Willingness to post profile pictures

dollMaker​(dom male) • Feb 16, 2020

Shame on you for posting that, disgusting.

Seriously, you have never felt nervous, or unsure?

I despair at all this alpha bull shit and so called doms caling others out for being human, showing they are far from perfect, have emotions and sometimes feel nerves or unsure. I know which type of human being I prefer to be friends with, and more so if I were a sub, the arrogant, unfeeling, cold, unemotional, overly confident ones would scare me, and as a dom these types scare the crap out of me as well and I fear for the subs they get involved with.

Learning your craft, improving as a human being are worthy goals as is being human, not some card board cut out of a stereotyped unthinking, uncaring brutish alpha idiot. That is not being dominant in my book.

In regards to the topic, the Cage is open, not behind a membership wall, though you can prevent outsiders from looking at photos, but members can see them, and as such I would be careful re what you post, as distinguishing features can still give you away, as can voice clips on here. If your private life, work or other wise is in danger if you are outed then don’t post anything that can identify you. Those that call people like that out as cowards etc, are best avoided and ignorred in my view. Not everyone can be out, I can’t, but even if I could I would respect others right to privacy and discretion, and certainly not call them out for wanting to keep safe.

I post pictures that reflect my interests on my profile and those give insight into what I am about. Those I let into my life obviously get more, but that must be earned and I won’t just give it away.

LitAngel​(sub female) • Feb 16, 2020

if you not sure about posting a pic don't ... for what ever reasons... i read that you are new to this ... take your time. save those pics for someone that deserves them

AKittenforSir​(sub female){JohnBond} • Feb 16, 2020

You're not going to be everyone's cup of tea no matter what you look like. It's better to know straight away rather than after you develop a connection with someone only to be turned down because of the lack of physical attraction.

As far as the mask; if you like masks and you hope to incorporate them into your dynamic playtime, then definitely wear one in your pictures or mention it in your profile. Instead of worrying that it may turn people away, be relieved that it may turn some people away because if they dont like masks and you do then they might not be a great dynamic fit for you. Really it depends on how much you enjoy masks and if it would bother you not to be able to use them in play scenes. I know some people have huge mask fetishes.

If the mask is just to cover your face because you're embarrassed/shy about your appearance then refer to paragraph one. If it's just because you want to remain anonymous in the BDSM scene for work or other personal reasons then wear the mask and just explain that in your profile. But know that a potential sub is going to want to see pics of your face before she ever agrees to meet with you.

Like others have said above, confidence is a huge driving factor in sexual appeal; especially a Dom's confidence. Not only that, but I find severe insecurity in appearance to be a major turn off. Not trying to be harsh, just honest and hopefully helpful.

ThirtyFourPointFive • Feb 16, 2020

I used to give a fuck about someone seeing me here, now not so much. There is also a check mark when editing your profile that says " Let only registered members see your profile." I am guessing you will at least have to have a profile to see it.. I could be wrong. That probably would not stop the icon photo from showing up though.
Post a couple good pictures, do not worry about your looks.. there is someone for everyone in the world. G

Mindmelter​(dom male) • Feb 16, 2020

For me a mask serves two purposes. First, I see wearing one as a turn on, and second, it helps with hiding one’s identity from those better off not knowing it. As for the whole confidence thing, I think the people here talking about self improvement are correct. I will tell you right now that being passive around others, while something I do throughout my life, does NOT make me a happy person at all. TL;DR, I’ve been taught all my life to be a people pleaser, and for once I want to be the one being pleased. I don’t care if that sounds self-serving or whining. It’s the truth.

DaddysLilPrincessSub​(sub female) • Feb 16, 2020

I would post what your comfortable posting, while some may feel that pushing out of your comfort zone is a good thing and I tend to agree, to each their own.

With that being said as a sub and reading this post, I would be afraid to agree with you as my dom just because you don't seem confident and confidence plays a big part when making your sub feel safe and protected. NO offense intended, just my opinion. Good luck and I hope you find the answers your searching for.

Mindmelter​(dom male) • Feb 16, 2020

I appreciate your honesty. Being able to make a sub, or anyone else in my life, feel safe is one key goal in my life that I want to accomplish. I want to change for the better and become a person who can hold their head up high.

sweet november​(sub female) • Feb 16, 2020

Maybe work on your confidence before you use the title "Dom" ...i say this because....just as in, for example---couples figure skating...the female has to have trust that the male won't drop her. This means the male (in figure skating example) has to have confidence in his abilities.

Or...in your profile...YES...put a pic with a mask on, why not? It's sexy and mysterious and confident! Put in your profile that you are a Dom but are looking for someone with patience while you learn the role that best suites you as each Dom and sub are not alike.

Or, maybe you might try being a switch for a bit. It's another way to learn.

No shame in any of these replies..I see honesty and wisdom.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Feb 19, 2020

@lord of pain

You didn't say anything a out being ashamed the OP did.


I also never said anything about everyone being out.


Stop putting words in my mouth.

My pic isnt here because it doesnt matter to me.
I have no feelings one way or the other about it. For me - it isnt pushing a boundary. I posted nudes on fetlife. That was pushing a boundary for me at the time.
Which is why I did it.
It is also why I dont feel a need to do it here. Been there done that for me.

On the flip side. I am out. To everyone.

Justme26 • Feb 19, 2020

First of all do what ever is right for you.

This interested me because: I have all ways posted a photo of my face on my profiles and I have never worried about it. I am not brave at all and when I look in the mirror I see a gargoyle, so make what you like of that.

Two points: 1. If someone recognised my photo on here and decided to gossip about it, well they would have to all so admit that they were using the same site, and would embrues themselves as much as me. If I lost my job then presumably they would loose theres as well.

2. I might be a shallow basterd but I do not consider any agreement finalised until I know what the other person looks like. We can talk for months but if I have not seen a photo then they might not bee for me. If you meet someone in a public place and do not know what they look like pria to meeting then that can be embarrassing for both of you. (If you do not want a photo on your profile then maybe send one privately, early on).