What it's like for Dommes

You may have a point there, and that could apply to a lot of the men who have been contacting us. I guess my thinking was that some would be that way, but many do have submissive desires and just don't know how to execute them without being gross. I say that though because a lot of the fantasies they have thrown at me do center around submission in some form, it's just an interpretation of it based on their own existing fantasy, but that fantasy leaves out consideration for the Dominant they're throwing it at lol. Thinking back though, there may have been more men than I considered at the time who were doing as you said and using "submission" as a smokescreen.

I think you might be mistaking real and deferentially submissive men with men who're acting out and role-playing at it just for a bedroom thrill. A good number of them present as "push my kink button until I cum" kinkster types rather than being men who are truly looking to serve and defer to a woman.

But again, I can only speak for what I actually have first hand knowledge of and as a rather jaded observer on a bevy of kink sites over the years. I'd have thrown in my "domme" towel years ago (if I ever hand one to begin with) if I had to endure what you've described. I'm sorry you're dealing with that kind of frustration.

That is also a good point. I suppose I think of that as being more of a spectrum, from their submission being only sexual, to it being 100% about service. Now I'm wondering how we view the validity of submission if it is only sexual lol. But I take your point, still. I guess many of the guys whose submission is only sexual are not considering that other people use submission and Domination in fuller ways.

Yeah lol I think many women do give up. I have been known to give up on occasion. But then I experience something or remember something with someone who was an actual decent submissive (at least in some way or another, lol), and I try again. A bit masochistic for a Domme, I know.

I do have a tendency to discount the idea of "just in the bedroom" as being remotely related to submission. That's a bad habit that I try to be cognizant of and attempt to curtail but I frequently slip up. ?

I identify as a masochistic pain slut rather than a submissive because it's a rare man that can trigger my hunger to be "owned/dominated". For me, sexual submission and submitting my mind and my will to a man go hand and hand. I don't do one without the other - and as such can forget other people *can* do one or the other without desiring to go whole hog.

honestly .. I like that version better!

I am new to this lifestyle, so please excuse me.
I am so very sorry that You Female Dommes have had to experience this type of total disrespect. It seems that "STUPID" exists everywhere. When my submissive side took over and it was very late in life, I started to read up on it. From what I read here so far, they don't have a clue and they just want a "piece of meat", typical high school locker room mentality (ego). A submissive gives up their right to do, to think and to act the way they want. They are giving up their life to their Female Dommes. End of story.

This is not a sexual experience. It is a lifestyle and to be taken seriously.

Before I entered this lifestyle I defended women who were getting harassed. As a subbie, I must get permission.

If anyone here is offended by my post, you have my sincerest apology and if need be, I will remove it. I don't know, as a subbie,. if I could even post something like this. I'll find out soon I guess.

May I reply, being a married man and a submissive. I don’t know about anybody else but myself and who knows why I feel this way but I like dominant women I suppose it was being the only male in the family and having to be the man! Maybe the feeling of serving and pleasing is all we have!! I think we’re all searching for some fulfillment in our lives!! I’m sure I wouldn’t want to be an actual female domme with all the sick twisted people in the world!! Anyway I wish you ladies the best!!

i think this is a great topic of discussion... and complex.

my perspective is as a gay guy. i identify as "total bottom with some sub." i came aware of my sub side while i was married to a woman. Turned out we were both bottom with some sub, bad chemistry lol. That's another story, but it did give me perspective born of experience. i often leave the "some sub" part out of my profiles or explanation of my identity till i get to know someone. Why? Because of all the presumption that tends to go along with identifier Dom/sub.

If one identifies as one or the other and is on a site dedicated to the topic, putting oneself out there can get a tidal wave of want/need response.

Books could be written about the why's, but to me it comes down to maturity, or the lack thereof. As i see it, a hallmark of maturity is the desire and ability to consider another. i see immaturity and self centeredness/self absorption as synonymous. E.g., leading with a dick pick or list of sexual fantasies is presumption based on self centeredness, which is immature.

To me, a mark of maturity is someone who leads with questions formulated to get understanding, knowledge. If they actually read something in my profile and formulate a question based on that, it shows interest in both sides, not just their self, which shows some understanding that relationship involves two parities, not just self lol. Basic stuff.

As a Domme I have experienced all of the things mentioned. What we are looking for is a mature male who knows himself and is seeking something more than sex with kink.
I'm going to add to your list here with my experience with males who've seen professional Dommes - both times my interactions upon meeting these men was disappointing because they had paid literally thousands of dollars for their previous encounters and they expected to get something close to that with me without investing any time in finding out what I was looking for. They started off well enough for me to meet them for coffee and washed out of ever having a second coffee with me in the first 10 minutes. They said they wanted a relationship, they said all kinds of things that sounded right in emails and phone calls. As soon as we were sitting together it was all about what they wanted. Nothing else. I covered my eyes and asked one of them what color my eyes were - he got it wrong. In person. Sitting across a small table from me.

I had an ideal relationship with my late husband. At this point I'm counting my lucky stars I had that at all and I'm not even a tiny bit hopeful of finding a playmate in this arena. If it happens, great. If it doesn't, my expectations will have been met.