Advice for first munch?

Advice for first munch?

Curious Raven​(other female) • Jan 11, 2020

I’m a novice and planning to attend my first munch next week. I think most people feel shy about walking alone into a social event with complete strangers and of course, the kink factor ups the ante. The standard vanilla questions (what do you do? where do you work/live? where did you go to school?, etc.) are probably off limits (or not?). I do plan to e-mail the host to let her know there’ll be a newbie “in the house”.
So...what’s your best advice for mingling at a munch? What do you recall from your first munch? Care to share any funny stories? Things you wish you had done differently? Did you use your real name or a “nom de kink”?

FearlessBrat​(sub female){H.PL.} • Jan 11, 2020

Hi Raven

I am Newbie myself....Let me to recommend Munch 101 by Sadie McMaster you can find it on Amazon kindle. I actually found it here at the Cage.
Very good read. Enjoy

DrWakko • Jan 11, 2020

The best advice is this: just be yourself.

Remember everyone in that room was in your shoes at some point in their life.

Introduce yourself how ever you want. No one will know if sally is your real name or not. If the group does introductions copy what is said. Some people are able to say “I’m Steve and on site x my name is ????”. When I go to an event I say “I’m Dr. Wakko some call me Wakko some Doc and others The Doctor”. This way they have an option on what to call me.

It was a good idea to email the hosts. Just so you have an idea what to expect.

Have fun and enjoy your first munch.

DW

Erick​(sub male) • Jan 11, 2020

I went to a munch long ago, before they were called that. It was an early meeting of the Eulenspiegel Society. (Revealing my age here. I'm old enough to be a Clint Eastwood character. Well... maybe in another 30 years. But I FEEL like him already.) So I'm sure things are HUGELY different now, and probably this will be useless to you. At best an addition to the "funny story" category.

In those days it was like a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. Which, as you may know, is how the political side of BDSM-ism got started in the U.S. about half a century ago. In other words, a small and motley collection of random people , meeting in church basements and so on, who felt drawn together out of really desperate shame and really desperate confusion, and the awful stigma CREATED by the psychiatric establishment, NOT alleviated by it, and a desire for, as Shakespeare said, "a commodity of good names to be bought."

(Thus "scene," "littles" (try Googling "little people" and see what you get), "RACK, " "CNC," "SSC," "impact play" (frankly, I couldn't help upchucking my drink right through my nostrils when I first heard that one), "aftercare," "subdrop," "subspace" (howcum hardly anyone ever says "domspace"?), "red word," "yellow word," "green word" (just like G.W. Bush's Terrorism Threat Advisory Scale), etc. etc. etc. And of course "munches.")

So we went around the room and each one of us was rather pointedly invited to tell a little story about ourselves. (Just like "Hi, everyone. I'm Sylvester. And I'm an Alcoholic.")

And when it was my turn, I publicly confessed that in my private heart of hearts I liked nothing better in the world than the simple, old fashioned humiliation of being paddled on my bottom like a naughty child from the "spare the rod" era. And the paddle had to be smooth, varnished wood. Made by people who actually believed in real corporal punishment. That was part of the magic and was very important to me. For psychological reasons that I felt it was not necessary for me to understand. I made an effort to be as thoughtful about the subject as I could be. I thought that was what was called for.

And I must say it took some courage for me to reveal such demented thoughts. But when I was done, my brothers and sisters in kink stared at me like I was from another planet. I totally bombed with them. They gave me NOTHING. Except crickets.

And then, to add insult to injury, the next guy, who was a DEFROCKED Catholic priest (no explanation for the defrocking) told the group that he liked nothing better than to consume the bodily wastes of nubile young ladies. Which sounded pretty scandalous to me, considering his choice of career. But HE got something close to APPLAUSE. (Lots of enthusiastic, encouraging smiles and vigorous, sympathetic nodding of heads.)

So, the point is: I think the whole thing is just like any other social situation. If you're a people-person, they will love you and give you every consideration. And if you're a social zero like me, they will TOLERATE you.

But the mere fact that you ask such a polite question on a website like this indicates to me that you are socially adept. So I predict that you will have a very good time no matter what.

Anyway, good luck.

Curious Raven​(other female) • Jan 13, 2020

Great suggestion! Thanks

Curious Raven​(other female) • Jan 13, 2020

[quote="DrWakko"]The best advice is this: just be yourself.

Remember everyone in that room was in your shoes at some point in their life.

YES! Always the best advice for any situation. And very helpful to remember that everyone starts as a novice. Thank you!

Curious Raven​(other female) • Jan 13, 2020

@Erick. LOL...you are hilarious and I really hope you were exaggerating just a little for comedic effect. Somewhere in your response is the seed for a Netflix series on the lifestyle: a kinky, darker SATC. Thank you for your encouragement!

Munch

zash • Feb 6, 2020

Hi

I just went to my first Munch yesterday
( I had a limited time , as is a week day , and had to work today - probably 2 hours ).
I really enjoyed it . In the first moment was little bit strange and uncomfortable 😣, but just for a moment
Once we start talking, the conversation flown and I even didn’t realised that 2 hours has passed .
The best of all was that I got the details for General events and other Munches where would be brilliant to go
West Midlands scene is actually very busy lol ( how when you are not into the lifestyle you never know the amount of events and interesting things going on in your city lol 😂)

Very pleased and happy that I went , looking forward to BBB ( Birmingham Bizarre Bazaar) event next Sunday where I will see a lot of toys and “tools “ the best part of all there will be a Demo “Erotic impact play “.

So moving step by step ☺️

1.Munch
2.Demo event
3.General Event ( I was advised that this would be the best to start with)

Probably baby steps but I am really enjoying it .


Z

SoaringFree​(sub female) • Feb 7, 2020

I went to my first munch last month and had a great time. Everyone was very welcoming and conversation flowed easily. All sorts of topics within BDSM were talked about. Nothing personal like jobs or family was discussed. It's fabulous being able to have open discussions about topics that are usually only talked about in private.

NCarraway​(dom male) • Feb 7, 2020

Such great heart-warming stories of a first munch! Well done @zash and @soaringfree

For all those out there contemplating a first munch, give yourself a push and get out and be kink-social! There are people here that can talk you through what to expect and guide you through the process.

Cribbed from one of my other posts: Going to your first munch can be a daunting and nerve ridden experience for many. But, if you can get over the threshold and into your first munch you will find that its populated by real people, living their life and getting their kink on at the same time. Munches are friendly, vibrant and welcoming communities. Unpleasant and creepy characters do not survive in a munch environment for long so you will find it a relatively safe space compared to an online forum such as this. Once you have been to your first munch nerves will subside and you will have access to a whole new community with which to build friends with similar interests. Being part of your local social scene will give you a different perspective on what kink can be to you.

Carraway