Favorite/not so favorite things to read in a profile

Favorite/not so favorite things to read in a profile

tallslenderguy​(other male) • May 10, 2020

Thought i'd start a thread on what turns you on in a profile, what turns you off and why?

i'll start with a few:

Turn on:
1. Openness/self awareness
2. Examples of who they are vs just telling me "i am__________.
3. Examples of what they like.
4. A profile with more than one word sentences.

Turn offs:
1. Nothing, or virtually nothing (they offer nothing to respond to)
2. Vague stuff: "I like fun" (this tells us nothing lol)
3. Nothing but "I'm an open book, if you have questions, just ask," (i.e., no reason to ask)
4. "no limits"

AngelBunny • May 10, 2020

I too like it when a profile is more descriptive. I like to know what a person's personality is and what their interests are outside of BDSM. I also like it when a person shares their favorite quotes or uses some humor.

It's a turn off if all a person has is the BDSM test results, please further explain why you got the results you did. It's especially a turn off if all they have is their age and what role they prefer. Also if they state something negative about a particular group of people (though really they are doing me favor because I know for sure we wouldn't get along).

House Talion​(dom male) • May 10, 2020

Favorite: seeing someone new and eager to learn

Least favorite: I know it's a thing and considered a fetish, but I hate seeing ppl that are here just for sex.

skyrich​(dom male){rottenbrat} • May 10, 2020

Oh yeah. I'm strictly monogamous, and thoroughly involved in a relationship, so not looking. But, yeah. This.

A good profile is like a good headline. It attracts the attention of the reader to the story. In this case, the profile is the headline, and YOU are the story. Take some time to fill it in, if you want to form a relationship.

Skyrich's professional tips for profile writing with the intention of finding and forming relationships.

1) No nude pics -- unless you want to attract HNGs, (See my blog "Some Definitions" if you are unfamiliar with this term). If you are after a relationship vs a quick fuck, then save the nudies for later when you already formed a relationship based on mutual interests and mental attraction.

2) Listing your location as "in a golden sunbeam" is not only useless, it's downright annoying. Give us some indication of what TIME ZONE you live in.

3) Fill out your bio or "About me" section with some relevant information and/or examples of who YOU as a person are. I mean, seriously if there's nothing in your profile, and you message me with, "Hi, I'm looking for new friends". How the hell am I supposed to have a meaningful response to that? Relationships are based on give and take. You give me nothing... so take off, eh? Put up something about your core values. You don't have to tell your life story, but give us something to relate to. (Yanno... "relate" and "relationship".... same root word there.)

4) Easy on the colors and highlights. If you are going to hurt my eyes just to introduce yourself, I'm really not interested.

5) Limits. Don't bullshit us with "none". Everyone has limits. You want to keep yours private, then just say so. It's perfectly acceptable to say: "To be discussed with a potential mate." or words to that effect. But, maybe you should state something about hard limits, just so we know you aren't into pedophilia.

6) BDSM section is totally optional. Try to avoid phrases such as "I'm new and inexperienced" -- You're just going to attract more HNGs, and you're putting blood in the water.

7) Keep politics out of it. Saying hateful, spiteful things like: "Trump supporters can go fuck off" or "Pelosi is a bitch from hell" don't really provide much for the formation of a relationship, and just prove how shallow you really are. I've formed many relationships with people who are diametrically opposed to my political views, and were honestly shocked to find out that they still liked me when they found that out.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • May 10, 2020

Thank You for the responses, i hope more are forthcoming.

There's a part of me that is on a mission here. This topic is not intended to just be a place to express personal turnoffs/ons, but i am hoping it will prove useful and educational.

my first committed relationship started at an early age, and in many ways i was still more immature than my youthful 21 years. i grew up in a non communicating family, so i didn't possess much skill and, perhaps worse, did not realize my ignorance. Add to that, i wasn't stupid (just ignorant) and so my lack of communication understanding was confusing for me.

i grew up as a reader. Books were my friends from an early age, so i acquired vocabulary and some skill. However, growing up in a family where i didn't learn about self disclosure turned me into a 'people reader.' i did learn how to observe, watch, listen, but it was all through my own filter with all it's bias, it would be several years before i learned how to ask and listen vs just listen. "Asking" for clarification or affirmation of my read, among other things, helped me learn how to check my perspective, my read, expose my bias and help me see how to see and hear more accurately than just going it solo.

Probably the hardest thing for me to learn was that some people are not mind readers (laughing), not even the ones we are closest too. my other disposition of being a (conditioned?) people reader was to unconsciously transfer that onto others, assuming everybody is a people reader. i figured (tongue in cheek here) that others were as interested and adept at people reading as i, and assumed they knew what i was thinking or how i felt just by virtue of my being. Of course, i didn't consciously "figure" that at all, it was an automatic disposition. i used to actually get angry and defensive when my former wife would ask me questions about stuff i believed she already knew. She didn't, that's why she was asking.

One day, the light came on and i realized that people do not generally know and do not see what we do not disclose (and sometimes have to affirm). I qualify "generally" because one of the great values of relationship is that we see and learn about who and how we are, not only through introspection, but in the reflective mirror of relationship. The fun/challenge of it is, we "see through a glass darkly," everyone has bias, so seeing clearly is a never ending process... and love and grace become valuable assets.

i realize there are a lot of very lonely people who simply do not know this stuff, and often wonder about the empty profiles or three word emails sent to me placing the ball of communication squarely in my court. Honestly, i often find it aggravating and exhausting if a person tries to make me carry that ball more than half the time. i believe it's a crux of relationship to share the ball as equally as possible.

But then i often hear the voice of my sub conscious saying: "they may not be lazy or uncaring, they may be clueless" lol (sorry). i'm hoping that this thread will help not only me and others who are interested in communication, but be the same sort of wake up call that i had that showed me my lack of understanding that communication is a learned skil, and no one who wants it can ever stop learning.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • May 10, 2020

LMAO. OMG, i love You... it's my luck that You're straight and in a relationship (playing).

Seriously, there are some great points here. i went right to my profile and deleted my nudies... i obviously have to much experience on hook up sites. The other one was about the "inexperience." i never thought of it as "blood in the water," but it's a good point. While i am far from naive, HNG's can be a time waste and annoying. Though i do like and want a horny Top, i'd like more than that.

skyrich​(dom male){rottenbrat} • May 10, 2020

Addendum:

Use judicious white space. If your profile is one long rambling run-on paragraph, it's going to be a tedious read. This falls under the same category of "If you're going to hurt my eyes just to introduce yourself, I'm just not interested."

9) Spell checkers are built in to most browsers these days. So spelling errors are just laziness. You're trying to make a good 1st impression. Don't let "laziness" be that impression. Bottom line: Proof-read your profile. Even better: get someone *else* to proof-read it, if you can.

10) UPDATE your profile. If something changes in your life that makes something you posted last year no longer relevant, then change your profile accordingly.

11) Don't use SMS text speak. "You" and "are" are actually words, "U" and "R" aren't. Again, laziness does not a good first impression make.

12) If you're gonna post that silly BDSM test results, then keep it to the top 5 or so, and explain *why* the test results match you. Optionally, post the bottom 5 and explain why that is *NOT* you. Also be aware that the test depends *greatly* on your mood at the time you take it. So, if you're going to post the results, see #10 above.

annabellestasia​(sub female) • May 10, 2020

Great topic!! *grabs notepad and reconsiders everything I’ve ever written in my profile 😂*

I’m sure I’m not the only sapiosexual out there & so I’ll speak on behalf of us all in that we need to fall in love with those words you write on your profile!

Help me to visualise who you are. Not just your kinks. Share a little piece of your soul, be playful but share something personal - people will read and forget what you said, but they won’t forget how you make them feel - anything that elicits a feeling of emotion, laughter, connecting with a fond memory etc.

Also my biggest freaking bugbear is reading anything negative on someone’s profile!! YUK! If you met someone in a bar, the first thing you’d say wouldn’t be “Don’t waste my time. If you’re going to ghost me don’t speak to me.” I totally get how that feels but to display it on your profile is just weird.

I’m also going to need you to leave enough mystery that makes me NEED to know more about you! 29373737373737 page essays are not great.

Writing this and feeling like more of a princess than I thought I was... 😂

tallslenderguy​(other male) • May 10, 2020

me too!! i've already made several changes to my profile based on responses to this topic.

i also am a lover of words, i find myself constantly having to edit and parse down my books into actual profiles.

Your description of how to "help [you[ visualize who [they] are" is so spot on. Don't tell me you "love walks on the beach," describe a walk on the beach that you loved. Don't tell me you "love good food," describe a meal that you loved and why. Don't tell me you are affectionate, describe to me how you like to express your affection.

Eek on the negative stuff. i may have to make yet another edit on my profile today. my "negative" stuff is an attempt to keep the type person i describe from either being that way, or contacting me in the first place. It makes me crazy to get excited by a lit up mail box, only to open it and read: "sup" or "tell me about yourself" or " i own you," so i have tried to describe those people in my profile to either keep them at bay or get them to write something of substance. As i think about it though, most those don't even read my profile... so it is just negative stuff for those who do.

Great input/advice. Thank you.

No Body​(dom male) • May 10, 2020

Personally I stay away from anyone who says they have no limits. I have limits to everything I do.
Age limits on who they will talk to. You have an age limit cool learn the hard way like I have for 25 years.
Nothing about who they are what they want and who they are looking for. I have not talk to so many because I saw something that said "no this will not go right".