Helping Him

Helping Him

Jolene​(sub female){PapaBear} • Mar 15, 2020

My husband and I recently went on a 10 day trip with our new truck and travel trailer. It was our first long trip. While we were out, I accidentally slid the front of our truck against a pole and it left a significant scratch. Then the trailer's shower started leaking everywhere. THEN a man slammed on his brakes in front of us on the way home and we bumped his trailer hitch, bending our bumper. Thankfully the man said that he hadn't taken any damage and we split ways with a handshake, but our bumper is noticably warped. Needless to say, the hubby is a bit frayed. He's coming across and calm and collected, but he's not being his animated and overly affection self, and his patience is thin where it would otherwise not be. I want to help him feel better, or at least not so tense, but I don't know what to do. He's too distracted for physical release, I've tried that, and he seems unfazed by affection. If tried feeding him, but he's not responsive to that either. I don't know what to do. I've basically just been silent and following his orders without hesitation, but that's all. It seems so simple to pull me out of a funk, but I have no idea what to do right now.

Please help.

-Jo

SchrodingersDinosaur​(switch female) • Mar 15, 2020

You are doing it, dear. If you are permitted open speech, maybe gently let him know you are available for whatever he needs, then let him be the Dominant. You trust him to take care of you, trust him to take care of himself. If he needs something from you, he will ask for it. I know it's hard not to try to do something, anything, trying to solve his problems aren't likely what he wants from you. Trust his Dominance.
Much luck, Jo. - Henna

JD Dom​(dom male) • Mar 16, 2020

I know what would work for me. test this against what you know of him and yourself.
If you two are into S&M, take out his favorite impact tool. Crawl naked across the floor to him and offer it up, saying "Master, the tension inside you hurts me more than the stings of this lash/paddle/cane do. I offer you my body to vent your frustration out on and please don't stop until you are completely satisfied."
That would work for me, but I'm a sadist so it would touch me deepest down spots. I would also be amazed at my slave for thinking so hard for a way to make me feel better. It would cause me to put a deposit in her "love-bank". Good luck.

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • Mar 16, 2020

JD,

Along those same lines, I use my Brat Twin in the same way. When Sir is being a stiff lipped twad, I whip out the brat to provide for him a "target" he can dominate.

Sometimes the world Just. Doesn't. Listen and the Dom is left fustraited and powerless to the point of teeth grinding. As a sub, it is my duty to provide an outlet for him, and in the case of my Dom with his 26 years in SFG, I have to step between him and the innocent community at large.

For example, he was in the hospital awaiting a triole bypass. The man has faced down the world's deadliest terrorists, yet, he is petrified if being operated on and after psycing himself up, his surgery for postponed. He was pissed! Pissed to the point that he had to be sedated. I hadn't been able to be there and so when I found out, via text, I knew what needed to be done. I laughed. I teased. I scoffed at him that for once, the world recognised his dominance and he was pissed at what they did to control him. Once his attention is fully on me and he finally got creative enough to find something to threaten me with that freaks me out, I backed off and behaved like a frightened, compliant submissive Then we checked in. I asked if he's feeling better. He thanked me for my service and we returned to normal.

That is ONE example of how being a Brat is actually handy. Sometimes.....the LAST thing a Dom needs is a submissive. Sometimes, a Dom needs help feeling like they are in control again and that means providing something/ someone TO gain control over....not to maintain control over. That's different. It's the PROCESS if gaining control that is needed.

Bunnie • Mar 16, 2020

Perhaps rather than trying to guess, it could be an option to simply ask him if he needs anything from you, and if he does, what that may be.

Jolene​(sub female){PapaBear} • Mar 16, 2020

I took insight from MJD and ended up doing a bit of what SBD described. I playfully baited him until he finally snapped and grabbed me by the hair and yanked me onto the bed. We wrestled and laughed and (of course) his strength was superior, so he came out of it triumphant. He's not 100%, but he is noticably more relaxed.

I asked him a few times what I could do to help his mood and he said nothing, that it was just worldly frustrations and that they would pass, but I hate seeing him so gloomy. 😭

-Jo

Bishop​(dom male) • Mar 16, 2020

My mind is always processing things. I think the only time it stops spinning is when I’m sleeping, and even then I’m not so sure. When I struggle with things, it’s usually best if those around me just sit with me and let me struggle. If I need to talk, I hope they would listen and ask questions when I’m done. The worst thing a person can say to me is, “It’ll be ok.” I know it will, the struggle is just a matter of how I view the world and how reality is lining up together.