing in the fucking rules of this site that states that I can't fucking talk about my fucking life and again if you don't like it than fucking ignore it. Now I'm going to go back to ignoring you. I'm just done silently letting you try to make me feel like I'm wrong for being honest. Did you ever take a moment to think that maybe some people have an easier time talking with strangers? No I'm sure you only see it from your point and that's the only way but me saying my point here because again it isn't yours you think is wrong. Well fuck you. There I'm done. Sorry Parker but that has been building for a minute now. Which Is also why I started leaving chat when she comes in. Today was just the wrong day. So sorry Parker.