Punishment

Punishment

Island girl​(sub female){Yes owned.} • Mar 1, 2020

I know that there are folks here that are in favor of using physical punishments and those that aren't. I would like to hear your views on the subject.

My Master very rarely uses punishment. When He does, He uses a hairbrush. A big, hardwood, long-handled hairbrush that I absolutely HATE. This is never used now for a first offense. He only uses it when I repeat a negative behavior. It is discussed between us and I need to understand why I am being punished, first by Him, and then by explaining it myself out loud, and we agree what the transgression was and that punishment is necessary. If I don't agree or understand what He is telling me, then we need more discussion before any punishment will take place.

The most obvious example that I remember was a time when He sent me to the post office to purchase some stamps. He asked for a specific number of stamps of a specific denomination. I came back with something different than what He asked for. He told me to get the hairbrush. I originally thought I was doing Him a favor by getting something that I thought He needed more. He pointed out that what He required of me was my obedience and for me to disobey His direct order was a symptom of a larger issue. He then proceeded to list a few other recent occasions where similar things had occurred and I had to agree with Him. I accepted my punishment as deserved. I hated it. It is no pleasure for me when I know that I have disappointed my Master to the extent that He feels that punishment is required. The use of the hairbrush is also no pleasure to me. The sensation is anything but sensual to me. He has explained to me in the past that He uses the hairbrush to “clear the air” and that it allows Him to put the issue behind us both so that we can begin again with a clean slate. This isn’t just for His benefit, I also tend to dwell on my wrong-doings without some sort of resolution or catharsis so the hairbrush helps us both.

There have been times when I have displeased Him and He has not used the hairbrush. I dread those times. The psychological punishment I mete out to myself for displeasing Him is far worse than anything He can do with a hairbrush and can last for days, AND, it impacts my ability to serve Him because I am focused on my failings rather than my service to Him. That isn’t healthy for either of us.

Sometimes, though, Master has to think through exactly what is going on and figure it out before He can talk to me about it.

Sometimes, Master walks away to give me time to think about something that I’ve done and expects me to figure it out and then come and tell Him. I had difficulty with it at first, for years now I realize, because I saw it as nothing more than a denial of affection, a rejection, and I didn’t understand why or what He wanted from me. I was too focused on what I had lost rather than what I wasn’t giving HIM. Now I see it as the valuable learning tool it is. I know that I am loved and I know that I am treasured, and I recognize that I have to do some soul searching to determine what the issue truly is. He may not know what is wrong, only that something is, and it is my job to figure it out as well as exactly what it was that I did wrong. When I figure it out, I return to Him to give Him the information. This is the best way to keep me from repeating my mistake, for ME to do the work. Now I understand that He has me do this for the benefit of both of us, and I no longer see it as a punishment, just a tool to help me along the path. This work I do in my isolation is far more useful than the hairbrush now.

I also realize that my transgressions now, when they occur, tend to be issues of pride, I think. Rather than focusing on Master, I get caught up in what I’m doing even if it is something He tells me to do. I’m working on it, and it is a more challenging issue for me as most things I do here require focus to do them correctly.
So, I’m working to find ways to internalize my need to obey Him before anything else I may be doing. If anyone has any suggestions, I would love to hear them. I have a sutra I recite at least daily. I have a hypnosis script that I listen to daily. I spend time with Him often and I journal daily as well on topics such as this.

Misterasmodai​(dom male) • Mar 1, 2020

Being a sadist, I definitely punish often and creatively.
My punishment styles differ from sub to sub, but there is always some level of boundary pushing and development. A punishment without development is a wasted opportunity.

I enjoy degradation and humiliation punishments, as well as incorporating punishment into role play; CNC or otherwise.

I also use corporal punishments, spanking, flogging, caning.
In my more intense dynamics, punishment may take the form of extended scenes of torture.

The most important takeaways, in my opinion, are ensuring that the punishment is meaningful, and that it is suited to the sub.

DrWakko • Mar 1, 2020

I am all for punishments, but i am not a fan of pain punishments. First one should never hit when they are mad (thats called abuse). I also don't believe as pain as punishment because being spanked when bad and being spanked when good during play might trigger something. It could mess up someones head if they are having problems separating punishment spankings from play spankings.

If I punish I give them a "time out" let them sit in a corner or away from me, where they might be able to see me, but they won't can't talk to me. After the time out is over then we sit down and talk about why they received a time out and what they can do to correct what ever it is they did to receive the time out. Time outs work great on brats. Since brats want the attention by giving them a time out you are taking that attention away from them.

Another reason why I don't like the pain as punishment is what happens if you inflicted a pain punishment and find out that the reason you gave the punishment was wrong. They didn't do what you thought they did.

Also pain punishment if they are a masochist? Thats like punishing a 13 year old boy with a Playboy. "you've been bad, get ready for something you enjoy."

Erick​(sub male) • Mar 1, 2020

Your submission is so beautiful that just hearing your thoughts about it is inspiring--not to mention erotically exciting. I suppose your Master knows how lucky he is.

I am not a lovely lady like yourself, so there has never been a big selection of dominant people lining up for the chance to tell me what to do. The pickins are usually pretty slim for submissive males. But even if I were a lovely lady, I don't know if I could ever become as exquisitely obedient as you are. I think I am constitutionally too selfish, willful, lazy, stubborn, and all the rest. A real reprobate. Certainly a tough nut to crack. But maybe I've just never been punished enough.

Not long ago I belonged for a while to a very exacting Domina who punished me in a number of ways, and for all kinds of reasons. Including her own mistakes. I was her Personal Whipping Boy. So whenever she screwed up anything in her own life, it was always my fault and it was my job to suffer for it. Not that I'm complaining. I'm a pervert, and such arrangements seem perfectly reasonable to me.

Plus: When the fault was ACTUALLY mine, it would naturally be even worse.

It doesn't work so well for submissive ladies, but for submissive guys, there is a foolproof punishment that always causes great distress. No looking at porn or anything sexy. And no cummies. Simple.

And I never liked that kind of punishment at all. In general, I would rather take a beating than to have such ordinary pleasures of life completely denied to me.

But she once beat me so savagely with a heavy wooden paddle that it was definitely much worse than not having any sexual pleasure. (I had been thinking too much. Sort of like you and the postage stamps. And thinking was not my job, and she did not approve of me thinking.) It was a brutal beating that left me very bloody, so that I had to bandage myself up for nearly a week, and I could only move around very gingerly. It made me very frightened of ever making her that angry again. So it was a very educational experience, and I don't think anything non-violent could have had as much of an effect on me.

IowaDom​(dom male) • Mar 1, 2020

Personally, I do not believe in using pain as a punishment in an adult relationship. Now flogging, paddling, whatever during playtime is playtime, we both talked about it, we know the limits, we respect them, and its mutual, safe, and consensual. But inflicting pain just to be causing pain... thats not protective, nurturing, guiding, or teaching... thats getting off on hurting somebody for real..... not my cup of tea.

AngelBunny • Mar 1, 2020

You mentioned focusing as a challenge and what you did with the stamps seems impulsive. If those are you issues, I don't think punishment is going to be helpful. Practicing mindfulness is something that can help with increasing focus. You are also going to need concrete, very detailed instructions written down for you and probably multiple reminders. Omega 3 is something over the counter that helps with concentration and memory. I hope that I'm on the right track with what's going on and those suggestions are helpful. If not, I hope you are able to figure something out that will be more effective.

I'm new to all this but this topic is making me think of a Parent/Child dynamic and if a parent just simply punishes a child for disobedience and doesn't bother understanding the underlining issues of their disobedience then they will cause more harm than good.

Island girl​(sub female){Yes owned.} • Mar 3, 2020

As I've mentioned before, Master and I always discuss the issue completely before any punishment is delivered. Call it a failing of mine if you like, but the punishment itself also allows me to release what I have done wrong rather than dwell upon it. Before the punishment happens, we have already discussed the issue, anything surrounding it, and any resolution necessary. Mind you, this happens very rarely. We're talking maybe once a year or two if that. Luckily, I'm not a child and I will always understand the underlying issues of my disobedience.

We would both be happiest if He never had to punish me for disobedience again. Sometimes, though, I just forget. I'm human, I have a million other thoughts running through my head running a business and a farm, and painting at the same time. I keep lists, believe me, I keep lists. Keeping Him and what He wants forefront in my mind is what I need to do. I was hoping that others might have helpful suggestions.

I think the comment about mindfulness is right on. I am working on that as well. My default should always be, will this please Master, or is this what Master would do? 99.6% of the time, my judgment is spot on. It's just the other .4% that makes it hard to sit down!

IowaDom​(dom male) • Mar 3, 2020

There is no failing Island Girl, your dynamic is what you two want and build together, all we can do is say what would be right for us, not you, so in that there can be no failing.

AngelBunny • Mar 3, 2020

It's definitely understandable that from time to time you will forget things with everything you have on your plate. I find that mindfulness helps with being present in the moment and being able to observe thoughts/emotions without reacting to them. I'm constantly in my head daydreaming, worrying or brooding about something and find it hard to stay on top of mundane tasks. That's just how my brain is wired and I can improve and manage it better but I will never be someone who can perfectly remember to do things.