Beautiful eyes wrote:
Even though I class my self as a sub I am not a Degradee......
Which to me this has elements of and
As i have never experienced this for myself....this is out of my comfort zone and i have trama issues as such I would need to be able to trust the person enough so that I know they will not rush me to doing something that I am not ready.
So for me a deep level of trust with any partner is needed.
I am very open to trying new things yes and to push my limits......but trust is key with me.
i love your insights and openness here. For me, "openness" is one of the key elements of our kinks, and WS in this case. Plumbing and finding the depths of who and how we are, connecting , and even bonding, with another person in that shared discovery and place. Right there with you when it comes to trust.
i usually hesitate to say that i'm a "degradee." Like so many of our kinks, this one is deeply personal vs generic and needs communication, mutual understanding, and for me, most importantly, it has to be symbiotic. The reason i generally "hesitate" to expose that part of myself is because it can be hard to explain to someone who isn't wired that way and already 'gets it' instinctively. For me it's not about enacting a scene or scenario, but evoking, experiencing and connecting mutual need/desire,
For me, what is evoked, and what i am wanting to connect with in the Top or D, is the same thing from the opposite side, Their vulnerable need to control, possess my vulnerable need to be controlled and possessed. That in itself sounds contradictory i think. How can One be in control, and at the same time vulnerable? i think it's because it is a need in that person, and exposing our needs to another is vulnerable. To me, when a person expresses that with a show of force, meanness, bullying; i perceive all of those as a mask, as fear from the Top/D of exposing Their need.
To me, where the magic happens is in the discovery and expression that it's a mutual need. When the Top/D thoroughly understands and perceives that They have someone who needs/wants Who and how They are, they can remove the "mask" and revel in the control and possessing, even in a state of vulnerability. For me, the power and mind fuck happens when both realize experientially and connect and bond.
i see the Top/D, not with a "mask" of bravado or show of force, but almost shy wonder and surprise. When They simultaneously experience the power and control They have with the bottom/sub in this, not because They had to force Their need/desire on them, but because They accessed and opened Their bottom/subs similar need desire.