Is there a way to avoid desperate noobs?

event horizon{NotLooking} • Dec 27, 2017

It's also going to ensure that most people probably won't read what you write. You're basically talking *at* people instead of with them. Ain't nobody got time.

Also, I agree the other guy's post was trollish and rude, but I think ignoring him makes more sense. He wasn't contributing anything of value, so I gave nothing back. You, however, are being equally rude by responding the way you did, and therefor also contributing not much value. Be respectful of peoples' time. No one comes in these forums to read a novel of angst. The only reason I'm responding is because I believe you *could* have been making some valid points if you'd done so in a more concise and less irritated manner.

If there's anything *I've* learned here, it's that responding to rudeness with rudeness is not helpful. All it does is amplify the bad, and nobody needs that.

K y i v • Dec 27, 2017

@LikeTheWaves

Well said!

Taramafor​(sub male) • Dec 27, 2017

I STRONGLY disagree with that, Draconyx. The reason is quite simple. A stranger is someone that has yet to be there for you in any shape or form. They still have the possibility of assuming things about you that aren't true, looking down at you and seeing only the worst of you, believing what they want to believe instead of taking you at your word. Even if you go out of your way to try and be respectful. Believe me, I've tried in the past. It NEVER ended well. It's a two way street of course. I don't want someone to trust me right off the bat, but I don't want someone to be there for me without a good reason either. Because when people do it "just because" they're not doing it for "you". They're doing it to feel good about themselves. Or otherwise to attempt to make the world a "better place". But what happens once you snap and lash out at them due to too much stress or something and display any negativity? Strangers tend not to look past that. So no, earn that shit so I know I won't be avoided if it happens. And I won't avoid those that take an interest in me. The people that really care are those that look past it and stay. Most others, ESPECIALLY strangers, will go. I've also seen communities that rub each other the wrong way yet still get on despite it. Even met someone in a negative fashion yet end up closer on the very same day. Which would not have happened if not for that. Just because there might be a "lack of respect" doesn't mean you can't still get on and attempt to understand each other regardless, which can lead to it. there is a BIG difference between not showing respect and being a complete and utter dick going out of your way to be disrespectful. Part of that ties in with "Treat others as you would be treated" but the catch 22 with that is that I'm not others and others aren't me. However, I think we all have something in common. To have our whole selves accepted. Not just the good but the bad as well because we're all human. Which I accept from others as well as display from myself right off the bat instead of putting on airs. I want my negative sides accepted as well as my positives. In turn I accept it in others, even with strangers. IF I care about them or/and they express an interest in me. Those I don't care about get a chance but they have to EARN the rest. To show that they aren't some judgemental fool that sees only what they want to see in me just because I might be "a little bit different". At that point I will of course attempt to explain why things aren't as they appear to be, but if there's zero expression of interest on the topic and that "part" of me isn't even taken into consideration then that's it, I'm done. Too many people have avoided me for it or otherwise assumed I don't make an effort when I do and that's THE most disrespectful thing to do. Accept all sides of me as I would accept all of you. Other people might be able to have only "parts" of them accepted but I'm all in or bust. Too many people disrespect a stranger they don't know and don't even want to listen when you try to explain. So why the hell should I give it to them? Fortunately there's also people that do listen and don't avoid you like some sort of ugly wort. But it's simply foolish to pretend that respect is something to be handed out on a silver platter when people will spit in your face for doing it once you open up to them. What's more people seem to confuse respect with "Do what I want you to do or we won't get on". One of the most disrespectful things I can think of is avoiding someone for not being what you want them to be. And I highly doubt that you've remained around people that are foul mouthed and spurting insults. Have you considered why they might be doing that? Do you honestly give them enough respect to give them a second thought or hear them out? Do you feel bad for them without even bothering to get to know them? What if THAT'S the disrespectful thing to do with them? What if showing what you "think" is respectful actually pisses them off? So again, no. Get to know someone to know for sure.

But the main reason I disagree is because you're saying "should". Who's deciding that? I decide for me, you decide for you. Others decide for themselves. Regardless if the reason is for good or ill. Personal experience has shown the the former can be even more harmful. Your intent might be noble but let's just say I was once an idiot that went "I know better for others". I have zero tolerance for it now because of that. Individual choice matters and all that.

There's also the issue of what is respectful and not. Frankly you got better odds with me by not sparing my feelings and not being afraid to hurt me. And this circles back to strangers that think they know better. Too many people try to spare feelings or "think" they're doing something nice when it's actually not. That's a bit more technical. Suffice to say a hug when you're a stranger is not how to show respect to me. But they might think it is. That's why you earn it. You communicate and check in. Don't just assume. You earn it through the communication if nothing else. Do you have any idea how many people can't even be bothered to do that in general? And sure, it would make things so much easier if more people did, but it's for them to decide if it's something they should do or not. People have trust issues after all.

And it's not "gone" if it's not yet there to begin with. Furthermore it can be gained back if it is. I've done it countless times. Though perhaps after a bunch of EARNING it. Not everyone is the same and everyone has their own idea of what is respectful for them or not. The FIRST thing to be done as strangers is to check. in. Which comes back to the topic. Wherever that's "respectful" or not is up for debate. But we can agree that it leads to doing things to please each other (eg: earning it) if nothing else I think. Respect, in its most basic form is making an active effort to please each other and not intentionally offend each other. And I sure as hell aren't about to do that for a stranger I don't even know and traded only a few lines with that don't involve personal interest in each other.

hitestalways​(dom male){Mona Lisa} • Dec 27, 2017

My two cents don't mean shit to the Pope, but I think someone here still lives in their mommies basement.........

SubDraco​(sub male){Caged} • Dec 27, 2017

i tried.. but i just cant get through the word vomit that is your wall of text.. but from what i can gather, we see respect differently, i doubt your a complete douchbag to everyone you meet right off the bat.

Taramafor​(sub male) • Dec 27, 2017

And just because I talk a lot doesn't mean I don't want to listen as well. If anyone wants to assume otherwise then go right ahead. I just happen to type longer posts in general when I am passionate on a subject. That will not change and I get good feedback on my "walls" as well so I see no reason to do so. I have tried to shorten posts in the past (on other sites) only to end up coming across as more confusing. That would do no one any good. If nothing else know that I will read long posts as well. I just happen to get touchy when people try to tell me (or indeed anyone) what to do without consent. As I'm sure would you. I've been rather... traumatised on that particular matter. Consent isn't something that applies only in BDSM either. I'll spare the wall on that account. Definitely more of a "with" thing.



It's more of the fact that what is respectful or not varies from person to person. Therefor "earn it" with communication. With communication a stranger is no longer a stranger.

K y i v • Dec 27, 2017

My recommendation to block and ignore works on psycho troll posters too!!

Lori Van Pelt​(dom female) • Dec 28, 2017

I understand the frustration completely.. the do-me subs get old and I am so over it...

SubDraco​(sub male){Caged} • Dec 28, 2017

Being agressive with it like that doesnt seem very submissive to me, but i guess that falls in with the everyone is different category.

MstressWhipplash​(dom female) • Feb 24, 2019

Tighten your filter process about what you don't want. Then use your block button more.

That way you can give your time to a mutually compatible person and enjoy getting to know each other over coffee and dinner while laughing together.

Otherwise you start feeling jaded and crave closing your account. Don't do that hone your filter skills.

Also join Fetlife.com and join a few Dominant Woman focused groups to make friends with other Dominant Women near you. Having friends with similar issues means you feel supported when you get TWAT-itus.

Sure you will get the random wankos who only want their needs met by a person with a vagina. But block them and chat to those you like and can laugh about it with.

That way the bullshit doesn't impact you mood except to make a reason for you to meet Dominant Women friends.

It makes all the difference.

Mistress Whipplash Ma'am