Solace(dom male)
|
1 year ago •
Apr 25, 2023
Haha, cute.
Nice last post. Thanks for the laugh. |
|
|
Online now
tallslenderguy(other male)
|
1 year ago •
Apr 25, 2023
Re: Advice on being turned down by a Dominant. KinkyKey wrote: I have been talking to a Dominant for the last eight months. This talking being calling every single night and talking for hours. He's an amazing guy, super sweet, so responsible, and a billion of other things that I adore about him. He is everything I could ever wish for in a Dominant... This is the part that I need advice on. I very much adore him. He's the closest friend I've ever had, and he's been there for me through A LOT in the past eight months. I don't want to stop talking to him because I do adore him, but I also can not go another eight months of speaking to him, developing feelings for him, and pining for him and find out again that he's not able to give me more. It hurts to know that I have everything I want at my fingertips and but I CAN'T have it. I am only 23. I want to experience things. I've never really been in a relationship of any kind and I've only had sex with one person. I want to do things, be with people, experience life stuff. The problem is do I want to give up on him to experience these things. And the thing is, is that he doesn't want to hold me back, so if I were to tell him that I was thinking about this he would push for me to go experience things. HIs number one thing he cares about is my happiness and wellbeing. . my read is you have already come to some insightful and salient conclusions on your own, which i think is ultimately what any mature adult needs to do when it comes to life decisions. i think it also speaks to a level of maturity that you make your self vulnerable with this community as part of the process of achieving further insight. i think it's speculative, at best, to label him as married, cheater, etc.. These things may or may not be true, but i'd vote for taking him at face value. From what you have shared, he has told you: "he told me that he did want to, but that he couldn't do it. That he has a lot going on...." If you want to know, i think this would be the place to focus and maybe ask him questions like: "What is the "a lot going on" that prevents you from doing what you "want to" with me?" If he can quantify "a lot," is it possible he can also deduce when "a lot" won't be going on and he can do he "want[s] to." To me, even if he can quantify " a lot," it seems he considers "a lot" to be more important than taking relationship to a different level with you? He has also stated "...a goal to meet in person." If that is his goal, maybe ask what his time line and criteria were for meeting that goal? You assert: "He is everything I could ever wish for in a Domiant." With the big exception: he is not available as you need/want at this point in your life. From what you have shared, it doesn't seem viable to maintain the status quo. It seems to me, it's over, but also sounds like you learned a ton about what you do and do not want in a relationship? Also, maybe set goals of when to meet face to face as part of determining viability of future relationships? Also, i'd watch "The Great British Baking Show," it always makes me feel better <3 |
|
|
darlingdiana(sub female)
|
1 year ago •
Apr 25, 2023
Hi Tall Slender! where you been!?!? wb and great to see you! : )
|
|
|
|
Solace(dom male)
|
1 year ago •
Apr 25, 2023
I would agree with tallslenderguy. I wrote your man in question off, which is assumption and rude if me. I was wrong in this regard.
If you have something together you should ask focused questions about your future with him before evaluating if you need to break things off. I just don't to hear another story about a girl being strung along and letting herself be strung along ( two different wrongs) for something that may never happen. I believe you need to have a hard think about what you want and when you want it by. |
|
|
|
tallslenderguy(other male)
|
1 year ago •
Apr 25, 2023
darlingdiana wrote: Hi Tall Slender! where you been!?!? wb and great to see you! : )
Hi darlingdiana! And thank you for the sweet "wb," it feels good to be welcome. Been spending time in the gay community, working (and recovering from work lol). Eventually i wander back to The Cage, some wonderful and thoughtful people and conversations here. |
|
|
KinkyKey(switch female)
|
1 year ago •
Apr 25, 2023
I know it isn't an option now, but at the time it had all just happened and I was blinded by the grief and the realization that I liked this man a lot more than he liked me.
To be frank, age is not something I care about. I'm not in a race to find a partner. If it takes me 40 years to find a partner that is fine with me as it is not my life goal to be with someone. My comfortability is my main priority while I am learning how best to navigate all of this. So if it takes me a month, eight months, or two years I will do what I need to do to make sure that I am comfortable. Do I want a partner/Dominant? Of course I do. However, I am not needing to do it immediately. Additionally, if I am speaking to a man and one of the only reasons for being interested is my age, I am out. Everybody can have their own preferences, but wanting someone who is between the ages of 18-30 as someone who is older seems predatory to me. A 40, 50, 60+ year old only considering woman around these ages is highly problematic in my eyes. To me it comes across as wanting a young piece of meat and not actually caring about the person themselves. I don't know if it's the way I worded my post, but it seemed to have come off wrong for a few different reasons. He lives in a different state then I do so I was taking precautions to meeting him the first few months. I had brought up wanting to meet in person quite a few times in the last five months or so, but for some reason or another the conversation never came to fruition. I got much too enveloped in enjoying my time with him that I lost sight of keeping my goals, wants, and needs at heart. I just knew that I enjoyed his presence and that whatever was going to happen, would happen. Is 8 months a long time to get to know someone and never meet them, yes. However, being inexperienced in relationships in general while also being inexperienced in this world I was being cautious. I didn't know what to do or what to expect. I have been told by multiple people, multiple times not to rush things and to do it in my own time. That's what I was doing. To explain, I had , I guess, assumed that he might broach some conversation being the experienced one about meeting in a general sense, what to expect. A safe way to do things, coach me through it. We had had many conversations talking about things like this so it was just something I thought he would bring up to me after I had mentioned to him nine ways to sunday that I wanted to see him in person. I guess that is my fault for not taking initiative and having that conversation sooner. I knew that I wanted to be in a relationship for some time, but got tired of asking for it and told him I wanted it. I would consider going to my parents, but they are not a viable option for me. That is why I am here, asking. I did also talk to my friends about it and they helped me to realize that he obviously either a, hasn't had the intentions he said he had and just liked the attention, b, he didn't like me as much as I like him, or c, he is possible married. They know a lot more about the situation and the goings on. I asked him three thousand and a half questions after he told me no, and the last question I asked is if he was married. I went to sleep not long after as it was late, and he tried calling me three times. In the morning I asked if we could speak over message so that I could keep a clear head because I have a hard time processing and communicating at times, and I have not heard from him since. That is to say, I'm considering whatever I had with him to be done. I would also like to add on that I do feel that you are putting a lot of pressure on to woman to settle down at a very early age. It's definitely a very archaic way of thinking. I also do not believe Hekate was being as disrespectful as you were making it out to be, and I do not believe you were being very mature. I'm also not delighted in the fact that my forum asking for advice turned into people telling eachother to put their dicks in their pants considering this was supposed to be an innocent post asking for advice. I wish I would have caught this sooner, but it has already ended. I would advise that instead of turning to insults and derogatory language when in your conversations/debates that you keep it calm and mature. There was no reason for it to come to this, and I'm not impressed in how quickly you became disrespectful when your ideologies were challenged. Solace wrote: Move on. Start talking to other people. I understand you feel he is everything you feel you want, however, you have been rejected. I understand you feel there is still a slightly open door called the future. It is not actually there. You have no idea how long this phase of his life will be. You have no idea if he doesn't want any sort of relationship with you and is seeking a soft way to not damage your confidence.
Move on. When your young opportunities can feel like you can't miss this shot, but that isn't true. There are other people to devote yourself to, who are ready to devote themselves to you. I know you don't want to stop talking to this person, but you should start to limit your contact with hm. You will hold yourself back, hoping this person will accept you. You will unfairly compare others to a glorified version of him even if you don't admit it. 23 is young, but it isn't that young. The majority of men in survey's state that they want a young and pure partner which often means under 30 or less. Lets assume you want to be married. You have no relationship experience, meaning you lack the advantage of knowing what you need to hold onto and how to hold onto one. You have spent 8 months, almost a year before considering entering into one. You will likely need couple months or more before you can seriously consider another man. The argument I'm making here is from what you've told us you likely have several relationships to go before you find someone you can marry and at your pace you're going to be pushing your luck on the age thirty metric. Does it mean dating is over for you at thirty? No, but there is statistical evidence that a ladies prospects sharply decline at 30 and every person should play their cards where they have the best chance of succeeding. As a young, relatively pure girl you have a lot of advantages right now in the dating scene and you should put yourself out there quite a bit. Something you should do, but isn't done often anymore is talk to your parents about how to find a good partner. I don't know your parents current marital status but if they're still together its a strong indicator that they either have some inkling on how to pick a partner or they know how to make it work and can provide good insight to you. Most ladies when they do this tend to speak to their mother, which is good for learning how to keep a relationship but to get one you really need to talk to your father. As a man your father can speak to you about what men want in a girl while cautioning you about the men to avoid. If your parents are not married only speak to to your father about what men want and find another couple you can trust like grandparents or any of your friends parents you get along well with. Ask them to give it to you straight and honest and these people will have a vested interest in seeing you along a straight path. Good luck, you have everything you need to succeed if you work for it now. |
|
|
|
darlingdiana(sub female)
|
1 year ago •
Apr 25, 2023
tallslenderguy wrote: darlingdiana wrote: Hi Tall Slender! where you been!?!? wb and great to see you! : )
Hi darlingdiana! And thank you for the sweet "wb," it feels good to be welcome. Been spending time in the gay community, working (and recovering from work lol). Eventually i wander back to The Cage, some wonderful and thoughtful people and conversations here. You are like a calm breeze...we were really needing you at that moment.  i wouldn't have known how much i missed you if you didn't go away lol i miss the gay community (Church and Wellesley) in Toronto that i frequented often with my beautiful trans bestie -Amber.
She found an old fashioned guy and moved to Edmonton on me. The community has the best little places for cocktails WORTH 16$ a martini! <3 Pride parade and performances were /are totally over the top and AMAZING. Some wonderful news here in the Cage, is a couple met and are married in Vegas recently! (check blogs) lovely couple and look so happy! She will be posting a wedding pic soon, some proof the best can happen! i am selfishy happy no Man has stollen you from us yet
diana |
|
|
|
darlingdiana(sub female)
|
1 year ago •
Apr 25, 2023
RIGHT ON kinkykey! whoooopty WOOOP!
You call out those predators! (older menfolk looking specifically for younger and or untrained girls!) You have things all under control, and have grown from this last experience. Yay. ps- Don't feel bad about 8 mons. I lasted 5 and half years. Funny when the full out marriage questions start firing...they fly off and seem to disappear. i was almost considering He was superman or something, had to disappear and save people falling off Niagara Falls and save the world, because when i wanted to talk he was always gone or had some travelling to do. But no, it turned out- another of these "Wizards of Oz", hiding behind the curtain with the megaphone... Wishing You much in the future, keep us updated! warmly, diana |
|
|
duchessbutterfly(sub female){NotLooking}
|
1 year ago •
Apr 25, 2023
Re: Advice on being turned down by a Dominant. tallslenderguy wrote: Also, i'd watch "The Great British Baking Show," it always makes me feel better <3 I was going to suggest you watch a movie to take your mind off of things. "He's just not that into you!" Is a great one to watch at such a time. Hugs to you! I hope you find the dynamic you're looking for. |
|
|
I'mME
|
1 year ago •
Apr 26, 2023
Solace wrote: Move on. Start talking to other people. I understand you feel he is everything you feel you want, however, you have been rejected. I understand you feel there is still a slightly open door called the future. It is not actually there. You have no idea how long this phase of his life will be. You have no idea if he doesn't want any sort of relationship with you and is seeking a soft way to not damage your confidence.
Move on. When your young opportunities can feel like you can't miss this shot, but that isn't true. There are other people to devote yourself to, who are ready to devote themselves to you. I know you don't want to stop talking to this person, but you should start to limit your contact with hm. You will hold yourself back, hoping this person will accept you. You will unfairly compare others to a glorified version of him even if you don't admit it. 23 is young, but it isn't that young. The majority of men in survey's state that they want a young and pure partner which often means under 30 or less. Lets assume you want to be married. You have no relationship experience, meaning you lack the advantage of knowing what you need to hold onto and how to hold onto one. You have spent 8 months, almost a year before considering entering into one. You will likely need couple months or more before you can seriously consider another man. The argument I'm making here is from what you've told us you likely have several relationships to go before you find someone you can marry and at your pace you're going to be pushing your luck on the age thirty metric. Does it mean dating is over for you at thirty? No, but there is statistical evidence that a ladies prospects sharply decline at 30 and every person should play their cards where they have the best chance of succeeding. As a young, relatively pure girl you have a lot of advantages right now in the dating scene and you should put yourself out there quite a bit. Something you should do, but isn't done often anymore is talk to your parents about how to find a good partner. I don't know your parents current marital status but if they're still together its a strong indicator that they either have some inkling on how to pick a partner or they know how to make it work and can provide good insight to you. Most ladies when they do this tend to speak to their mother, which is good for learning how to keep a relationship but to get one you really need to talk to your father. As a man your father can speak to you about what men want in a girl while cautioning you about the men to avoid. If your parents are not married only speak to to your father about what men want and find another couple you can trust like grandparents or any of your friends parents you get along well with. Ask them to give it to you straight and honest and these people will have a vested interest in seeing you along a straight path. Good luck, you have everything you need to succeed if you work for it now. Solace, Your views on women, when they start declining in value , purity, frankly are slightly misogynistic at the very least and other end of the spectrum, I don't even have , a word. The beginning of your comment i thought was spot on. Op should not wait on this fellow, and not be comparing others to him. But from there on, just NO. You are assuming that this person has a father figure, (no I have not read any further than this) or one that they would ask advice from about what a good man looks like. It's like you forgor that this is a BDSM space. Should she viteer up that she is looking for a man to beat on sometimes, one who may lead her around on a leash and collar? The purity comments , shaking my damn head. |
|
|