Would you join a male/female Harem?

Would you join a male/female Harem?

imFrfr​(dom male){Fr} • Mar 12, 2019

Hey. Harems. Do they even exist? Would you join a Harem? Every “experienced” person tells me it’s impossible. It’s my dreAm/goal. Any thoughts on the subject?

Kara​(sub female){Dark Roast} • Mar 12, 2019

TL;DR: You’re looking to run a marathon when you’ve just begun to turn over on your stomach.


Don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re a kid. Have you made a long term committed relationship with one woman work ? Have you gotten your own shit enough together that you can balance the needs of multiple partners ? Have you reached a level of maturity where you can put your own wants aside to focus on others ?

A harem isn’t about sex. There are parties in the kink community or places on other sites where you can find fun for a night or two. That’s not a harem. A harem means juggling multiple relationships, keeping things above board at all times, dealing with hurt feelings that arise, and making sure that the women involved feel loved and appreciated.

Would I ever be a part of a harem ? They do exist, but no. My romantic bonds are pair bonds and I require my partners to give all that is theirs for all that is mine. Nothing left romantically for anyone else.

SnappyJ​(sub female){Collared} • Mar 12, 2019

Hey, nothing wrong with having goals and dreams.

Kara​(sub female){Dark Roast} • Mar 12, 2019

Nope, but you have to be realistic as well as to your experience and abilities. If it’s a goal, that means that you have to work towards making it happen and develop skills and resources that would make it possible in the future. You would also have to make plans as to how to manage it.

If it’s a dream, you have to expect that it isn’t going to ever happen and come to terms with the fact before determining what is realistic. Not saying that harems don’t exist, just that there’s no way that that the original poster has what it takes at the present moment.

SnappyJ​(sub female){Collared} • Mar 12, 2019

Kara, no offense, but unless you know more than what he's posted and on his profile, how could you possibly know "that there’s no way that that the original poster has what it takes at the present moment."

Kara​(sub female){Dark Roast} • Mar 12, 2019

The age. I wasn’t mature enough to be in control of myself at 20. No one really is. At that age, we’re still trying to find ourselves and our place in the world. We’re not developed yet and certainly not independent. We’re still learning and growing into ourselves.

A 20 year old can function, can be intelligent and capable of indepence. That I have no doubt of. They’re adults, but they’re new adults learning to be adults. The likelihood of someone who isn’t old enough to drink being emotionally mature enough to handle the emotional needs of multiple women day in, day out is extremely slim as to be impossible.

Maybe, someday the OP will. I am not saying that it’s not going to happen. The winner of the Olympic gold medal for marathon running started out as a baby who couldn’t even crawl. He learned and practiced skills and over time became the amazing person that he was. Perhaps the same could happen with the OP, but it’s not going to happen today or without effort.

HuntertheYeenQueen​(dom femme){Allie Kat} • Mar 12, 2019

Do they exist? Yes. Do I have a desire for one? Absolutely not.

Many people fantasize about such things but... unless you're having an unwilling harem, which I hope isnt your intent, it's way, WAY more work than most are willing to put up with. You're having to take care of multiple people. Support multiple people. Put yourself aside a LOT to keep the group happy.

Domination isnt selfish. Even if it seems that way, because that's what you and your partner(s) are into, your submissive'(s') needs should be just as important. Are you prepared to fulfill multiple people's wants, needs, desires?

If you're truly interested, I suggest doing research. A LOT of research. Research til you think you've got it. And when you're there? Research some more, because we are NEVER done learning. And ask yourself if the work is worth whatever reward you're picturing in your fantasies at the moment.

Also, I suggest starting off slow. Starting with just one partner, letting them know from the get-go what your plans are. If that relationship goes well, then maybe try adding another, if your partner agrees. And so on. But... start slow. You might come to realize that what you see yourself wanting right now, is just... too much.

It could all work out. But from what you've given to us about yourself in your profile, and what you're saying you want, or implying at least, I worry.

imFrfr​(dom male){Fr} • Mar 12, 2019

Thanks for all the replies. Yea I totally understand where everyone is coming from. I’m sure it’s hard for most to see my vision. Thanks for the replies, and I don’t know how to change my profile picture haha

AKittenforSir​(sub female){JohnBond} • Mar 13, 2019

Do they exist? Yep. Would I join one? Nope. Maybe a year ago I would have considered playing in a harem scene, but since Sir found me, I have come to learn that I’m quite jealous and possessive. The other ladies would be limping out of the room with kitten scratches on their faces and clumps of hair missing.

Bunnie • Mar 13, 2019

Hi @ imFrfr, great post

“Do they even exist?”

Yes, they exist.


“Would you join a Harem?”

Yes. However, for me it depends entirely on the Man (in my case) of the household, and how he runs his house. So many of the difficulties and malfunctioning examples of “harems” or “poly” that we see, are often due to lack of experience on the Head of Household’s part... or people who aren’t really that way inclined, but want to use it as an excuse to “collect” or “play the field.”

A well run house, run by a stable and experienced HOH, can be a very beautiful thing (I have not personally experienced this, however I have known a few of these households that are very successful).

Ultimately, the nitty gritty of it all is that it requires a willingness by everyone, to put in a lot of effort, and a willingness by the HOH (and everyone else to a degree also) to take on a huge amount of responsibility.