Consequences for Invoking Safe-Word

EnforcedBliss​(dom male) • Nov 3, 2018

DollMaker, thank you again. A few comments if you'll indulge me



I wasn't talking about a public place with established rules. Of course decorum dictates that I adapt to them.

In private I have no need to follow those strictures and if I see something that could, in the moment, be accidentally dangerous I think I ought remove it.

Surely that is part of my responsibility. Unless you can see a reason why say, "apple" in place of red is unacceptable



Respectfully I don't see the relevance. I don't imagine after care typically requires a safe-word. Does yours?



Couldn't agree more that's why I posted it and enthusiastically encouraged its use. In my case I see potential problem and worked around it. Surely that is acceptable.

[QuoteHowever in a loud music environmemt where you might not hear a red call or any of the other words it might be wise to have hand gestures as a back up along side the use of the words. [/QUOTE]

This is an excellent idea and likely something I wouldn't have thought of until I walked face first into it. Thank-you very much for this.



Another great idea that I will incorporate.

Bliss

Bunnie • Nov 4, 2018

The benefits of the traffic light system is that it’s not confusing, and very clear cut. When a sub is in any play situation... let alone subspace, they’re not in a position to be making clear cut decisions... so the mode of communication needs to be very precise and ingrained. I agree with everything dM has pointed out. I also love that he includes the importance of remembering as Dom/mes, that you can safeword too.
I would also like to add some invaluable advice that was given to me by the Master of our group when I first started playing in the public scene...
During a play session... remember... you can always negotiate down... but you should never ever negotiate up... because you are not making a sober, clear headed choice. And a good Dom/me or Top would never allow it.

CK45​(sub female) • Nov 4, 2018

Enforcedbliss,
I agree with the others that safe words should be used and respected.
I can also see the other side of the coin in which a sub wouldn’t want to disappoint her/his Dom/Domme or would want to push through her/his discomfort/limits in order to have satisfied his/her partner.
I think awareness that it could play out that way is key for both parties involved.
Learning to read the other person as well as getting to know the person prior to getting into a sexual situation in which this could become a problem is certainly advisable.
Great post!
?

MasterBear​(other butch) • Nov 5, 2018

Consequences can be internal and emotional.

The fear of using a safe word can be a fear that the sub has of letting down their Dom/me.

It can be a subs fear that if they dont continue the scene they are not a "true" submissive.

It can be a submissives fear of failure by their own internal bar.

These fears can have nothing to do with the Dom/me.

They can exist despite the best efforts of the Dom/me

Visceral fears of the submissive create consequences for calling a safe word.

Satindragon • Nov 5, 2018

Safe words are there for the protection of both the sub and the Dom. Most Doms would never intentionally hurt their sub. If you as a sub allow him to go past your limits and are injured he feels responsible. We use the traffic light colors, green is good, yellow is slow down or lighten up and red means stop now. Please don't stay with someone who doesn't respect your use of safe words.

EnforcedBliss​(dom male) • Nov 5, 2018

CK - Thank-for bringing up reading people. Someone up thread mentioned body language and I'd meant to address it. I think the two dovetail

More than anything else I think body language and the read will be more important cues than anything else (except obviously safe words) as to the true state of the sub.

And that dovetails nicely - awww look at all the pretty birdies - with what BearMaster said about the internal consequences the sub may impose on herself.

With that it mind it would seem to be doubly important to be aware of the read and keep that possibility always in consideration.

SatinDragon - true words were seldom spoken.

Thank-you all for your replies, this has been a great discussion full of great little acorns for the mental stash.

Just for the record, I unreservedly endorse the stoplight system and encourage its universal use lol.

This again all seems to work out to know your Dom / sub. Jump to coffee and donuts not whips and chains. Take the time to learn the functioning of the other person on a human level.

It is really hard, at least for me, because this is new and the possibilities are expansive and exciting. Add in the flush of infatuation and it is tempting to run face first.


I wanted to share a line from someone in message because I thought it was perfect- "I want a Dom who will ruin my lipstick not my mascara." How perfect is that?

T slave​(sub female){Owned} • Nov 5, 2018

The consequences should always be cuddles and aftercare.

I have only ever had to use my safe word once and that was due to the onset of a medical reaction. Without it my dom would never have know of my deteriorating condition.

EnforcedBliss​(dom male) • Nov 5, 2018

You're 1st kind says it all.

'no' just MEANS NO simple as that

Samsea​(dom male) • Nov 9, 2018

Whatever the safe word agreed between the two who are 'playing' to my mind 'no' just MEANS NO simple as that; and there is no further need to discuss it further. If there is, then your with the wrong partner.

DrWakko • Nov 9, 2018

Both Tops and bottoms can use safe words.

Also there can be punishment (not sure if it’s the right word) in a CNC (consensual non consent) scene. Saying the standard safeword could mean an extra hard swat or a toy that the bottom hates. This doesn’t mean that the people playing don’t have another safeword just for the scene it means the standard safeword is no longer valid in the scene.