About online dom/sub sessions

About online dom/sub sessions

Munchy​(dom male) • May 24, 2020

I have been in this lifestyle for the last three years and may have become accustomed to the real, physical process. However, due to this pandemic, I've been keeping out of the virtual/over the net sessions as well has not having the physical solace of an actual session. Does anyone actually do online sessions, and what are they like, and how do i get experience in it?

House Talion​(dom male) • May 24, 2020

Unless you find someone that enjoys doing stuff to themselves as ordered by others, it might not work out. Video chat is good

Mama Bear JJ​(dom female){koa} • May 24, 2020

I am someone that engages in online only encounters. Have done so for the last 5+ years, 1 year in the BDSM context. Online play was nearly a daily experience as part of the latter. Personally, I actually prefer online ... written only, or written combined w/ audio or video.

It is not something that is for everyone. It does require patience and definitely creativity, imagination, and an ability to visualize. With the right people and the right head space it can very extremely satisfying physically, mentally, and emotionally. I find it more enjoyable than in person encounters ... but that's probably because I am a writer (both erotic and generally). I enjoy the detail and the description of actions and feelings, the delay of having to wait for responses. You get a lot of little things that people miss out on or take for granted when things are in person and in the moment.

If it is something that you are interested in and you think you'd be a good fit for, you are welcome to message me. I'd be happy to discuss it with you.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • May 24, 2020

i get this.

i have a whole drawer full of toys that i almost never use that i bought in a fit of wishing and imagination. Even video chat is a frustration for me. Doing stuff to myself, using toys on myself, putting myself in a chastity cage, wearing stuff, all feels fake for me, like i am trying to top or dom myself. It almost feels disrespectful to the D/s dynamic to me. But that is me and i know we are all wired differently, even if we share enough similarities to come up with general labels like "Dom" or "sub."

i have had several Dom's approach me and want to virtually dom me. i have tried a few times thinking i may be doing something wrong, but i have come to understand i need the actual presence of a person to go beyond a certain level. i am very much into the written word (as evidenced by some of my long posts, and those are often the edited versions lol), but i cannot pull off a full on relationship with no physical connection.

Having said that, the written word can be a bfd for me, but it's more like foreplay than an end in itself. i also think writing is a great medium for getting to know a person, but i don't think it can serve as a complete method of connection or relationship.

Mama Bear JJ​(dom female){koa} • May 24, 2020

I love your longer posts ... helps me feel like I'm not the only one who is writing a mini novel when I respond to things

And I totally get where you are coming from. Physical connections are very important ... I obviously get my physical connection at my own hands or with the use of toys, while others get them from those things as well as others. At the same time, when done right (with the traits necessary to do so), virtual connections can be just as fulfilling, particularly in the context of submission. The mind is an essential part of submission, it is the first thing to fully submit (as is being discussed in another forum topic), and it is essential in getting the rest of you to follow suit.

There are Dom's that can make you cum on command without having to touch you at all, with or without you touching yourself or using toys. Yes that's probably rare, but it exists (I've experienced it numerous times myself, virtually). Virtual connections, again when done right, can accomplish the same thing. If your mind is there, as to submission or generally, based on the words you are reading, the images you are seeing, and/or the words you are hearing ... the the rest of you will follow suit and do what it is told/what comes naturally.

tallslenderguy​(other male) • May 24, 2020

Thank you for the writing affirmation.

What a wonderful response. i try to practice never being absolutist, so i should never say never. What i should say is, it hasn't worked for me so far?

One of the things that makes it difficult for me is what i call an "instadom." Some wanna leap right in, or very quickly, before either really knows the other. Interesting you mention the Dom who can make one "cum on demand" (yes please!!). i met a Guy who seems to have tons of experience and a hypnotist, and He did a lot of things that were very appealing, but He expected a lot of stuff i thought was premature... we'd only been writing back and forth online a few days, and not all that much had passed between us. When i tried to explain He was going to fast for me, not objecting to what He wanted, just at the quickness of it, He got put out. Bottom line is He wanted me to submit by bypassing my mind in stead of engaging it. i tried to be open a few times, and finally just shut down.

i can imagine a virtual connection where my mind is engaged and... collared, i just haven't experienced it, but that doesn't mean it does not exist or cannot.

PhoenixGirl​(sub female) • May 25, 2020

I recently had that experience. Where I met a guy here who started to do online dominating within a day. I didn't realize until later that he never asked a single personal question about me... so I assumed he wanted just a sexual relationship. And when I had tried to slow things down he put pressure on me. Yes or no? Tell me now. I'm a submissive. I automatically go into obedience mode. So it was hard, after a few days of intoxicating sexual online dominance, for me to have to push back and say, hey this is where I am and what I want. Is this what you want? And it wasn't at all what he wanted. It now makes me angry that he didn't want to know me at all. And then he was upset when I wasn't what he thought.

Mama Bear JJ​(dom female){koa} • May 25, 2020

No, no, no ....

Subs ... you should never, ever, EVER, be engaging in sexual encounters online or otherwise with a Dom that is unknown to you unless you have at a minimum discussed what both of you want/expect out of a relationship and/or encounter, what your type of activity you are going to engage in, and what your limits are.

Other than two people who are just looking for a one-time or repeated random encounter, you shouldn't be doing so within a few days of meeting someone either. I mean, you could meet someone so good or so perfect that you can't wait, it's possible ... but the chances of that happening are rare and clearly the situations described here were NOT that.

Being a submissive does not mean you are a doormat, a toy to be used, helpless, or powerless, and it does not mean you must instantly obey someone you have had little to no communication/interaction with. You are in control of you and your choices until questions are asked and the situation is clearly defined and your submission is earned/given or an agreement is made.

If someone is pushing you to do otherwise, or something else feels off about the Dom, trust your intuition, and either take responsibility for asking questions/clarifying things or end communication with them.

Sorry Munchy ... I know this was off topic for your original question, but it was needed

Munchy​(dom male) • May 25, 2020

That's a complete red flag. And i get what you mean by "obedience mode". However, especially in this relationship, it must benefit both parties. Not just the dom. What you faced, comes under abuse. And that's where you should always ask the experience question. Now-a-days, there are quite many of these "dominants" who actually don't realize that this is a 2 way street.
There are always a couple of checkmarks you must discuss with any potential dom and vica versa. Never choose someone who feels desperate or hasty, because patience is definitely a virtue that is required
There are definitely a lot more factors, I assume you might know all if not most of them. If not, just give me a message and i'll be happy to discuss it with you

slaveMikayla​(sub female){MstrJ } • May 25, 2020

I'm with JuicyJess, though I think our approach is a bit different. Due to my living situation real life is veeerrryyyy limited for me. There is no such thing as Munches where I'm at, and being open is just not an option.

I have had one fulfilling D/s relationship that was text only. He was creative as hell though, and generally awesome. He taught me so much.

I've had several others which were audio/video based and again, it has everything to do with how creative the person is. It can go any number of ways. I had one Dom who was VERY ritualistic. There was a set time that I was to be waiting. He would pick my clothes in advance and tell me what to have on hand. He would usually spend an hour or more on the play, and then once that was over he would many times stay and talk and debrief. We would chat throughout the day, but when it came time for TIME. *thumbs up*

I've had another who was very fly by the seat of the pants and whatever he was up for at the moment, that's what we did.

I've had one final one who was very interested in teaching me to be very adept at specific things. He hated the term "training" when we met, but came to admit that it was exactly correct and had a very important place in our relationship.

For me, text based encounters are far less fulfilling. I need to see his face, see his eyes, hear his tone of voice. I also don't "play" casually. That just isnt it for me.

I did have one Dominant who was helping me get the answer to a specific question in regards to Massochism... that was a horse of a very different color. He was a different breed and I appreciated his time very much. He was similar in approach to the ritualistic one in that I knew what time to be there, what to have on hand.... but i was never allowed to see his face, i also was never aware that he was getting anything out of it (which i appreciated).

I hope this has helped at all.

~The Velveteen Slave