Judgemental people

SubtleHush​(sub female) • Jun 3, 2021

White Knight​(dom male){Not lookin}
"People tend to judge what they fear whether that be people or acts !!"
............not necessarily. In some cases perhaps. An abuse survivor might not comprehend why we like to be spanked or hit with things. They might overlap their experience with what we do and see it as violence. But what about people who totally get it and still see those who go too far as going too far? People tend to be very open because they are into the same things, or because they are newer and want to err on the side of caution.

"The more people learn and accept other people’s ideals and reasons for being how they are the less judgemental they become!!"
............ I have found the opposite to be true. The more you know the more you see through the holes in someone's rationale. People with a passion for high-quality wine will never appreciate cheap bathtub wine. Nor should they. People who prefer and are willing to invest in a high value collectable will spot a cheap knock off pretty quickly. We have plenty of cheap knock offs in this lifestyle. People who have the toys and the dialogue but are not at all what they seem to be. Should we not judge that? I will always call bullshit on that.

If you are approached by someone skeevy. Someone who stands your neck hairs on end and they want to spend time with you and you say no. You have judged them to be skeevy. I call that good sense, but it is STILL judgment.
...............................................
SashhaStrange​(other female)
"I would just like to say that I agree with you in this comment entirely in that, I choose to respect others and their kink preference and I appreciate the same respect."
............ Well, we certainly need more respect and the growth of Internet exchanges as I mentioned earlier supports that respect and common courtesy has suffered. But the question is, where do you draw the line? You have to include mental health and experience into this equation. If you worked with an obsessed co-worker who couldn't turn off his work life. Who has had three divorces because of it. Who is a substance abuser to keep up his wake time and work more, I suspect you'd see him as a person with issues.

And no matter how often he says he is happy with his life, you would judge it. If silently. And the instant his obsession affected your job security or work you might just shift into high-gear and see him as a threat. That is judging.

Just because people call something kink doesn't make it kink. Lot's of bad things have happened and been called kink. So at some point, and I don't care how open and understanding you think you are, at some point, you have to take a hard look at certain things and evaluate (judge) the risk, the cost to you for even being at the same party as that person, and the impact on those you care about.

..................And when someone says they were judged and judging is bad we all chime in. Yes! But seldom do you hear the whole story. Are you telling vanilla strangers or family that you like to be set on fire? Did you go home to your strained family relationship where people never valued you and tell them you have a kink in your life? And then when they reject you you are surprised? (both true scenarios)

Again... everyone isn't entitled to know your business. And if you know up front that they are judgey, negative, closed off, or religious zealots, stop telling them your business. They won't thank you for it. Nor are they required to endorse your choices. We subscribe to consent. That means we do not impose our choices on others. Even in discourse.

Many love the after play bruises but when you go to work or a family event bruised up, you should not be surprised when people who are not into this (subtract confusion, inexperience, and disrespect) and didn't ask to see you sporting bruises they equate to violence looked alarmed.

To assume everyone is supposed to be accepting and supportive is naive. Humans aren't wired that way. And you are only setting yourself up for hurt. Choose your timing, your audience, and give some thought as to why you share with people with whom you shouldn't share. You will still find judgment here and there but it will have no impact on you because you didn't invite it.

Lots of male subs have tried to convince me that I am a Domme. My being stronger than they are in no way makes me a Domme or their potential domme. Yet they try to argue and often will act as though I led them on. All for the fantasy they have in their head. I couldn't care less. I don't lead on and I don't pretend to be what I am not. So when they judge me I shrug. I am confident in who I am and that may be the best line of defense when faced with a judgey person.

H*

Steellover​(sub male) • Jun 4, 2021

Well one good point- yes you should use your good sense and judge according to things that either set off alarm bells or are turn-offs for you, but try at least to be respectable about it on the forums. I think that is really what people are getting at here. That is, don't call someone a "Creep" or "gross," if they are into things you personally find icky or gross. But if they come onto you, or badger you in a way that is creepy and/or gross, then of course, it is your total right to avoid them, or call them out on it.

(and if I ever start badgering a domme with endless e-mails like "Please, I want to ________ you, give me your number baby" then I should expect to be ignored or blocked.)

But: with that said, like with any BDSM the key words are safe, sane and consensual. If something crosses those lines, then it should be called out. Guys who fantasize about raping someone, for example. Anything involving doing permanent harm to someone. Any illegal or unethical activity. Anything involving minors. These are things that pretty much anyone agree, should be judged, and in most cases, judged harshly. If some practice is unsafe, then someone ought to mention that it is inherantly unsafe- for example, I remember reading on another forum about how a dom wanted to use acid to irritate his submissives skin. People responded with, basically, "Don't do that." And I would say, most people were in agreement with that.

AndySmiles​(sub trans man) • Jun 10, 2021

I JUST can’t help but laugh at this lol ok, before anyone thinks I’m a dick (at least right now) let me explain:
There’s a video (meme? Ticktock? Whatever you kids like to call them these days lol) where this guy is “kink shaming” another guy (played by the same guy) and the other guy goes “Don’t kink shame me!” And the first guy goes “Kink shaming is my kink.” And the second guy goes all deer in the headlights then screams. Lmao this post just reminded me of that video and I am crying right now because the first time I saw that video I was like “I WANA DO THAT!” Lol
Hopefully that helped lighten someone’s mood cause it sure did mine 😉😂

Bunnie • Jan 16, 2022

“Kink shaming is my kink.”

Lol, this made me laugh thank you.

Master Raf​(dom male) • Jan 16, 2022

You are so right there is tremendous judgment here. If you don't believe it, go into chat, express an opinion, and see what happens.

Spellbound Wytch{Mr. Parker} • Jan 16, 2022

No one is guaranteed a warm reception, though. Ask any performer. If your material isn't suited to your audience you can't fault them. Your choices are to maintain your course or perhaps re-chart your course if companionship is your intended destination.

LongerJohnny​(dom male) • Jan 17, 2022

The problem is not that people are judgmental. The problem is that sometimes it makes them assholes.
Ever look both ways before crossing the street? That's being judgmental. Do you follow that with telling all the drivers of all the cars that they are all worthless and wrong and should all crash and die? That's being an asshole. See the difference?
We all judge each other all the time. I judge you to be left-handed. You judge me to have good posture. Etc.
People in our lifestyle and community are not immune to being judgmental; it is part of the human condition - some would say a necessary part. So there is no reason to think that we are above it just because we all happen to run in similar circles, or enjoy some of the same weird things, or visit the same websites.
To paraphrase the OP question: Who are we to judge? We are you and me and everyone else, and it is arrogant for us to think that we are or should be less judgmental for no other reason than because of our common lifestyles. We are all people, wherever we are, we all make judgments, and the best thing we can reasonably hope for is to mitigate the assholishness along the way.
Perhaps the more shocking thing is just how much of that there is in the world.

Daddy to you​(dom male) • Jan 17, 2022

Seriously. People think they know your business. They think they have the moral high ground, and it’s ridiculous. Had a sub (not mine) straight up tell me I was a bad person for behavior *she had just done.* Telling on her own sense of self worth more than my moral fiber tbh. People need to mind their business, leave their judgment at home, and spend a few minutes examining the savior complex that makes them the arbiters of which big, bad doms are allowed to have private interactions having nothing to do with them. People have been low key sex trafficking on this site, and y’all are trying to police conversation.

yourbootsownme​(sub male) • Jan 17, 2022

I don't find as much judgment (although that word means different things to different people) as I do people who want to classify and define everything with generalities. And many others enter the lifestyle LOOKING to do the same thing. "Am I a real sub?" "Do I count as a BBW?" Go back and watch the scene in Harold and Maude in the field of daisies. Every single person is different. There are no rules, no checklist of classifications.

Ingénue{VK} • Jan 17, 2022

Oh I know! Express an opinion and you're jumped on and If you fail to speak, you get blocked. I empathise!

For the OP, if you dislike judgement, avoid other humans meeting in groups of more than one.