Subs Pursuing Doms

House Talion​(dom male) • Jan 6, 2021

First come, first served

Summer B • Feb 4, 2021

It's always ultimately the submissive's choice in who they serve.

Subs Pursuing Doms

Dungeon master • Feb 5, 2021

I love the idea of a Sub seeking out their Dom. Speeds up the process and alowes the Sub one last aggressive act before they are dominated by their Dom.

SirSilverWolf​(dom male) • Feb 5, 2021

My take on this is that subs have the ability to self-advocate, so they should go after what they want and reach out and say high. Then see where it takes you.

surreytrainer​(dom male) • Feb 5, 2021

I have had both and it is not. problem.


the sub make s the final determination who she submits to. Likewise if the relationship doesn't work I see no reason to hold a sub effectively to something that does not give her what she needs. With ownership comes responsibility.

Peter

MasterRenton​(dom male) • Feb 6, 2021

I am a tad bit old school in thinking and I prefer a submissive who takes the initiative. They are choosing their dominant and if a submissive chose me to guide her and take ownership I would likely miss it because I am not going to push. I will initially make contact sometimes, but I will hold back 99% to avoid overstepping the reputation that I have established.

TalentedOptimist​(dom male){open} • Feb 7, 2021

Thank you all for these replies.
On one hand, I can see how doms/subs that I met in the past did not distinguish their approach and goals in a relationship versus that in a dynamic.
The end result was they confused their levels of communication and expectations at each phase of a relationship.
Like trying to interchange different types of vehicles (Jeep versus Swamp Boat versus Helicopter versus Train) on any random life obstacle course.
Ignoring the types of terrain and conditions these are meant to perform. As well as the start up approach, route planning, and internal maintenance.

On the other hand, I don't doubt the bedrock logic that many of you earned through your traditions, roles, and experiences. I have seen a much more positive outcome from submissives who approach me. When some subs post screenshots of their inboxes...it's cringeworthy. I don't want to feel like a burden or like I'm waiting at the DMV. That's just a personal jab, take it as sarcasm.

To the doms that support traditional roles and mindsets for pursuit, does it (when a sub approaches you) turn you off or just stunt your perceived process? One sub I asked this to counter-questioned with: "Can you (The dom) still fly the plane even if you didn't handle the takeoff part?

To the subs, my conversations seem to be from subs who waited until they were at a bursting point. Then they messaged me. Is there a way to soften that anxiety? I'm open to being corrected if I'm asking the wrong question.

Kelpi • Feb 7, 2021

it is a new world and if a sub sees something she/he likes then let them go for it . It saves the Dom time and well lets face it the thought is kind of hot thinking about someone chasing you. Just like Doms subs have to know that no is no and not to take it as a bad thing but as a chance to find some one to talk to and maybe a friend.

SirYesSir​(dom male) • Feb 7, 2021

By all means, bring yourself to my attention. Maybe you will be that rare example of a great fit... I promise to let you down easy if the fit isn't there.

Rivermxl • Feb 8, 2021

I (as a dominant) do not frown upon being approached; I believe it makes the BDSM dynamics all the more diverse and fun.
I also consider it a compliment so, approach away.

That being said, to each their own. I am sure some doms won't like subs on the initiative and some subs won't think it okay to approach a dom.
Just make sure to have fun.