Shy guys

Shy guys

Just Jessy​(switch gender queer){Owned} • Jun 16, 2019

I have a friend who is a male sub. He is shy and feels really awkward and out of place all the time. He also adores women. He falls too hard too fast and then gets hurt. But one thing he feels like a freak for (in a non-kinky sense) is that he is shy. Is is shy, timid, and sensitive, but I think he’s good at hiding it. I figure, as a switch, that these traits would be attractive to a dominant woman. Am I wrong? Also, why do so many dominant women just play around? There have been several times where my friend was talking to him, he fell for her, and then she stopped talking to him, and he doesn’t understand why. I don’t understand either. If you’re not interested, don’t lead the poor submissive boys into thinking you are!
So anyway, do all y’all dom ladies like a shy guy? Or is it a trait you don’t like? Is there a particular reason why? Thanks!

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Jun 17, 2019

I'm Femdom only so my comments might not fit here 100% but I'm sure you'll get many others answering....since you labeled your friend a "switch" (Femdom, partners only have one role)

I don't mind a shy guy but do not like a door matt or a weak willed man, less assertive. To me there is great deal of difference in the two, a lot of time the label shy is applied to both. I want a man to stand tall, even when kneeling to me. To me a shy guy opens up when he is ready. To me a shy guy just take longer to show you who he is. A door mat or weak willed person, what you see is what you get. I practice power exchange within my Femdom lifestyle. I want power to take. The taking part is important to me, he has to have some "power" for me to take (and exchange) A shy guy can give you that with time, if genuinely shy.

Also you wrote "Also, why do so many dominant women just play around? " I'm going to guess you mean, as in flirt when they aren't interested?
For myself I am a massive flirt in real life...but I'm not over the top. A shy guy (in my definition of the word) I will flirt with "longer" to allow him time to relax around me or let himself bloom. I like to give people a chance. Flirting is verbal power exchange to some. Maybe the women your referring to are doing the same and then once he does relax, they are finding he isn't such a good match and move on? Reading what you wrote, maybe I shouldn't do this if its hurting so many "shy" men?

As above I wrote I was Femdom, and you wrote he is a switch. Being a "switch" I would "assume" (I know its wrong to assume) but I would assume he could take "flirting/verbal power play" as his Dom side would be more "alpha" rather than "beta"..shrugs.

Just Jessy​(switch gender queer){Owned} • Jun 17, 2019

@missbonnie,
Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that he’s a switch. He’s into femdom. I’m a switch, so I was saying from my dominant perspective, that I would find those traits attractive. I could just be strange. I guess I should have phrased that differently. My apologies!
I can see where you’re coming from about the power exchange. I agree with that. I also agree that someone acting as a doormat is different than being shy; I just never really thought specifically about that. Thanks for pointing that out.
Yes, I do mean flirting. Ok, I can see that. But wouldn’t you at least tell the guy you’re not really interested instead of simply ceasing communication? No, I don’t think you should change who you are just because people are sensitive. However, I believe there should be a level of respect in which the other party is informed that you’re not interested after all.
And you totally lost me on the last part. Haha, sorry

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Jun 17, 2019

No apologies needed No harm done at all. I'm the last person that will take any offense when is something is phased wrong or weirdly. I'm overly good at phasing things wrong myself

the last part..since he isn't a switch( and I misunderstand stood) I wont bother to explain in-depth, unless you really want me too. In short. I find most dominants are flirts (not all) so if we met online or at a much etc and he was labeled as switch and seemed shy....I'd kinda assume he, being a switch and having a Dominant side as well, would be flirty too. The Alpha part, since an alpha tends to take the lead and I'm an alpha too, I'd assume I could amp up the flirt level as he "should" be able to take it and give it back. I'd also then assume his Alpha parts would go beta if was feeling submissive, if I pushed/flirted to far.

As for, would I or do I tell them ( a submissive), I'm not interested?...Most definitely yes! I cant stand it when people string others along or hold a persons heart for ransom or worse ghost. I like to be up front and very clear when I'm not interested. If I cant express that or what I want, I don't deserve a dominant role.

another thing to think on? is it possible your friend mistakes peoples politeness for interest in him? and then is reading more into a situation and thinking they had a moment? If he is really shy, he might read others cues a lot differently if the other person is more ..cant think of another word...gregarious than him?

Just Jessy​(switch gender queer){Owned} • Jun 17, 2019

Oh ok, that makes sense. I can totally relate to that since I am a switch myself.
That’s good. I know that seems to be left common than it used to be. And I like what you said there about not deserving a dom role if you can’t handle that. I think that is very true and a wise thing to say.
It is absolutely possible that he does this. He’s crazy about women. He is a pet, and he gets excited just like a little puppy

MasterBear​(other butch) • Jun 17, 2019

Speaking personally -- no.

Being shy isnt endearing to me. It means i have to work harder to get information that I need. I abhor that. I do not chase. I dont have the time.


As far as play around. Maybe this woman had a very good reason she wasnt interested. Maybe, like me, she sensed his inability to openly discuss himself. Combine this with falling for her fast.
That doesnt make a pretty pic.


In my lens he seems very insecure with low self esteem and high level needs.

All things that would make him not appealing to me. I apologize if that seems cruel. Just letting you know what i think.

Soulweaver​(dom male) • Jun 18, 2019

Dominants are flirts?...c'mon MissBonnie you're giving away trade secrets! You're gonna lose your Dom/me union card if you're not careful! ROFL

I am j/k and yes, most Dom/mes are unrepentant flirts! For me the two go hand in hand.

ZoomOut • Jun 18, 2019

I identify mostly as a sub, but have a bit of switch in me. I’ve been approached by sub males before and in my limited experience, it’s been really tough to get to know them because they just go on about how they want to serve me and what not. I’ve even flat out told them I’d like to know more about who they are and asked a few questions (though seeing as these were unsolicited, I didn’t necessarily have tons of time to carry a conversation) but it always seemed to quickly steer back to how they wanted to serve. I was hoping they’d make themselves more unique/individual in my eyes but it stayed pretty generic.
As opposed to a guy who identified mostly dom and saw the switch in me and was able to make things more personal.

It’s hard to know for sure without seeing how he interacts. I hope he’s able to figure out how to improve his situation!

Jordi96​(switch male){Searching} • Jun 27, 2019

Why does this sound so much like me??

Just Jessy​(switch gender queer){Owned} • Jun 27, 2019

@jordi96, I promise you’re not the guy I’m talking about 😂