First session with mistress at nuetral site

First session with mistress at nuetral site

Jwankelton​(sub male){No} • Nov 7, 2018

For years i have fought my submissive urges and have finally decided to embrace it. After much searching i found a mistress that i feel comfortable with. We have been emailing about what each others wants and desires out of this arraingement are. Also have talked via text and phone. We are planning our first session and she brought up spending time at a site that cators to the BDSM lifestyle. I dont want to sound naive to the whole thing and be getting duped out of anything. This seems like a safe idea for both of us. What are peoples thoughts on this. Also the place is called house of kink. They have sites listed in most major cities. Has anyone heard of this place? Juat really new to this and dont want to be taken advantage of.

Villanelle​(staff) • Nov 7, 2018

I think a vanilla meeting at a coffee shop or whatever is always best for the first few encounters. It seems a bit early in the game to be going to a dungeon or play party or anything like that. Trust your instincts and use common sense. Just because you are submissive doesn't mean you abdicate your personal responsibility. And if she balks at your discomfort at meeting for the first time at such a place then I'd take that as a big red flag. For a first meeting in particular both parties should be sensitive and concerned about the other's feelings.

Let us know what happens - best of luck with it all!

HuntertheYeenQueen​(dom femme){Allie Kat} • Nov 7, 2018

I definitely agree that going somewhere not related to the lifestyle is a smart and safe option. Get to know them over dinner or coffee. Learn to trust them - since that's a big deal in this community - before you jump into anything. Knowing someone over text is not really enough to safely go somewhere potentially private imo. I even took a risk when meeting my husband for the first time, but that was after months of getting to know each other over Skype. I knew way more about him before I went for it.

I say hold off on the lifestyle areas until you know for sure that this person is who they say they are. Be safe before all else.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Nov 7, 2018

How long has this Mistress been active in the lifestyle? What community groups does she belong to? What workshops has she attended? What are her areas of expertise and how long has she been active doing this? Can any other subs or clients, if Pro Domme, vouch for their experience with her? Can anyone in her local community vouch for her regarding safety? Making the step from online to physical world, where real serious harm can be done requires this, and being honest (no offence) but domme's, doms should do checks on subs as well, as dangerous ones exist too.

Obviously if people are new on both sides of the slash its impossible to do that, but anyone claiming to be around for awhile, highly involved in their community should be willing to put you in touch with and allow anyone they were involved with (if possible) to talk with you. Sometimes due to privacy concerns that might be easier to say than do, but anyone active in the public scene, known and active in public dungeons, events etc should be able to do that regarding people who have seen them scening in those places.

Nothing is full proof as predators and dangerous people generally have people on tap that they didn't hurt to make them look good, so ask around not just those they suggest. Communities are small and often a little digging will show up any issues. Take those seriously, particularly if there are numerous examples of issues.

I would still always counsel against play on a first meet, its important to see what someone is like in the flesh, in a vanilla setting, to see if they are consistent in the flesh as they were via other communication methods. Any experienced, decent person would never ask, request or even allow a first meet to be a play meet, in my opinion. I would fully expect them to even suggest it as well.

The generally accepted methodology for this is make the first few physical world meets in a neutral public venue, coffee shop or the like, both parties having safe calls in place, and not to meet at a dungeon or private place, for play. Hate to say this but dangerous, reckless, predator types come in the form of women too, not just males.

I get you are probably desperate to live the dream, but taking a breath, pausing and re engaging common sense will be better than that dream turning into a nightmare. Any caring, ethical, decent person will have no issue with any of this, will understand and allow whatever time is required to pass to put you at your ease. If they don't, are pushy or get angry my advice - RUN.

CrimsonPaw • Nov 7, 2018

I agree with all the others, coffee first. ? Keep us updated!

Jwankelton​(sub male){No} • Nov 7, 2018

Thanks for the responses. Have really reaffirmed what my gut was saying. Generally when talking with potential mistresses its pretty easy to figure out if they are fake or not. Either they want you to purchase a tool kit or supplies after like 2 messages and at that point its conversation over, or they are legit and things dont match on an emotional level. I brought up meeting for coffee to talk more and see how we interact outside of a play setting. We will see what she says.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Nov 7, 2018

@Jwankelton always better to be safe than sorry.

Jwankelton​(sub male){No} • Nov 7, 2018

So depending on how this turns out where does one go from here? I am pretty new to this and still dont know fully what i want. I am local to the tein cities in minnesota and dont really even know where to begin with the local community with out being overwhelmend. Anyway. Thanks for the advice on the other issue.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Nov 7, 2018

@Jwankelton a quick Google search will bring up community groups in your location. I would look at how they present themselves and select the one that has most events, workshops and educational activity. If that group organises real life meets, held in vanilla locations and called munches I would enquire about attending one. I say this to all subs, educate yourself and through that education you will be better able to keep yourself safe. While ignorrant its very easy to not see things for what they are and whether someone is safe or not.