New Year's countdown of Dom red flags

12. An inability to admit they don't know ALL of the things. No one knows ALL of the things. One can know a great deal, but I find those that claim to know All of the things are intolerant, impatient and flat out jerks.

Now that is certainly a Good one!

11. The D type wanting to know everything about the s type, but not letting the s type know anything about them in return.

I had been talking to a Dom at one point who would avoid all questions about himself and asked me some of the same questions multiple times. It really annoyed me that he did that…..

10. The dom is unable to explain or states they have never had a *hard scene*. Its important to me that they understand (whether through experience or learning) what is a hard scene to them or for subs he has had the honor of being served by. Along with this they are unable to explain or recall details or examples about mistakes they have made in the past while learning to hone being a dom.

09. Taking an additude of "ownership" of BDSM simply because of how many years they have lived the lifestyle.

8. Avoid - like the *plague* - any "dominant" who's always on the defensive and hyper-vigilant. These are the people who are prickly and defensive and consistently convinced their authority is being challenged by someone or something - the overly sensitive types who secretly believe women (or men) on the other side of the slash are beneath them and behave in a condescending manner toward them. A truly confident individual with an innate command of himself and others will carry their dominance easily on their shoulders and without in your face fanfare.

(In other words - a lion has no need to remind you it's a lion)

7. For me? Fear of expressing need and substituting force to compensate for that fear. Nothing opens me faster than a Man who can honestly and openly express His need, especially when mixed with desire. And nothing shuts me out and down faster than desire expressed through force. To me, that is an attempt to compensate for fear. i understand expressing need can be counter intuitive for a Dom, "need' often is perceived as weak and un-dom. But need and needy are very different.

6.
Taking a page out of Morley's book, and based on my own personal experiences: IF He/She demands pics/other personal info before they are willing to share the same, AND their Real Name, Location, etc, they are NOT *The One*.
OR if they are unwilling to share that info in a reasonable time period.

The One will trust you as much as you trust them and will be willing to share as much as they ask of you.

It's almost laughable that some dominant types equate NOT communicating their own needs make them somehow MORE dominant. I agree with you that a partner who is not ashamed to voice their own needs and vulnerabilities is the most appealing. Without human kindness and genuine give and take, we'd be nothing more than robots at the beck and call of some "god" that some of them perceive themselves to be.

5. Alarm bells should ring LOUDLY if any "dominant" asks you to delete any social media accounts (or demand your passwords to them). Ditto if they demand any further communications with the outside world on your behalf should be monitored by THEM. Your mileage may vary on that one, but for *me* that's a sign of a social isolator who's so insecure of competition that they need to remove any existing friendships and prevent any future ones. Just my opinion - but tread carefully.

Yes, what you said is sometimes true.
But I'm afraid I'm going to have to differ with you a bit.
Evidence to the contrary I am a very private person, and as proud as I may be about my relationship it is still the business of myself and my partner, and no one else.
Having a name in my brackets, or those of my sub, is fun but hopefully it does not represent the height of our relationship.
If it is important to my sub then I have absolutely zero problem sharing our relationship with everyone here via adding each other's names to our profiles, or brackets, or whatever.
But it is still a private matter and should not be seen as compulsory, nor is the absence of it necessarily suspicious.
If the Dom says he wants to be exclusive - brackets/collar or not - but continues to search for or play with other subs, then that is a different problem all together.