Insecurities

Insecurities

Belladonna Dreams​(sub female){Phage'Hada} • Dec 17, 2018

I'm curious about a few things. How do other subs deal with their insecurities? A lot of the time I write stuff down in a journal that's just to my Master. Hes free to read it if he chooses, but lately that hasn't been helping much.
Also do doms feel just as insecure?

alawey​(sub female){(OWNED BY } • Dec 17, 2018

for me , my insecurities were do to past abusive relationshps. I knew in the work place and such I rocked ( lol,well was good at what I did)

but years of being told I was fat,stupid,ugly,lazy,etc. along with being brat up and forced to go to work with blacken eyes ,spilt lips. I started to believe it.

Wolf have me small task that helped some along with my journal being on line so he could read all entries. although I never knew when he did. but we would talk about entries and why I felt this or that when it was needed..

In the end it came down to my trusting my trust in him .
1. he cared about ME
2.. he was able to see past all of that and still wanted me.
3. his actions and words help to push them away and allow me to be me without fear of failing..

that's not saying that I'm have not been trouble and punished or will not be in the the future.
that just means that he gets how thing effect me differently and has geared things to deal with it.

I think that s good Dom/mee learns how to change things so that it is geared towards each sub . just as there is no one way to please out Dom/mee. for both subs and Dom/need are all different.

Shiro​(sub female) • Dec 17, 2018

Same. Truth is always best. Even in conflict. Worked so far.

Kitty21​(sub female) • Dec 17, 2018

Anytime I'm struggling with insecurities, or questions, it's always turned out worse if I hold back.
I have learned now, to go to Daddy, ask to speak freely, and then tell Him exactly what's on my mind.

Normally He knows something is bugging me, before I even go to Him, but He waits for me to come to Him, doesn't try to pull things out of me until I'm ready.

Honesty is always the best way to go, imo.

Belladonna Dreams​(sub female){Phage'Hada} • Dec 17, 2018

But thats the thing, I'm being paranoid. Theres something up with him and it's finally gotten through my thick skull. Its always habit to assume it's my fault when really hes going through something at least i think he is since hes hinted at it. I mean I'm sad that he doesn't seem to want to open up to me about it but beyond that i need to learn how to get over my insecurities. I can't imagine it helping it him in any way either.

Fudbar​(dom male){❤️❤️❤️} • Dec 17, 2018

Yep, D types get insecure too. It's a double edged sword there; I think most of us have a certain 'fuck the world, I'm me' attitude and confidence that helps ward a lot of it off, but it's also more of a hit to the ego for us to admit that we're feeling insecure and vulnerable.

@Alaway hit the nail on the head; there is no one way to deal with it, and sometimes our past experiences make it hard. Sharing there shouldn't be restricted to just your partner. I've learned that if you need support, it's best to share that widely.

Don't just reach out to one person, reach out to many. Not only are you not stuck in your own head waiting for a single reply, but a friend, colleague or stranger may have insight that your partner may not.

Ala demonstrated another great point too; a fearless and honest examination and understanding of your past experiences can really help you understand yourself. Sometimes help comes from within and not from the outside. Knowing and acknowledging your own strengths and weaknesses can really help there.

Sweet and spice​(sub female) • Dec 17, 2018

I have a hard time dealing with my insecurities and overwhelming feelings. I try and keep how I feel to myself and eventually it comes out in the worse ways. Instead of feeling better, I end up feeling a million times worse. It's almost as if I am looking to be punished and if that happens then my anxiety is lowered and I feel better. It's complicated. I need to find healthier ways to deal with my insecurities and anxiety in general.

Belladonna Dreams​(sub female){Phage'Hada} • Dec 17, 2018

I get that. I use to cut. Thats how i dealt with my issues.

Sweet and spice​(sub female) • Dec 17, 2018

I can relate. I have used self-inflicted punishment on myself. I try to work out my insecurities and anxiety at the gym but it doesn't always work. How did you stop cutting?

MasterBear​(other butch) • Dec 17, 2018

Absolutely D types have insecurities, we just use our need for control to mask them.


About 7 years ago my love and I lived in a different house. It was the first house we never bought. It ended up being a money pit. We had no water, and had to haul water to the tune of 500$- $600 a month.

There was a lot going on on my job. And I just couldn't keep up with expenses. More than one winter we had no heat, no food, no water, no hay to feed the horses.


And things were spinning completely out of control. I tried working second jobs, or overtime. But the end product was I was burning myself right into the ground. And I was unable to keep up.
Every payday we were already 500 in the hole.

All of my insecurities were triggered. And I started saying I I am no longer worthy of being a Master. I can't even provide the basics.


I viewed my love as giving everything that she had. And I had nothing to give her in return. I remember talking to somebody and saying I need to stop identifying as a Master. Because that is a fallacy.


I remember who I was talking to trying to talk me out of it in essence.

Although I kept the title of Master, I in no way felt like one. And my love was trying so hard 2 keep everything on track.

For me, that was the lowest I had been. Since then things have changed. We moved into a new house. And I was able to gain the identity back in a very true way.


But I will never forget that time. I will never forget how hard my love worked to validate my identity despite the hurricane that we were in.