Enamored Dominant or Just a Lunatic?

SirsSunrise​(sub female) • Oct 18, 2019

I’m not sure what kind of messages you have been receiving, but the ultimate goal is for you to be safe before anything else. You have to do what is right for you, eyes wide open

SirsSunrise​(sub female) • Oct 18, 2019

Here’s what I’m thinking....I got caught up in some frenzy a few months ago, after having a real life situation. The problem with feelings is they can’t be trusted when they’re that new, because you don’t really know each other.

Huge red flag for me would be that there are so many Doms here who are telling you this is not normal.

A real dominant would take his time, get to know you, make sure you’re comfortable with every step of the process. I know what I’m talking about from experience because I’ve seen the things that you are talking... saying I would be colored within days, telling me they love me within days, willing to relocate for me within days. That’s not reality and that is not how life works .

It takes time and patience to find the right one and anyone who is in that much of a hurry is definitely the wrong one .

Justme26 • Oct 18, 2019

I do not know if this is usual but can I suggest that you find someone on here and ask them to mentor both of you. If he is genuine then I do not see why he would not agree to that.

I am sure it is very overwhelming to have so many responses, but I hope that you see that everyone is just concerned for you. Please keep us posted.

Bunnie • Oct 18, 2019

How many submissives has he had in the past... and can you speak with any of them if he’s had any?

The thing that often stands out to me with these types of posts is that despite what anyone says... you posted here in the first place because something didn’t sit right.
My only advice is... please trust that. We don’t know him and we don’t know you... but something about this situation made you sit down, think about it, type it out and post it in a forum to get feedback from others. That’s a lot of effort to put into something if it’s not playing on your mind.

It’s difficult to walk away from these things in the beginning of exploring because for the first time someone sees us and we feel special and we feel connection... it’s like a plant that didn’t know it was dying, receiving water for the first time.

We get it... we’ve all been there.

Ask yourself this though... why would a bunch of strangers on a thread almost have unanimous responses?

And what would you say to your friend if she came to you and told you of this situation?

dollMaker​(dom male) • Oct 18, 2019

Imagine you are talking to a friend, and in a non bdsm situation, regular life, your friend tells you what you have told us. What would you think? Take a step back and be honest re your thoughts.

Based on what you have written here, this person seems to me to be a wanabe, fantasist, and not someone with experience, or knowledge. That in and of itself is dangerous, because bdsm is not, repeat not a safe activity. Think of bdsm as being at pretty much every level potentially dangerous on a sliding scale from minor harm possible to extreme likely hood of physical, mental and emotional damage done to life changing injury, even death. An ignorrant, wanabe, fantasist, with no understanding of the things they do could hurt you badly, even kill you. I am not by saying this being dramatic, but simply telling you what some of the dangers are. As you are ignorrant yourself of the dangers you may have a view that bdsm is some fluffy, fun activity. It is fun if done safely, but if done poorly its dangerous, think extreme sports.

You need to educate yourself about what bdsm is and is not. You need to read books, read websites, watch videos and attend local educational workshops or events you need to learn, before you do, or have done to you, in order to understand what bdsm activity needs, to be safe. For example nipple clamps if left on too long can damage sensitivity in the nipples, a rope bondage tie done poorly can cause non reversible nerve damage, using a flogger on the wrong parts of the body can cause extreme damage. These are just a few possible physical dangers, but a bdsm relationship executed badly, with lack of knowledge can screw you up emotionally and mentally.

With knowledge you can help mitigate the risk to you by being able to spot an ignorrant, wanabe, fantasist, if you do not abandon common sense and your incredulity senses. Sadly even experienced people can get swept up in the feelings and emotions, desires and energy, a very heady thing, that bdsm can create and ignore danger signs. This is called sub frenzy, a madness of desire to try, get into it now and this can blind you to the danger. Knowledge is power and a safety filter, please learn first and you do not need anyone to learn the basics.

Visit Loving BDSM website and YouTube channel and the submissives guide website and YouTube channel before you do anything, learn, and please take in the information these experienced people have to share.

Of course this person you have encountered could be experienced and have knowledge, but if so then they are hunting for naive, vulnerable, ignorrant subs to do all sorts of horrible things to. This person then is an abuser, predator, and extremely dangerous. The wanabe, fantasist is dangerous, but a predator, abuser could destroy you, and I am not being over dramatic here. Savida, the lady whos name sits beside mine, was in her early time on this site emotionally abused by someone who on the surface looked to be ok, they weren't. This person used her ignorrance of bdsm and her personal past life to screw her up, and there was no physical contact between them. How much more dangerous is an in person, physical encounter.

Everything you have told us screams danger, the red flags on show are obvious and show clear danger to your personal safety, physical, emotional and mental well being. The only question not answered is ignorrant wanabe fantasist or premeditated abuser predator. Regardless this is not someone to get involved with, and you should not go any further. Those that say run are right.

I beg you to listen, I fear you wont, desperation for a relationship, frenzy whatever reason, your replies show that you are questioning this threads respondents interpretation of what you have said about this person. Your emotions, saying we are wrong, he is a good guy. Please, please, please I beg you do not proceed, you are in peril, serious danger. Please do some research, on your own and weigh up what this person has done and said against the advice given here and knowledge that Loving BDSM and submissives guide will give you regarding what bdsm is and isnt, and what safe practice should be. If you do, it will be clear, I hope, just how badly off this person is.

meeshymeesh​(sub female) • Oct 23, 2019

Thanks to everyone who has still been caring enough to still check in on me. So just to give an update:

I did meet with him yesterday for dinner and we got to know each other more and carried on with conversation that seemed natural. He was very respectful and gentleman like as well. I have not signed a contract yet and we actually didn’t talk much about any of the kinky stuff as he said he wanted to focus on the first few dates as moments to get to know each other. Our next date is supposed to be at the fair and we’ll be hanging around my mom then so no worries about safety there. Thanks to you all’s feedback I’ve been able to let him know that him saying things like “I know you’re the one” or “How would you feel if I got you an engagement ring” might be unrealistic and to really think on things before speaking. He’s been able to see how saying things like that might not give off the intended impression. I am still keeping a watchful eye on him for anything sporadic, in no way am I just 100% comfortable with him yet.

Again, I am overwhelmed with the amount of support and help that I’ve received on this post. I will be forever grateful.

Duke Montefort​(dom male) • Oct 23, 2019

I'm glad your mother will be there to vet him. While my family is known for it's short engagements, for our style it's an even more dangerous move. Don't accept any ring until you've run him through the people you care about. Everyone looks good at first, but then flaws appear. Why we are human and all flawed. You've got smoke in your eyes. Please let the smoke clear learn to love the whole person not just fraction you see right now.


take care


Meeshy

Hisproclivity​(sub female) • Oct 25, 2019

I would wait. What is the rush? Why do you have to move in so soon? I would also discuss slave vs submissive with him. It sounds as though he wants a slave. You need to outline what YOU want and if you two are even compatible long term. I don't like how much you are "giving up" to a guy you haven't even been to dinner with--if something feels off--it's off.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Oct 25, 2019

I am concerned too @Hisproclivity

SouthernFire​(sub female) • Oct 25, 2019

I agree lunatic, in answer to your title.