The Phases of (brat) Submission

The Phases of (brat) Submission

skyrich​(dom male){rottenbrat} • May 9, 2020

As always, my standard disclaimer applies. See my blog for more information.

I've, of course, participated in the submission of more than a few girls, but recently I've had the opportunity of witnessing the process from a 3rd party perspective. Two people who I'm honored to call friends, (and you know who you are), have begun the dance.

By now, almost everyone has heard of the 5 stages or phases of grief, those being: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and finally Acceptance. It has occurred to me that submission follows a similar pattern. As in the grief pattern, not everyone will experience all 5 phases, nor are the phases linear in nature, (i.e. one doesn't progress from Denial to Anger to Bargaining, etc). I use the term "phases" because we seem to phase into and out of these different states, much like water can phase from liquid to solid and back again.

Without further ado

Denial
Much like in the corresponding grief pattern, this phase is a state of fear, numbness, and possibly shock. This phase is marked by phrases such as: "he can't possibly be interested in me", "It's a joke, he's playing games", and "I'm too scared to move!".

Denial helps the sub pace her feelings. It's natures way of letting in only as much as she can handle.

Meltdown
The corresponding grief pattern is Anger. But we all know that in the emotional subbie "meltdown" is the only way to describe this phase. As Yoda put it: "Anger comes from fear". During this phase, the subbie will strike out and attack other subs, snark off at her would-be master, accuse her friends, (who only want the best for her), of being subversive. She fears the loss of control that she sees looming on the horizon. Ironically, the meltdown is a structure which she holds on to. It provides her strength, and bridges the fear. The deeper the meltdown, the deeper her true feelings are for her new dom.

Bargaining
Characterized by phrases starting with "What if ...?" and "If only..." This phase, too, is driven by fear, guilt, and negativity directed inward. It's an attempt to remain in the past, to attempt to remain in her "comfort zone", even if that comfort zone is a sea of chaos. Often this phase will also involve actual bargaining with her dom-to-be, and we all know what that looks like. "You can't spank me for THAT! It's not FAIR!"

Fears, Hopes and Dreams
This phase opposes the Depression state of grief, because this is not a time of loss. In this phase the subbie becomes giddily shy. She'll circle the wagons of her close friends and family, and tell them of her hopes, dreams, and yes, her fears. She's centered squarely in the present, and her feelings are washing over her like waves of the sea. She may not know how to process these feelings and will consult her "sub club".

Acceptance
It is this phase where she, herself, finally comes to realize that she is well and truly caught. She finds her joy in kneeling, and realizes that "the only thing she had to fear was fear itself." As the collar locks around her lovely throat, (literally or figuratively), a sigh of contentment, fulfillment and happiness escapes her lips with a whispered, "yes, master."

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The astute reader will have noticed that the word "fear" appears in each of the above phases. The process of grief is triggered by loss. While fear doesn't trigger the process of submission, it's a big part of it, (at least where the brat is concerned.) The struggle of submission is never really between the dom and sub. Nope. It's always and squarely between her head and her heart.

sweet to brat • May 9, 2020

Wow thanks for sharing this! As a newbie with severe brat tendencies..this was an interesting read

skyrich​(dom male){rottenbrat} • May 9, 2020

@sweet to brat

Thank you. You might also want to read my blog entries for more information.

AngelBunny • May 10, 2020

I love it when people make connections like these! I think though any sub who is strong-willed and/or struggles with trust issues would go through these phases. I guess it depends on one's definition of a brat. I don't consider myself a brat but perhaps others would. And just like with the stages of grief, I'm guessing it can cycle over with each new element that is added to their submission.

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} • May 10, 2020

@skyrich,

Well done, grasshopper! A FANTASTIC description of our process. You have done your own brat, and her pack, proud!

FearlessBrat​(sub female){H.PL.} • May 10, 2020

As a strong and independent woman. Always in control and relying only on herself....the though of suddenly giving away the control is terrifing. I knew and know that my walls are very high and putting my trust and my well-being into someone's hands; even the thought of it is petrifying.
Thank you for writting and sharring with us.
It made me understand that the numbers of limits that I have is not pickiness but in fact pure fear.

xlilbratbaex​(sub female){Owned} • May 10, 2020

It makes me feel good knowing that the emotions I went through seem to be normal. I was so concerned that maybe I wasn't meant to be a sub because I struggled so much with all these emotions.

rottenbrat​(sub female){Skyrich} • May 10, 2020

I have said it before, and this well written and detailed post is more of the observant wisdom I have come to expect from my big marshmallow - hearted and amazingly sexy Dom. Sirsbabydoll is right. You have made me proud, but not just with this post. You make me proud every day to be yours just by being you. and if you need to maintain your reputation after the marshmallow comment then.......
*bends over, turning my head to look you in the eye, and in my low husky voice* "Thank you sir. May I please have another?"

skyrich​(dom male){rottenbrat} • May 10, 2020

@rottenbrat


Aaaaaannnnnddd *THAT* is what "well and truly caught" looks like. Welcome to Acceptance!

rottenbrat​(sub female){Skyrich} • May 10, 2020

Don't get complacent though My Love. I will still make you work for it.......