Sub looking for advice

Sub looking for advice

Deanthed​(sub male) • Apr 5, 2019

I'm new to the sub life, but I know what I'm into. Would anyone would be willing to help me by explaining what to expect as a sub

hyena​(switch male) • Apr 5, 2019

It is, like most situations, completely dependent on who you're with. If you're able, could you tell us a little more about what sort of relationship you'd want?

Being submissive can put you in an uncomfortable place, at the very least a place you aren't used to. Depending on how far you'd like to take the bdsm, it can require you to put a lot of trust into your dominant counterpart. It could be trusting them to respect your boundaries when it comes to your kinks, it could be trusting them to physically handle you well, or for many, it's important to trust your dominant emotionally, to a point where you can be vulnerable with your emotions and thoughts. Some people are built for this more than others. Personally, I have a lot of trouble opening up to a dom, and if that's the case for you, you should expect it to take time for things to get better.

For the more simplistic stuff, expect hotheads and unpleasant people to come your way occasionally, but don't get discouraged if you're approached by people you don't find attractive.

Deanthed​(sub male) • Apr 5, 2019

Wow thank you so much for the advice it is extremely helpful

Dominus Blakesley​(dom male){Amaris Anc} • Apr 5, 2019

Hello, newly joined member of our covert community, haha. Welcome to the site and we are glad that you are actively reaching out for help here from members rather than relying on what you assume or surface Google searches. Many Dominants/submissives rush in head long too fast and with a lack of knowledge and next thing you know, they are coming across as a mockery of what they represent or simply ignorant.

But to answer your question, being a submissive means to be the drive of the relationship. While it is in the name, submissive does not *entirely* mean submitting to your partner(s), but that you find yourself fulfilled and growing with your dedication and commitment to them--line all relationships, really, but like the other answer in the above post, you are more dependent on your partner than the norm.

To be submissive, as stated, is finding happiness and fulfillment in serving your partner, but know that it is not just a one way road (unless your relationship agreement/Contract specifies otherwise or extreme Master/slave dynamic) between the two of you. Be sure that your Dominant returns your dedication and commitment. They may be the ones in "control", but there is no control or relationship without you, the submissive, for the dynamic revolves on you and what you agree to subjecting yourself to.. Your D/s relationship relies on mutual growth and satisfying those inner desires of submitting/Dominating. The Dominant needs growth and learns just as much as the submissive does, so never believe one has more power over the other (while we are on the subject, be sure to develop safe words/gestures) and never be afraid to give your input on anything and everything in the dynamic as you go about it.

A few more things--I have come across many submissives (including my own) who find themselves to afraid to voice their opinions and thoughts to their Dominants, let alone admitting to being afraid of satisfying their Dominants well or being enough of a submissive. The truth of the matter is, you have a voice for a reason and behind all the shades of grey (do not rely on that movie, for the love of BDSM), you still stand equal to your Dominant. Never be afraid to speak your mind and should you feel like you are not enough of a submissive, remember that talking it out is often the solution. Another thing is do *not* subject to sub-frenzy... Throwing yourself at Dominants or treating every other Dominant with a red carpet can and will be taken advantage of by those unsavory. Instadoms run rampant across this site, you do not want to be paired with one what with them believing their claims of being Dominant means their words goes in anything and everything even if you are a stranger to them. They will demean you and expect you to drop everything and follow their demands on the spot. A select group will even reach out to you as soon as they see your status as submissive and harass you (very few have good intentions and are welcoming) even if you wish to be left alone. Finally.... do research. Research is everything. Research all the types of BDSM play out there, terms, lingo, etcetera. Research your potentials too, make sure you do not make the wrong choice in a partner. And research yourself. What do you like? How easily do you find yourself submitting to certain influences or people? Do you enjoy being submissive? How submissive are you willing to be? Research, research, research.

Hopefully, I provided some insight for you. Of course, the forums and blogs are open for you at any time should you are still curious or confused on some things. People in the chat rooms will often fill you in too, just be sure to look into their words to see if they are accurate, but I have found no problems with that ever since I joined the site so you may not have to. Do enjoy the site nonetheless.

Best of luck on your journey as submissive and take care, hopefully your questions will be laid to rest before long.

Azzabackam​(switch male){PawPawGirl} • Apr 5, 2019

Like everyone has already laid out, this is totally dependant on what you want, and what your partner(s) want.

As far as the community is concerned, all we expect is that you be respectful to those you interact with.

It takes time

Belongs2Huntress​(sub gender fluid){Collared} • Apr 5, 2019

Every Dom is different. Sometimes it takes a little time to know what is expected of you. Communication is key. A good sub pays close attention to their Dom's cues. Everyone of my Mistresses have had different expectations.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Apr 5, 2019

Your new.
But you know what your into.
And you want others to tell you want to expect.


Maybe it's just me here.

But how do you know what you are into if your new and you dont know what to expect?

Angel Wings​(sub female) • Apr 6, 2019

First of all welcome to the group. My advice is to do your reaserch and continue to ask questions. This is a learning process after all. Read read and when you think you are done read some more. Join a sub group too for advice and support. My second bit of advice is don't rush it. This too is a process and not overnight.

All my best for you and your Journey.

Patricia