Would you stay or would you go

Redtailedkitty • Dec 4, 2018

As you know, I’m married to my Dom. This place was my first real sense of community. I’ve met my tribe here. He supported me and even joins me when he is able to.

I wouldn’t give up on my friends and family over a guy or girl. And if one asked me to, well then we aren’t very compatible. Same with the local communities we are getting more involved with.

Now if it gets to be more stressful then fun, I may step back or he may make me step back but he would never even think to ask me to give it up. Of my own choice I have disengaged myself from Cage and just focused on those I’ve met here that I’ve grown closest too. And that was due to me allowing it to take up too much of my time and energy. But even when I am more involved it doesn’t come before Him or family.

SweetSirRendering​(sub female) • Dec 4, 2018

If it was an online dating site or the site was used only for dating, I would of course shut it down.

If it was a community site with a "personals/ dating" section and it was initially used for finding a relationship, but it became a community i would only leave if it were at the specific request of my Dom or as my own decision if it would cause an impediment in the relationship.

If it was a community site with a "personals/ dating" section that was never used, but it became a community and from that community a relationship formed, i would only leave if it were at the specific request of my Dom or as my own decision if it would cause an impediment in the relationship.

If it was a community site joined for the forums, blogs, and community and not to find a partner as it was in my case regardless of the presence of a "personals" section , I would not leave unless for the same reasons mentioned in former cases. My Dom loves the community and friendships i have found here and it is encouraging us to visit our local groups at some point.

hi, community!

Meja • Dec 14, 2018

This made me think of a profile I've seen, where a Dom demands the future sub to not have any Internet connection, no contact to family or friends (which of course more than likely would have to be online) etc. How healthy is this? (and yes, it was on here)

HuntertheYeenQueen​(dom femme){Allie Kat} • Dec 14, 2018

Absolutely unhealthy. To deny contact with friends and family? That's abuse and absolutely not okay.

Meja • Dec 14, 2018

That's what the profile said.. Then what are you gonna do.. While they're gone.. Me I'm very intellectual and thirsty for knowledge and interacting.. One can never be source of all needs I don't believe it..
I was shocked tbh to see that profile, here

Meja • Dec 15, 2018

I'm very intellectual. I have a huge thirst for learning and connecting, and sharing. It's part of my personality. So I would lie if I said I'd thrive if I'd do that. I'd be extremely unhappy. And a unhappy sub makes a unhappy Dom. So, I guess, my answer would be no. I could limit. But not completely.

Meja • Dec 15, 2018

Oh I'm so sorry. I didn't realise I've answered.

Sweet and spice​(sub female) • Dec 19, 2018

I think it's a discussion every couple needs to have for themselves. Every relationship is different and has different requirements and expectations.

My apologies in advance Bunnie.....

Major Zach​(dom male) • Dec 19, 2018

Bunnie, you are probably going to hate me bigger than a house for what I'm about to write about and just how far off the road and posted topic I'll be taking my jeep under the cold the light of the moon tonight as I push the pedal to the floor and we go flying over the snowbank....and you better hang on tight because straight down the steepest ski slope we go!

You see Bunnie, for me, it's just been too damn long....and man, I mean seriously TOO DAMN LONG....since I've felt the exquisite - and for me - almost painful at times - one of a kind pleasure that can only come from feeling the love of an amazing slave who chose to wear your collar. The incredible part is despite what "normal society" might say or think about it, she loves every bit of you with all her heart just for being exactly who and what who you are - not in spite of it. And you feel a love for her that you return so deeply you know she means the world to you - and then some.

The online BDSM community of today is vastly different from what it was like in its infancy. The look and feel is different, the way people talk, act, what they say, don't say, and how one goes about the process of finding his - or her "other" whether sub, slave, switch, dominant, master, mistress, boy, girl, man or woman, straight or gay, or some combination of all of the above...is different.

There is a different level of cohesion, involvement, customs, and practices. I'm sure in large part because back then there wasn't much else competing for your time and choices were far fewer. So you tended to see groups that became friends and felt like family. We would have real life "get togethers" twice a year at a hotel in the U.S. or Canada.

We would meet in person and get to know the names and the faces and lives of people behind the screen names, avatars, and online personalities. In those days submissives where quite active in pursuing the One they wanted, and it was not only accepted but expected. We all knew why we were there....to find that unique someone who could give you the > one thing < you craved the most but were probably just not going to find at your local bar or church bean supper. Things back then were simpler and were also more overtly sexual. Not sexually graphic, obscene, in poor taste, or offensive, but definitely sexual and definitely >BDSM< sexual. There were real life collaring / wedding ceremonies people invited you to, and for those looking for online only, there were some very beautiful collaring ceremonies that were big events.

In those days, when couples who met through the site and were regulars at a particular chatroom with its particular style and rules of order and level of sexual displays, etc. they almost > always < remained in the room as members of the site after they became a couple. Their names would get passed around in all the other rooms and they would be congratulated, admired, even envied.

But one of the biggest things that came from their staying on was the fact by doing this they brought HOPE in with them. People realized if it eventually happened for those two, it could eventually happen for them as well. This created its own kind of energy and added a dynamic to the site and the rooms where this happened that was uplifting. It made people happy to see them so happy - and it helped break the ice and help to include the newly arrived members.

People were still Safe, Sane, and Consensual, but in rooms with couples who found each other there they became a little less guarded, a little less risk adverse, a little less worried of what people might think of them, and they became a little less self-conscious or shy. In those days, people finding one another was the rule, not the exception. To this day I still know couples who met there and have been together in real life for 20+ years.

So will I/we stay on if we are lucky enough to meet here and even luckier still to become a real-time couple? I would really like to think so. But as I have said, things these days have definitely changed, so that will be a joint decision from a discussion that will occur when and or if I am ever again so fortunate.

In closing I'd like to share with you a simple little dream of mine - just a small thing really, but something that for all these long years has helped keep the spark of hope alive in me dreaming for what someday may yet still be restored to me. Simple and small as it is, it has always brought me a measure of joy to dwell on, and now that I am once again actively looking for her, it is one I've been thinking of often:

It's close to 3 AM and I'm still awake, just watching her sleep. I'm always finding a yet another new reason to be amazed, aroused, and start feeling the need take her hard, right there, right now - to dominate her utterly in one moment. And then in the very next I feel truly humbled when I think about how out of all the choices she could have easily made, she CHOSE ME - she PICKED ME - to submit to, she decided it was MY collar that was the one she wanted around her softly delicate neck and wear with pride.

It's now a half an hour later but I'm still very much awake, deeply breathing in her heady and totally unique scent - one that is all her own - then exhaling slowly. I'm totally unaware that I've been breathing in sync with her now for hours as I've laid there right next to her, naked, skin to skin, simply watching her as she sleeps and dreams the night away.

She has the most beautifully peaceful expression on her face - a face of a woman in sleep with a look of such grace and serenity that she must feel completely, totally, and utterly safe. Somehow in that next matching breath I realize that somewhere down in some part of her unconscious mind she can sense that I lying right next to her wide awake - watching over her, protecting her, guarding her, while she lays there dreaming happily next to me.

Its now after 4am and I smile because I simply can't stop myself from smiling but I can't quite put my finger on why. Then something hits me like a bolt of lightning - a pure flash of instant epiphany - and suddenly I am seeing all the long years of our future life together unfolding one by one as they each fly by in my mind's eye during one long instant.

And as the vision ends comes a sudden flash of recognition - of somehow > knowing - that I know < that in each and every single moment that will one day become the sum total of all of the years of our lives together and are yet to be - I will be doing at that moment what I'm doing right now - in this moment - and I'll doing it just exactly the same way as I am right now, right here.

Then I understand without a single doubt in my mind whatsoever that everything I am feeling for her at this one lasting and single unifying moment will always and forever be - and then I suddenly recall what it was I was thinking about that made me smile for so long as I watched her sleeping so gently:

I would be happy just to hold these hands I love - upon this winter's night with me.

Fudbar​(dom male){❤️❤️❤️} • Dec 19, 2018

Hrm.. 20+ years ago with avatars, chat rooms etc? Must of missed it. Usenet was around, but not much else.

Also, strange description of Old Guard. Very strange.

Folks haven't changed that much over time. New is new, Old is old, real is real, fake is fake.

Open and honest still wins out over fantasy.