I'm with a switch?

I'm with a switch?

Vye The Bbw​(sub female) • Mar 22, 2020

I need some advice, I might come across as petty in this or selfish so I'm sorry ahead of time.
I have two sides, one that's very soft and cutesy and little. Another that wants to leave bruises and make you cry out her name. One you get because I respect you and because I'm in a relatively stable mood. The other derived from my need to release pent up anger and the fact that I probably do NOT value you.

Problem: The person I'm with says he is a daddy, but then he stated that sometimes I give off dom vibes and that basically he wants us to both switch around.
I on the other hand find that to be a really big turn off.
I want to submit to him, not be in charge of him. I'm only in my dom modes when I'm pissed off or if I really just don't care about the person, if I think they are weak.
I don't know how to even begin to explain that to him... I really care about him so I don't have it in me to be the dom he is asking for..
I really need help on this one. Please.

No Body​(dom male) • Mar 22, 2020

I have known a couple of switches and they have always had a Dom then a sub for them or at least someone they can dominate later when they feel the need. It is not easy for two switches to well be switches and live together. My ex wants a man to dominate her but she is in control with her women. If you want to be with him then he needs to step up and be your Dom and find a Dom outside for himself or both of you and a sub for both of you. It is something you both need to talk about long and hard. On a side note you have beautiful lips and a face to match.

WhiteRoses​(sub female) • Mar 22, 2020

I understand completely. I have a good bit of switch in me but I need my Dom to only be my Dom. This is one of those deep conversations that need to happen between the two of you. Sure there are options but I so can understand how it won't sit well with you to be able to Dom some one you look at as a Dom. And that is why there is no cookie cutter dynamic, we are all different.

Island girl​(sub female){Yes owned.} • Mar 28, 2020

Just my two cents, but I think Domming through the energy of anger or frustration is a Really Bad Idea. Having said that, I know that there is no one true way.

Azzabackam​(switch male){PawPawGirl} • Mar 29, 2020

"I don't know how to explain this to him."

Girl... you just did. In the post. Literally, the thing you said here. Say that to him. Show him the post if you need to.

As far as the actual split at hand, two things are at play:

1. A switch doesn't necessarily *need* both sides played to be fulfilled. It's just a part of being a switch, accepting that sometimes you find a partner that you can only play one role with. If someone *does* need both, they're typically up front about it.

2. Your domination seems to stem from a place of perceiving submission as a form of weakness. There are different styles of submission, and very few of them involve the sub being "weak" by any regard. Your previous experience with your Domme moods may come from that place, but there are other boundaries to push, other aspects to explore. Even if it doesn't sound appealing at first, I'd recommend opening up to the idea before trashing a relationship good enough that you seem reluctant to see it end.

MasterBear​(other butch) • Mar 30, 2020

I found your post particularly interesting.
If I'm reading this correctly, you are a
switch. Your partner also wants to switch. However you are having trouble viewing them in a 3-dimensional light.

This post was all about what you want which normally I applaud. However, I'm going to push back on this one.


Why is it okay for you to want to switch but not them?

Why are you insistent on viewing them in a single dimensional light?

If you are emotionally attached to the idea that you're D type can only be a D type it is my personal opinion that you need to take a step back and grow up a little.

I think it is an honorable thing that people are able to be switches. And it sounds like to me that your partner is much more emotionally advanced.


If you have issues viewing D types in three-dimensional ways then I think you need to take a big step back and look at how you emotionally View and treat your partners.


To me this speaks of something deeper then BDSM and play and rolls and identities.


What this says to me is when somebody is in a role in your life they have no right to be in other roles as well.

djinni​(dom female){smplylaura} • Mar 30, 2020

Dominance should not come out of a need to release anger.... that scares me for whomever you are topping.
Those that top should also be aware of what they are doing and doing things in a fit of anger is not safe and you could hurt someone. You also say that you don't value someone, so possibly you do not care.

If someone were to ask me if they should bottom to someone as you describe yourself, I would tell them to run as far and as fast as possible. I know that during play I (or most any dominant) can and do often feign that lack of emotion, but the truth is that we value the person who has offered their body and soul in submission. Ask yourself if you'd want to be treated this way when you are in bottom space. Would you put yourself in a position of offering yourself to someone who held you in little regard and was acting out of anger? Being a dom only when you are pissed off isn't being a dom... it's being a dick. Sounds as though you need anger management and a mentor in the lifestyle.

Honestly, this isn't the point of the thread and others have touched on many intuitive and thoughtful points. It seems you've removed your profile, hopefully if or when you return you take some advice.