What is more important -Compatibility or Chemistry

What is more important -Compatibility or Chemistry

zash • Feb 9, 2020

Hello

I just watched a video regarding why compatibility is more important than chemistry.

What do you think ?

I know that the lottery winners would be both together , but what would you chose ?

Peace ✌️

Z

Sunnie​(sub female) • Feb 9, 2020

For me personally they are both important. We can be compatible like no other but if I don't feel anything I will lose interest. I'll see you just as a friend. I need to be able to react to you, I don't mean by looks either. Your words, actions and personality. You would have to react to me as well. If no chemistry that doesn't exist for me.
I guess if there is good chemistry then the compatibility comes naturally if your likes and dislikes add up.
Remember what works for one doesn't necessarily work for the next. Each relationship/dynamic is different.

djinni​(dom female){smplylaura} • Feb 9, 2020

I had someone give me that advice 15+ years ago. I met an amazing man, checked all the boxes compatibility wise, but on my end the chemistry was never quite right. We were together 14 years, it was very companionable and loving, but intimacy wasn't something we shared. I ended up breaking this wonderful man because I couldn't live without it any longer.

So compatibility is great.... but the chemistry must be right or things will eventually go to hell. There is a biblical principal about being yoked unequally, and it constantly rings true. Hold out for the person that you can play scrabble with but wants it to be naked scrabble.

LaVieEnRose​(sub female){Kintsugi} • Feb 9, 2020

I agree with djinni and Sunnie while comparability is great if there is no chemistry then I feel like you’re missing out on half of the relationship.

I mean yes on some level physical attraction is important but you could be gorg but if you’re a shallow ass then any attraction I might have would be lost. So for me it’s a mix of physical/emotional/intellectual

For me if your words feel empty and don’t set me on fire then it doesn’t matter how compatible we are, I don’t think I could just settle

zash • Feb 9, 2020

Thank you so much for commenting

I agree that Chemistry is very important for the relationship and that is you have no chemistry , but just compatibility, than probably is better to be friends than anything else .

But , with the time often the Chemistry fade away ...I have seen couples that in the beginning of them relationship all seemed amazing , but with the time the attraction and the chemistry disappeared, obviously this had affect onto the compatibility as well. They end up separating and walked away in different directions.


Do you think that everything has a “expire date “ and is it natural to walk away after making everything possible to safe the relationship?

Z

SynUnrestricted​(dom female) • Feb 9, 2020

For me, since I have been with both, I need someone to be both to/with me.
I am so fortunate to have found that in my husband.
He constantly stimulates my mind, my body without touching me, and my intellect.
We started as just thinking we would be great friends. It rapidly evolved into a undeniable love and companionship.

LaVieEnRose​(sub female){Kintsugi} • Feb 9, 2020

I think if chemistry fades then you weren’t with the right person, personally I think if you’re with the one you’re meant to be with then you both will make efforts to keep the chemistry going.

Personally I think that’s where having lives outside of you D/s relationship comes in, you need time away from each other but also other things in life that are yours. So I dunno maybe you both love cooking so you take cooking classes together and regularly cook meals together. But also you have your separate friends and social circles that you do other things together. Maybe you’re a big geek and love cons so you go to cons with your friends.

zash • Feb 9, 2020

I agree that effort should be made from both parties.
When I mentioned about the couples , I mean in vanilla relationship, so actually I can not really comment regarding D/S relationship yet . I never had one and unfortunately I am just in the beginning of the destination yet.

But this is a good question to make here .

You have the chemistry with the Dom/me but for some reason he is interested in one dynamic, and you are into another . You have different hard limits , would it work the relationship? Do the Submissive has to make the compromises, or the Dom . ?


Z

Erick​(sub male) • Feb 9, 2020

When I was in college I had two girlfriends.

A homely, mousy, flat-chested, nearsighted brunette who looked like Elaine May, had eczema and severe allergies to everything from cats to peanuts, who was merely OK in bed, but who also had a never-ending supply of heart and soul, who saw the world exactly as I did, who perfectly shared all my tastes in books, music, politics, people, and recreational drugs, who laughed at all my jokes, and who was always sympathetic to my problems and encouraged me to make my best efforts. She was well connected too, and was able to help with my career.

And then there was the Scandinavian blonde bombshell, with big tits and baby-blue Barbie-doll eyes, who always made me so hot that we would rip each other's clothes off every time we got together.

It sounds monstrously egotistical to say so, but I really could have married either one. It was up to me. So guess who I chose?

And now I regret it. My life with the brunette would have been so much better. But even if I could travel back in time and try to knock some sense into myself, I don't think I would have listened. Chemistry is very powerful stuff.

LaVieEnRose​(sub female){Kintsugi} • Feb 9, 2020

@zash I’m still only in the beginnings of one hopefully but I find it’s no different than a vanilla relationship, there are going to be compromises on both sides.

But a lot of Dom’s will tell you that it is really the sub that sets the tone in the relationship because as soon as the sub says nope a true Dom will respect that. So in some ways it is the Dom that is making the compromises HOWEVER as your relationship grows and changes so will the compromises. But that is why it is important to really take the time to know a Dom you’re interested in starting something with because you don’t want to end up in a situation where you find yourself uncomfortable with what is going on.