Would you stay or would you go

Bunnie • Dec 19, 2018

@ Master Zach, believe it or not... it was actually like that here once too. There were some very beautiful collaring ceremonies involving the whole community. Couples would stay... exactly as you describe... it uplifted everyone and gave hope. It created such a beautiful atmosphere. Everyone was full of encouragement and congratulations when people coupled up. It was really lovely.
Those days are long gone here... but I’m learning to not dwell on the past... things change... the newbies have their own ways of doing things. The dinosaurs of this place are either extinct or no longer necessary. No one wants to hear of how it was... they just want to find their piece of the pie.
Your writing is very descriptive it sounds lovely... I hope you find what you’re looking for.

Fate • Dec 19, 2018

The friends I’ve made here mean so much to me. So I stay for that reason.

I sure hope that you don’t go anywhere Bunnie. You are such a huge asset to this community. I personally would be devastated if you weren’t here. I realize of course that your question may be hypothetical. But if you ever do think of leaving, please give me alternate contact information because I would dearly love to stay in touch. I would be really really sad to lose contact with you.

Fate • Dec 19, 2018

Oh my goodness that sounds amazing. We just need to make a concentrated effort to bring that back and restore that aspect of the community and try to get those who had that kind of lovely influence back.

curiouskittyy​(sub female){GentlemanX} • Dec 19, 2018

I may have only been around for approximately 5 months but I’m slightly confused. I mean, I’ve heard of collaring ceremonies but I was under the impression that those occurred when a couple seriously committ to one another - similar to a marriage in the vanilla world. I think the issue is that everyone on here seems to have a different interpretation of what ‘collaring’ means - as evident in a forum posted not so long ago. I’ve only ever seen congratulations and well wishes when someone does become collared on here. However, I think many new subs rush into dynamics and collaring with Dom/mes now because they don’t know any better, get excited and are trying to find their feet. Those who genuinely aren’t serious tend to be ‘uncollared’ again a week later. I’m curious about how it was (as you describe) but I don’t think you can say that the old ‘dinosaurs’ of this place stayed because if that were the case then where are they? Maybe those who were around then should share this information more so the newbies have a chance to follow in these footsteps. They won’t be able to do that if they don’t know about it

Kara​(sub female){Dark Roast} • Dec 19, 2018

I think many things are being discounted here. There’s only so many resources that a person has. Time is a major issue. I went from a long distance relationship to a 24/7 one and find that my time has suddenly disappeared or is spent differently.

Breakfast has ceased to be a grab whatever and text greetings while in chat. Instead, I make a healthy, elaborate breakfast for two and have face to face conversation. My workload in terms of cooking, cleaning, and laundry has doubled because I am doing it for two people.

My time is scattered. I rarely have an hour to sit down and devote even distracted attention to Cage goings on. I could be asked to do something or be needed to relieve stress. When I do have free time, I want to spend it watching movies on the couch while snuggling or going out to run errands.

Another thing is that the nature of the discussions tends to flow one way. Certain things like poly or online/ LDRs relationships are going to predominate just because of the way things are and that’s okay. It’s great to have sounding blocks and places to get with people who do the same things. However, people in monogamous 24/7 relationships aren’t going to feel like they have much to contribute to discussion and drift off to other places, especially because things can pass for vanilla with a few details left out.

This post is kinda scattered because I am taking time while Master is going out for a business meeting in between laundry and napping.

Bunnie • Dec 19, 2018

@ ck, yes... collaring was once taken very seriously here... and ceremonies took place. With actual exchanges of vows. You’re absolutely right in your observation of what it has now come to mean. Now I see people being “gently” berated for not having their partners’ name in their tag as a collar just so everyone can know who they’re coupled with. As I said, times change. It can’t go back. Any time anyone tried to pass things along it was called “one truewayism” lol. It’s evolution baby! There are a few dinosaurs of this place hiding around. I’m not going to name them because if they wanted to be known they would be. Some gave up, some still believe in trying to help and pass things along as best they can... you’ll notice them if you look hard enough. And as I said... most are gone. It is what it is

curiouskittyy​(sub female){GentlemanX} • Dec 19, 2018

@ bunnie, I’ve spoken to and am friends with many of the old dinosaurs you describe. Perhaps this is why when I joined I never rushed into any foolish dynamic that I would regret a few days later. Like i said, I think the whole ‘collaring’ concept is subjective and down to each dynamic to determine its meaning to them. Do collaring ceremonies sound fun? Sure. But aslong as everyone is happy that’s all that matters to me. I don’t think the old ways are necessarily the better way. The old ways clearly had their own difficulties or those people would still be around. Is it evolution or diversity? The site is becoming bigger and more wide spread. Concepts that were once considered abnormal are now more common and thus more normal .. and so fourth. I also think there is a huge difference between sharing your thoughts in say a blog or forum about the beauty of how you see things, and telling everyone that their way is not the ‘right’ way. But it’s an interesting thought.

Edit - oh, also what I meant by collaring being as serious as marriage is that it takes time. I mean years time so therefore the newbies haven’t even had a chance to reach this level of commitment.

Bunnie • Dec 19, 2018

@ ck, hence the point of what I said. My original reference was to Master Zach in reference to what he was saying. That was all. My next reply was simply to answer your questions. I don’t feel that in any way was I saying that it was a “better way of doing things”... merely describing how it was. I was saying that it can’t go back to that... and this exchange is a perfect example of why. I’m curious as to why you were “wondering” where the dinosaurs were previously... and now you’ve spoken to and are friends with most of them? Interesting. I’m wondering if perhaps we’re working on the same timeline as to who we consider to be “dinosaurs”... I’m thinking perhaps not. Anyway, this is irrelevant, and off topic. Thank you for your input.

Fudbar​(dom male){❤️❤️❤️} • Dec 19, 2018

I saw the tail end of that 'wonderful time'. I'll be blunt. It was folks role playing in a chat lobby. Once again, the proof is in the pudding. Did those folks stick around? Did those internet collars last?

I'm all for healthy online relationships,but understand that there is a contingent that treats online BDSM as if it was WoW, Second Life, or Sims. For the most part their entire kink experience was chatroom play and they came here as vanilla novices.

They are quite happy to create a fantasy character that bears little or no resemblance to their real life, then treat online public roleplay like real dungeon experience. They are 'one twu way' because they try to enforce fantasy rules in a chat lobby and get grouchy when others don't want to play dress up to their satisfaction. They change names and collars as often as folks change underwear. It's play acting that didn't extend beyond the lobby.

They leave either because the get frustrated at that, find a more exciting fantasy game, or because real folks who take their fantasy at face value find out the truth the hard way and get hurt. This lead to a counter movement that dismissed all online interactions as lesser because of the above. It got ugly, and remains that way.

Once again, some folks are what they say, and treat the folks around here the same as they treat their real life friendships. They support and contribute to the community here and share and support real hardship and pain. They gain real life experience, and share that with others. They don't lurk in the shadows trying to get folks to play silly games and dumping them when they discover the truth.

curiouskittyy​(sub female){GentlemanX} • Dec 19, 2018

@ bunnie, I am in no way undervaluing your opinion here, I’m simply trying to understand it. You said to Major Zach that the old ways were like how he was describing and that couples used to have collaring ceremonies and stick around. But my point is well if they stuck around then where are they all? Because not all of them are still about ...as you yourself say by describing them as dinosaurs later on. I never meant to imply that you said the old way were better either.. though saying “you try not to dwell on it” does suggest you consider the old ways better. That was just my general opinion about how I personally see things.
I also never said I was wondering where these ‘Dinosaurs’ are. I think you misread or misinterpreted what I said here because all I said was that I was ‘curious’ about the old ways. Lastly, perhaps we are talking about/with different people. I was under the impression you were referring to those users who have been around since the site opened as dinosaurs. Maybe I’m wrong. Anyway, I’ll leave it now because you seem offended by my comments on the matter but I was just trying to work our what you were saying and state that the old ways aren’t necessarily the right ways. Perhaps you are talking more about online relationships. I think we are simply on different wavelengths. Thats all