Being born as a Dominant vs Becoming a Dominant, over time, with help

to be or not to be

DeviousMaster​(dom male) • May 12, 2020

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I disagree with this ... its fluffy nonsense ... its the sort of claptrap that inexperienced D-types tout to inexperienced s-types to make themselves sound sage-like and wise.

Am I Dominant only in your presence? Do I stop becoming dominant when you leave the room. How will you become attracted to me if I do not display dominant traits? Am I only dominant to the one who submits to me? If I am the Dominant and you leave me, does that mean I am no longer a Dominant?

The truth is that all of us exhibit a range of traits, some of those are dominant, some of those are submissive, some are neither. Some of those traits are core characteristics and do not change rapidly in response to external factors (stress, people we are around, scenario). Can you change these core characteristics over time? If you are determined to unpick programming and to put yourself in uncomfortable mind-sets, absolutely.

The things that make me dominant, or to apply the label from this lifestyle ... A Dominant, are these core characteristics. These core characteristics are inside me, they do not depend on anyone else. I take ownership of them and I have the agency to change them.

Dominance is not born out of submission[/quote]








Well, I also disagree with what you have wrote.
It's not fluffy nonsense as it has a lot of sense actually,(if you put vanity aside), it's just a matter of acceptance.Domination is born out of submission and submission is born out of Domination, simple as that, same as you can't hear without the help of the ears, same as you can't see without eyes.

I do not consider Myself an inexperienced D-type nor that I'm insincere trying from My entire heart to gain some applause in this life, what you have called being a clap trap. I do also consider Myself being a sage-like and wise but only because I went through a lot of suffering and different experiences in this life, from which I've learned enough to understand at least what the word peaceful really means, and because some guys like Alan Watts or Sri Ramana Maharsi had some interesting thoughts, none of these to tout to inexperienced s-types.
Yet, I am more than sure that there is much more to be learned.

In terms of the subject of the thread, I guess it was obvious that I was referring to the term Domination between a sub and a Dom, as in a relationship, and not domination at work.
Yes, you are a dominant only in her/his presence otherwise you'll pour hot wax on your microwave, you'll do some bondage to the Tv or you'll force orgasm the fridge.
Yes, you do stop becoming Dominant after she/he lefts the room otherwise you'll dominate items with no feelings.
You will display dominant traits after she/he will open the gates, until then, 'you'll stay in the rain with or without an umbrella', unless you're straight violent which shows rape and weakness or unless the gates are already open and you're just lucky that she/he has submissive traits, with not so many filters involved, but only a huge craving, no matter what.
Yes, you are only Dominant to the ones who submits to you, otherwise, see the rape example.
If you are the Dominant the she/he will leave you, you'll still remain a Dominant, but a lonely one in search for a submissive, unless fridge, tv, microwave are cool for some fun.


In My opinion, the word dominance can relate only involved in a relationship between a Dominant and a sub, outside of it is totally useless, it creates chaos, wars, stress, vanity, anger, hatred, fear, etc, basically all the negative bull shit.And history can tell this, even the so beautiful NOW.



Dominance is born out of submission, submission is born out of Dominance.

skyrich​(dom male){rottenbrat} • May 12, 2020

Saying it over again doesn't make it any more true.

If you want to say that sexual dominance is born out of sexual submission... I suppose I could go along with that. But, having said that, I totally disagree with this:



I submit to authority greater than my own. I dominate in situations where my authority requires it. Dominate. Not domineer. There's a difference. Furthermore, I put it to you that you do the same. Do you not submit to the authority of a policeman? I don't know what you do for a living, but if you are in a position of leadership, then you most certainly dominate that position, whether you realize it or not.

You would not, could not attract a submissive unless you demonstrated dominant traits, whether you were conscious of it or not.

In my, (not so), humble opinion.. A dominant is first and foremost responsible. I invite you to read my blog post "Responsibility" for more information there.

All of that aside for a moment... Yes. It is not possible to be sexually dominant without a willing and compliant submissive -- unless rape is what you have in mind. But dominance and submission go way beyond the kink.

AngelBunny • May 12, 2020

@Everyone,

I'm loving this debate! The good old nature vs. nurture! The answer is it's both! I wasn't born depressed but I was born predisposed to be and put in the right environment it got triggered. It's pretty much the same with everything else. There are always exceptions but most things can be explained from a biosocial model.

I think you can be a dominant or a submissive outside of the dynamic, to a milder degree though. However, you do need someone in the vanilla world who is going to be willing to follow you or for a sub, someone you are willing to let lead.

We aren't capable of understanding "God" or the universe, we are all just doing our best to make sense of it. I look for universal truths that seem to transcend all religions and beliefs.

Why did dominance and religion get thrown together in this post? Oh because some wannabe Doms think they are god!


@Drago,

As always, you add an extra depth to it. I bow to you in Japanese fashion.

@SBS,

You are so right but I'm enjoying the clash of the Dominants!

MasterBear​(other butch) • May 12, 2020

"as you can`t call yourself a Dominant without the existence of a sub/slave and vice versa..."



No. Not true.
Dominant, submissive are identities.
They are internal.
You can be a single and a Dominant same with submissive.

Your internal identity is not a reflection of your relationship status.
Two different things.





which brings Me to the next question, for the religious ones: can God be a female or a transgender?




Why would G-d have a gender?
Gender is a societal construction used to create hierarchy of humanity.
G-d either has a gender or is without limits. Cant be both as gender in and of itself a limit.

sexual Domination

DeviousMaster​(dom male) • May 13, 2020

Sexual Dominance is born out of submission and sexual submission is born out of Dominance.


I do also submit to the 'authority', but not because I chose it, but because that's how the majority chose it. I don't want a bullet in My head nor do I want to go to prison to show that this so called authority really sucks(greater than your own?). Instead of that, I focus more on how to stay away from this and to have less and less contact with stupid rules, with less and less people around Me but only with open minded ones.
Outside sexual Domination, for Me personally, the word Domination has no meaning, I consider it useless and without any essence, as it comes from fear, frustration, with a touch of vanity.
I am a cam model where I do online Domination sessions for the ones who are really into that, I do also live Domination sessions, same, for the ones who are into that, so there is My position of leadership and where I use My brain Dominant side, but ouside of that, I am a big fun of equality, non competition, peacefullness, love, as We are all One made by/being whatever you want to call it God,Pure Energy, Water/Air/Oxigen.

I don't have to demonstrate anything to anyone in order to attract a submissive/slave, they will feel Me straight away, it's in the eyes, it's in the voice, it's in the disscutions that will come, and the bond will be created after that. It's all about energy waves, for the right ones, of course. I am not looking/searching for anyone, they will find Me.


And yes, you are right, dominance and submission go way beyond kink, that's why we are living in a fucked up world/planet.

skyrich​(dom male){rottenbrat} • May 13, 2020

But, in fact you *ARE* demonstrating it through your eyes, voice, discussion, etc. Dominance isn't about pulling out a flogger and wailing away on some hapless sub. It's in the way you walk, talk, and how you hold yourself out to the world.




Well... since I reject your premise, (that the world is f---ked up), I have to disagree with your conclusion as well.

~shrug~ Agree to disagree. We have differing world-views. Been a pleasure having the conversations though.

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • May 13, 2020

@rich,

I will say to you what I say to RB....

GET OUT IF MY HEAD!

The eyes, the walk, the talk...yes, that is dominance. It is strength that oozes out of someone like thick mud. Some women are scared of it and shy away, some are attracted to it.

DeviousMaster​(dom male) • May 13, 2020

Indeed! : )

veal • May 25, 2020

Good morning I'd like to to talk to you in private about more of what you are saying here please send me a message I will respond Hope to hear from you soon

Sasa​(dom female) • May 25, 2020

I guess I understood your concept of religions, but the idea of one or more gods is man-made. For them, against them in form of law and „ethically correct behavior of the respective society” and time ... it’s made by humans. So if you need a god it‘s what you think it is.

Same for D/s ... I believe we grow into what we are now, some more than others of course. I have problems if it comes to “true” this or that and what you say leads me into this direction. Its simply what we do with it, but probably I just haven’t seen something I would call “true” ... It should be fun, like a perfect dance. Simply takes time to find the right partner and get the knowledge .