Being born as a Dominant vs Becoming a Dominant, over time, with help

Switch/ predominantly a dominant

Scarlet Red​(other female){Hunting fo} • May 10, 2020

Ok first off, I'm a switch but have only been for 10 years....for the past 20 years living the life, I'm predominantly dominant. I definitely wasn't born with this but it was always there in the background of my life...learned behavior....I have 6 older brothers...go figure right? And yes I'm dominant in my entire life not just with a partner...it took a very patient and caring, compassionate Dom to bring me into my subspace....and even though I may be a switch, ITS NOT A SWITCH THAT CAN TURN ON AND OFF, like so many have the misconception. I will not bow down to any Dom or master, you have to earn my sub state. It's funny how many Dom's hit me up literally tell me how intriguing I am and this and that but the minute I try to conversate as an equal Dom they shut it down... basically if I'm not going to be a possible sub for them then it's not worth their time...I'm sorry but I'm really worried about the state of our community of sub and slaves....they either truly are brainless or the act that way bc they don't want to be without a Dom or Master....this is why my dominant side is so predominant bc I'm not going to shut my mouth and kneel before ANYONE just bc they are a man and happen to carry the title Dom or Master....Shit I carry that title too so are you going to kneel to me then? No? I didn't think so...so why is it expected that I do? I may be a Dom but I definitely don't want to be worshipped or put on a fucking pedestal I want to spread knowledge of this lifestyle not degrade it or break someone down or their spirit. I only thrive when my sub thrives. And I only use the term my sub if and when a concesual agreement is made between us, and I never lock them down..ever...I'm not a jealous person either so if my sub finds another that is true to expanding them and adding to their lives as a sub, they are free to leave...it's that simple for me but since I really care and nurture my relationship with my subs, I ALWAYS MAKE SURE that the Dom or master I'm releasing them to is really true to taking their interests at heart and not just a piece of shit that wants to train and degrade them like a dog or garbage....and the ones who are truly a Dom or master are getting really scarce...yeah you can call yourself a Dom or a master all you want but you'll never truly be one if all you care about is yourself and what your getting from the other person...just plain selfish...or just to control. That's not how this works but it's gotten so blurred these days it's tiring...and scary bc again the young ones need our giudence and training...to be nurtured so they can truly find themselves and plant their feet on the ground...not just swinging wildly not knowing who they are or even what they like....not to be just a fucking brainless sex slave or beaten down to the point they're actually being abused and literally not knowing it.
As far as the God question...I believe we're stardust and in the end we'll return to the universe. And I'm not going to get into anymore about it bc religion is a very touchy subject.
Get to know yourself truly and deeply and only through that love you have for yourself will you be able to truly know what you want out of this lifestyle and where you stand in this sea of leather and cuffs
Ever so sweet, Scarlet Red

LaceCorset​(sub female){Not lookin} • May 10, 2020

Hmmm my natural disposition is dominant and outgoing but I find pleasure and release in being controlled by the right man (ie Brat). I think some people may be naturally born to be assertive and have strong personalities but when it comes to a deep personal relationship such as D/s it requires maturity, empathy and respect not just primal instincts.

I’m cautious of anyone who claims to be an Alpha male. A true Alpha doesn’t need to tell anyone he/she is an Alpha.

It’s complicated, but in my opinion it is not a born disposition but a comfort/pleasure zone acquired.

~L

NCarraway​(dom male) • May 10, 2020

...._Wow, i love this explanation, that Dominance is born out of submission.[/quote]_

I disagree with this ... its fluffy nonsense ... its the sort of claptrap that inexperienced D-types tout to inexperienced s-types to make themselves sound sage-like and wise.

Am I Dominant only in your presence? Do I stop becoming dominant when you leave the room. How will you become attracted to me if I do not display dominant traits? Am I only dominant to the one who submits to me? If I am the Dominant and you leave me, does that mean I am no longer a Dominant?

The truth is that all of us exhibit a range of traits, some of those are dominant, some of those are submissive, some are neither. Some of those traits are core characteristics and do not change rapidly in response to external factors (stress, people we are around, scenario). Can you change these core characteristics over time? If you are determined to unpick programming and to put yourself in uncomfortable mind-sets, absolutely.

The things that make me dominant, or to apply the label from this lifestyle ... A Dominant, are these core characteristics. These core characteristics are inside me, they do not depend on anyone else. I take ownership of them and I have the agency to change them.

Dominance is not born out of submission

Not particularly 'sub-like' ...

NCarraway​(dom male) • May 10, 2020

I think, miss A, if you are coming across as 'not particularly sub-like' then you are probably doing the right thing. Certainly, men who say that sort of thing seriously misunderstand this lifestyle. We are all individuals, we are all unique. If they cannot 'see' you, if they cannot 'see' your submission, or spark it, then they are not for you. Stay true to yourself and filter them out.

Made

ThirtyFourPointFive • May 10, 2020

I had to think this one over, but I was for sure "made" and not born.
I was made partly by a bartender who had a severe love for oral that opened my eyes to something new.
I was made partly by a natural submissive who's devotion and dedication woke me to whom I really was.
And partly by a beautiful intelligent wife who was a pain in the ass but nearly a perfect partner in all other ways.
All these relationships ended in a Trainwreck but I have not given up looking for the one that will be beside me when I close my eyes for the last time.

Crow​(dom male) • May 10, 2020

Leaders are people born with certain traits in an environment that presents them with opportunities to develop and master those skills naturally or by design.

"Born this way? No. Born with the potential to become this way? Yes, that potential was molded by experience and training." Skyrich

As for the other part of the query who decides god is male, well contextually speaking the man has decided that. Objectively, I am still to be convinced if such an entity exists.

Literate Lycan​(dom male) • May 10, 2020

We are born to be predisposed to certain things. Life experiences, mentoring, education and self determination make up the rest. To say someone is not born Dominant is taking away their perspective and implying you are correct. You aren’t when you’re referring to me or any like me. And I’m not alone nor unique in that fashion. I was born and my entire life I’ve have a yearning to be better for myself and others. I’m driven to lead and I didn’t know what that was until later in life. It’s the same for those who desire to submit to the right person. So you do you. If you were made Dominant, great. But a great many individuals simply have that innate calling inside them to be Dominant or submissive. And some are Switch depending upon who they are with, but I have zero experience with that, so I cannot really speak to it.

As some of the others have indicated or implied, I do believe most of us are born predisposed to being who we become. Yes, many individuals go through life traumas early on that may set the stage for how they interact. But I had no life traumas so to speak. I will say I agree with NCarraway above that I believe the comment Dominance is born out of submission is claptrap. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? The one cannot really exist without the other. As I’ve alluded to before: Yin and Yang. One circling the other, but specific to each other.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • May 10, 2020

i think you make salient points of clarification, but i still love the explanation and do not think it's "fluffy" or "nonsense," i think it's beautifully illustrative.

i do admit that the original comment resonated with me emotionally and Your comments have pushed that response into my frontal lobe to mix it with reason, but i do think it is reasonable (a response/result, i think, that is an ironic example of what You call "claptrap").

Being "born" (or birth) depends on two separate entities, requiring both seed and egg (i may stretch the analogy here, considering it as i write, but i'm going to run with it and see where it goes?). For me, your comments do raise the eternal question of "which came first, the chicken or the egg," but the ongoing existence of each relies on the other and the process of being "born."

"Am i only Dominant in your presence?" No, you can have a whole harem, that 'i' may never be a part of.

"Do I stop becoming dominant when you leave the room?" This seems another question that has been posited forever: "if a tree falls in the forest and there is no-one there to hear it, does it make a sound?" It did strike me that you used the word "becoming" vs. being.

"How will you become attracted to me if I do not display dominant traits? Am I only dominant to the one who submits to me? If I am the Dominant and you leave me, does that mean I am no longer a Dominant?" These questions, as well as the preceding, all seem to narrow down to one question to me: Does Your Dominance depend on an individual sub? i don't think so, i think Dominance finds its expression and ongoing existence in submission contained in individual subs ( i think the opposite is true as well).

Some choose monogamy, some do not, but we all cease to be born without the combination of the two. Thinking about that process in analogy is pretty fascinating to me. The individual Top ejaculates about 250 million sperm during sex, but only one makes it into the egg, so the Dom is in competition with Himself in that context. And, it is the 'egg' (so to speak) that determines which sperm gains access (submission?). From the two, a new Dom or sub... or versatile, is born, "exhibit[ing] a range of traits" of their predecessors as a new individual.

"The things that make me dominant, or to apply the label from this lifestyle ... A Dominant, are these core characteristics. These core characteristics are inside me, they do not depend on anyone else. I take ownership of them and I have the agency to change them."

i agree, mostly (not sure if everyone has the agency or ability to change, potential maybe? idk). To continue the analogy: Yeah, an individual, already born Dom can exist all alone, not depending on anyone else. But to me, that would be tantamount to Him spending His Dominance masturbating. To me, the wonder of D/s is that people have these "core characteristics" of opposite expression that attract us to each other and potentially effect a bond (bondage?), birthing something new by combining those core characteristics.

It takes penetration and insemination to trap clap.

Sir Don​(dom male){Not lookin} • May 10, 2020

I think that we are born as equals the genetic make up of our vanilla world families teaches us how we are going to become as we grow..
Whether we grow up rich or struggling ,or no money ... we all strive for something that is in our inner souls.... some of us have been predosed to be submissive some of us are taught by our submissive mothers... so we see what we want or don't want from her.. then we see from our fathers how we want to dominate or give in to the female/male..... so we are in training far long before we start thinking about relationships

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • May 11, 2020

But here is the question.....

Do it really matter? Does it matter if you were born or if you were raised? What matters is the now.

The question that matters is, "Who are you NOW?"

Why are we comparing with a measuring stick which is better, Alpha/Born/Raised/Dom? You aren't a bottle of whiskey. You are human beings who are unique and special and each of you is going to be valued FOR that uniqueness by the one who is attracted to that. You will be valueless to some and priceless to others.

You will also be someone's dominant AND someone's submissive.

Verbs and nouns is what this discussion is about. A firetruck doesn't cease to be a firetruck simply because there is no fire. It just IS.....