tallslenderguy(other male)
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4 years ago •
May 11, 2020
Sir'sGoodGirl wrote: Exactly Bunnie my past experiences have never resulted in anything good. I think it’s happened once again. I haven’t heard from him since he said he would read it. His responses are getting pretty much non existent. I possibly have to realise and come to terms that I have lost him. Yes it hurts. The realisation of losing this perfect dynamic hurts!
I have decided to back off and leave him be. I’ve tried communicating. There is nothing more I can do. I don’t understand how I have offended him so much. i have to try and be strong.....it’s not working very well I will admit. Suppose it was just another fantasy which will never become a reality. Story of my life....never mind! Ah damn, i'm sorry. i'm going to maybe state the obvious, i do not think you have lost a "perfect dynamic." Who discards something perfect? If this is the "story of [your] life," it may be time to do it differently? Which is not to suggest that we have complete control, In any relationship with another, we are only half the equation. It's likely in most relationships that both do 'right' and 'wrong' things, but the only person we can change is ourself and/or our approach. The only person who can give you feedback about what worked and what didn't work, is the person their self. And that isn't always going to be accurate, just that persons perceptions. Relationship is fucking hard, eh? i met this guy online once. He wrote long, detailed, beautiful letters (a rare thing i've experienced with guys). His pictures were drop dead gorgeous, i could've died in his eyes. When i drove the 150 miles to meet him, the guy who answered the door was different from the one in the pictures... by about 50 pounds and 10 years, it was blatant. Don't get me wrong, i'm as visual as the next guy, but it was the lie that was blatant and my heart just sank (i brought him a box of Godiva chocolates lol). i spent an awkward, but polite evening with him and drove home the next day. He sent me a follow up email asking for honest feed back, and i gave it to him as graciously as i could. He wrote back hurling every insult he could at me, really tearing me a new one. All i actually ventured to mix in with the positive stuff was that his pictures did not look like his current self and i felt deceived. Of course, he already knew this and was in denial and he shot the messenger... a couple of times with a canon. Did i say he could write? Funny thing though, about a year later he wrote me again and apologized and thanked me for my honesty. Told me he had gone to the gym, etc.. Not sure he ever really understood that it was the deception that caused the issue. Getting honest feedback can be hard, on both ends, but maybe if your Guy felt safe, He would tell you why? Or maybe He's just an asshole, idk. But if He is, and this is a pattern, are you connecting with assholes (not in a good way) and need to change something to help avoid doing that in the future? The challenge is to find the reason/s why this is "the story of [your] life." |
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Online now
skyrich(dom male){rottenbrat}
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4 years ago •
May 11, 2020
@Sir'sGoodGirl
You are intelligent, caring and loving. As a mother, you have brought new life into the world, and cared for and nurtured that life. You deserve love in return and a faithful partner with whom you can share your lives together. Never forget that you are loved in return. https://thecage.co/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=2617 |
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Sir'sGoodGirl(sub female){Not Lookin}
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4 years ago •
May 14, 2020
Thanks to all that have replied. I still haven’t had an explanation from him. Not heard from him at all. I have also been ghosted again since by someone else. But this time it didn’t bother me so much. Kind of expected it.
Again with no explanation, all I want is honesty from people no matter how much it might hurt me but I will get over it. I’m already over them both. I’ve moved on I will no longer be made to feel like I’m not good enough. No I’m not perfect but I am me and I am great as I am, I deserve not to be treated this way. They clearly are the problem not me! |
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LaVieEnRose(sub female){Kintsugi}
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4 years ago •
May 14, 2020
I just wrote a blog about that! Normally the ghosting used to make me feel like I failed as a sub and I was doing something wrong. But then I realised it was them not me, if they can’t be grown up enough to say I don’t think this is going to work Then I can’t help them. Unfortunately it happens a lot more often than the good but you’ve got us all here for support!
Xx🥀 |
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IODiCeShOt
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4 years ago •
May 14, 2020
Some really sound advice given already.
Everyone has insecurities, if you say otherwise you’re either lying or kidding yourself....but (and this is really important), if it becomes a constant and is never pacified it starts to grind. It’s easy to have fun and keep your mind closed, it’s not easy to lay yourself bare and put your trust in someone I get that...but it’s been a year! I could be wrong but I doubt he would hang around that long if he doesn’t think a lot of you, bearing in mind you’ve not met. Sometimes the worry of losing someone creates a barrier and forces exactly what you fear most. In my experience if you don’t both lay it all out there with your partner (not immediately of course) it just festers. If you really think this could be right, it would be a real shame if you didn't give him and it every chance. |
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Sir'sGoodGirl(sub female){Not Lookin}
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4 years ago •
Jun 12, 2020
Well what can I say. He never ever replied, I haven’t spoke to him since so can clearly say it’s done and I’ve now moved on. I’ve washed my hands let’s say. I feel nothing towards him anymore.
His loss not mine x |
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LaVieEnRose(sub female){Kintsugi}
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4 years ago •
Jun 12, 2020
That’s the best way to approach it! Move along and don’t look back!
Xx🥀 |
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K y i v
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4 years ago •
Jun 12, 2020
The red flag in the room is.. ask his wife...
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Sir'sGoodGirl(sub female){Not Lookin}
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4 years ago •
Jun 12, 2020
Haha yeah I’ve considered that 😂
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curious butterfly(masochist female)
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4 years ago •
Jun 12, 2020
I'm sorry you are experiencing this. Its gut wrenching. I have been there, I think most of us have.
Its definitely worth talking to him. You could try a few approaches.... 1. You can tell yourself to accept the timespans, and try to be supportive for a while. Message occasionally, enquire about his day and remind him passively you supprt him too. And reevaluate after a week. 2. You can take the option to give the benefit of the doubt, he is busy, maybe has other life things going on, and this is how he processes. So for now (just imminently), appreciate the time you do ge, but spend more time studying him. Get to know more of who he is out of work. How he responds to things in a natural environment. 3. Do let yourself feel like you did something wrong. Thats his job to tell you. 4. Send him a letter, like this, and explain whats in your brain. Give him a few days to think and respond. 5. Tell him succinctly, but confidentyl you noticed a change in the dynamic, and you would love a chance to discuss it with him 6. Never assume or expect. 7. Listen to your gut. (Imma gut perspn). Don't confise it with your heart. If it feels off, act. If it feels OK, act. Trust in who you are. There are other options. But the best thing about genuine BDSM relationships is that need for open honest lines of communication. Online is hard. Long distance is hard. In the start of any dynamic, before trust even begins, one of the two has to take that first leap of faith. To say, "imma give you blind trust for now, but its for you to prove me to you deserved it, and to make it grow". And, here, you are giving this to him. Thats brave and admirable. So hold your head up. |
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