Being born as a Dominant vs Becoming a Dominant, over time, with help

Being born as a Dominant vs Becoming a Dominant, over time,

DeviousMaster​(dom male) • May 9, 2020

Hello everyone!


Based on My last interactions with some subs/slaves females, I have reached to the conclusion that I was not born this way nor any other Dom/Master `in the market` was.

I can tell that a lot of subs/slaves are brainwashed, with a conditioned mind, being bamboozled without really knowing that the power is in their hands, and somehow, `the alphas` are taking advantage of that, and I`m not really cool with that as it creates some abuse, a fucked up society, which is already fucked up way too much.

So, basically, it is 50%/50%, right?...as you can`t call yourself a Dominant without the existence of a sub/slave and vice versa...which brings Me to the next question, for the religious ones: can God be a female or a transgender? ...I mean, who decided,who had the final word,that God should be man and not a woman?
The process of giving birth looks fucking terrifying,in terms of pain,we also came from that,how the fuck did we took that away from them?Trough violence?I think so.

Any thoughts?

Cheers!

skyrich​(dom male){rottenbrat} • May 9, 2020

Born this way? No. Born with the potential to become this way? Yes, that potential was molded by experience and training.

There are always those who will take leadership, (dominance), and those who choose to be lead, (submit). This goes beyond mere kink and bdsm. If you're interested, my blog article, "The Struggle" goes into this a bit.

As to your second question, I'll take that bait. In my religion, God is the Eternal Father. We are literally his children. But how can he be father, and we children without a mother? Therefore, our Father has a wife, an eternal companion, our Mother. It only makes sense. We are created, male and female, in their image.

annabellestasia​(sub female) • May 9, 2020

The idea that every woman should kneel before & call every guy “Sir” who approaches her is about as outdated as the idea that god is Male!

Firstly, not once did God appear in physical form but we as human beings find it difficult to visualise an infinite concept. And as most are programmed to associate leadership with men, the whole reference to “him” thing happened!

Secondly, I have lost count of the amount of people who have suggested I’m not particularly “sub-like” because I initially converse with them as I would in the “real world”. i.e. I’m going to get to know you as and if I decide my gift of submission is worth giving and only after we have agreed both of our expectations, will I ever kneel before you.

But what do I know... Perhaps that’s why I’m thus far “Domless” 😂

LaVieEnRose​(sub female){Kintsugi} • May 9, 2020

I think any Dom who expects a sub/slave to just drop to her knees saying yes Sir/Master after a few conversations need to check their priorities >.< I’ve encountered it a few times and even one time got called a “slut” and a “bitch” because I wouldn’t take him seriously. I mean no water off my back really but I worry about younger more naive subs/slaves getting caught in their BS.

In regards to God, I can understand using Him/Her as just a general way to address the idea of God but while I am not maybe particularly religious, I border more on the spiritual aspects of my religion, we do not produce images of God therefore in theory God is genderless in my eyes.

Xx🥀

tallslenderguy​(other male) • May 9, 2020

i think it's a good quesition... and i seem to say that often. Probably because i like being and people who are in a state of questioning vs a state of already knowing. It seems to me that we stop looking and listening once we 'know,' Life and its components seems fluid to me, so it makes sense to me that looking and listening is living.

i do see a connection to all of that and the OP's query. There seems to be something in us that confers a sort of authority or conclusiveness to being born __________, vs becoming? We even have fall back arguments like: "I can't help it, I was born that way," as though birth confers immutability (and i am not saying it doesn't in some instances, idk, it seems to depend?). Most rivers seem to hold their main course for a lifetime, with some shifts along the way, but seem to end up in the same place, unless a major earthquake changes them in a big way. Are our personal attributes similar?

Like skyrich, i see us as born with potential or leaning.

i do not know of any studies subtantiating this one way or the other, our ideas of D/s seem anecdotal. my feelings and ideas about D/s are based on my and others subjective experiences.

Growing up, i had a lot of bullies in my life. my retrospective views and feelings are different from those i experienced while being bullied, and in between too. I.e., they have evolved. These days i can 'clearly see' immature dom's in a lot of my bullies, and immature sub in me. Now i can see how these dom kids bullied me kind of like the boy who punches the girl he likes in the schoolyard because he doesn't understand or know what to do with his feelings. i can trace my first childhood D/s experience back to age 7 (both of us were that age).

i do think our propensities start early, if not at birth. Also, i am not certain birth is the beginning? When does life begin? Do the genes in the mothers egg or fathers sperm contain some of these attributes or inclinations? Or step back further, as some cultures teach, are we reincarnated bringing attributes from prior lifetimes? It's all belief as far as i can tell, sure knowledge is of origin is not readily available (if at all?).

So it seems we are left with what is more than knowing where it originated. For me, it's okay to see and hear what is and live with that, though i seem to always want to know more ("deeper, deeper?" lol). i am grateful for opposites that attract, and very grateful for those who want to experience those things in depth.

"God?" Which one? Even the Judeo/Christian God has questionable gender for God? As one story goes God said in the beginning: "let us make man in our image." Following the same story, it seems what God created had male and female in the original "image" and then that was further divided into male and female. Just one of many reads, but i think it's one of the more fun ones for God to have some of everything lol. Personally, i don't know enough to know if there is a "God," let alone the various components or attributes.

Did i add anything but random thoughts to this discussion? lol

once orchid{None} • May 9, 2020

I haven't met many Dominants, but have had deeper conversations and only one actual in person interaction. What I notice is many think every woman should serve them, a few believe they are a demi-God and there are one or many who pride themselves on abandonment and games. Out of the lifestyle, they would be or are still up to the same nonsense so it really comes down to those who were genuinely born with the innate sense of self yet understand they only truly become a Dominant once submission is given, are born. I am certain that it can be learned, but there is a fine line with everything.

There are real, wonderful Dominants out there, born and learned.

You raise a great question and I raise a glass! Xo

tallslenderguy​(other male) • May 9, 2020

" it really comes down to those who were genuinely born with the innate sense of self yet understand they only truly become a Dominant once submission is given, are born"

Wow, i love this explanation, that Dominance is born out of submission.

DaddyDrago​(dom male){LilAmethys} • May 10, 2020

The age old question, "What is a dominant?" comes to mind.

How do we define dominance?
Is it has been suggested as being shown as bullies?
Is it only present when a submissive kneels and says, "You are my dominant. I choose to align myself with your journey" ?
Is it when a person says, "I am dominant"?

I am of the school of thought that dominance is born of character traits that culminate into an individual that can responsibly manage their life and therefore has the evidenced proof of being capable of being responsible for aiding another's life.

I would dare say no one is born with that.
Which child is born with compassion? Or, patience? Or, kindness? Or, stability? Or, consistency?
Aren't all of these, and several more, markers of healthy dominance?

Oh, there are those who may innately be more inclined to have the characteristics to be more honest, have more integrity, have trustworthiness as a matter of birth. Those would be awfully difficult to find and see within life (as often life experiences then may tear down and erode such natural gifts or conversely bolster) and there is no saying that same individual would still choose to be dominant and not submissive.

That leads to the existential question......................were we destined to be as we are? Could we be anything but given our journey's and how they looked?
I would say yes and no.
We are who we are as evidenced by us being ourselves. Destined to be so though? Where is free will choice in that design?

SO, to answer the OP's question, No I don't believe we can be born dominant. Being dominant is a set of characteristics that are culminated through life's experiences. Yes, many come to dominance and couldn't imagine being anything else given the set of circumstances with which they lived through their experience in life (I would consider myself in this space). There are just as much truth to another personality walking the same road traveled as me and ending up submissive in nature.

I believe it comes down to innate choice. What we each FEEL we must be to be true to our deepest nature. Maybe that was created before time even began. Maybe we were always destined to be who we are. The truth is we can't know that reality today with any empirical facts. The best we can say is we are dominant or submissive respectively because we believe we need to be to be our truest self.

As to the theology..............in almost any religion I have ever witnessed 'God' is a spirit. 4th dimensional. Beyond space and time. Our finite minds wrapping around an infinite concept is more than lost on us...........let alone putting that 'God' in a box neatly packaged as male or female. Why can't they be both? Or, none of the above? Why do we feel the need to bring 'God' down to our level so we can understand? If we understand where is faith? Some things aren't meant to be understood, just believed.

To your point though, I would agree that dominance and submission is a 50/50 existence. A reciprocal power exchange. Both must have power to be able to exchange it.
I would disagree that you can't be dominant without a submissive. Or submissive without a dominant. We are who we are regardless. HOW that is manifest, the permission we are given within the context of a dynamic changes the depth with which we are allowed to show who we are, I accept that.
However, those things that are considered dominance responsible, trustworthy, integrity, confidence, stable, compassionate, patient all of those traits require no dynamic to be present in order to walk in and live within as a dominant figure.
Conversely, some of those same traits and various others allow submissives to walk within their submission in everyday life without the precursor of a dynamic. Kindness, helpfulness, consideration, servitude, compassion (and several more) are all everyday characteristics of submission that needs no approval to exist.

I do, conversely, agree with blueeyesgirl............we may be dominant in nature that doesn't make us dominant to anyONE without permission in the sense of dominating in an individual's life. Consent is still a necessary component before we are considered dominant in anyone person's life.

House Talion​(dom male) • May 10, 2020

I dont beleive anyonenis specifically born as a Dom or sub, but what we experience within our lives as individuals would determine if you're a leader or a follower and as I've seen theres a lot of different kinds of followers

No Body​(dom male) • May 10, 2020

Hmmmm was I born this way or made???? Well I think it is both as I was not born with a knife or gun in my hand but I can use both. I was not born knowing how to do most of the things I can do but I learned it. I was not born knowing how to find the right spots to made a woman moan or giggle but I sure learned how. That brings up the question If I can learn why can't other guys learn???? I was told she like rope play so I am learning. My daughter asked if I had a tat with her or her sisters name. You don't have to tell me I need to get one. Been a daddy long enough to know what she was telling me. Do Doms ever get Dommed? When they have daughters they do! Was I taught to be a daddy?? Yes and no. Watching my grandfather I learned what to do and watching my step father I learned what not to do. So being what and who I am to n extent is taught and given at birth. I love being a Daddy and a Dom and there is nothing I would change other than doing it all over again.