Utterly at a loss..

JD Dom​(dom male) • Jun 9, 2020

I sent you a mail earlier inviting a conversation between us. I didn't realize what your recent trauma was or I would have held back and not have sent that. Consider it withdrawn.

Having said that, I consider myself a caring soul in general and offer myself in the friend/shoulder/ear category. I have people here who would vouch for me in that regard. (References available upon request.) That was intended to hopefully wrest a wry smile from you.

I so regret when I hear stories like yours. People like your ex make it so hard for genuine Doms to find subs who are ready to trust and consider a relationship. But I know it's fact. I've heard too many heartbreak stories like yours. It's just your time to weather the storm. A little saying that I personally take comfort from is this: Your whole life, up to this point, you have overcome EVERY SINGLE THING that life has thrown at you. And you will overcome this, too.

JD

MissBonnie​(dom female){oz} • Jun 10, 2020

I've been going through this for quite awhile and haven't even realized what it was till I saw this and now I'm crying because it all makes sense now. He was so severely abusive to me mentally emotionally verbally physically but I stayed because I was young and because when he wasn't being abusive he was a pretty okay daddy to me and it felt great and since I finally got out of the relationship a little over 3 years now I still was experiencing this and found my self almost wanting to call him to see if it fixed it even though I know it wont . But now it all makes so much sense so I guess thank you for making a post about what was happening with you because know I know what it was that I was experiencing too [/quote]... end quote

(edited to fix quote that wont fix)

I'm so very sorry you went through this sunflowerbaby. What you describe is abuse, not BDSM. I know you think you've found a reason for then way you feel and that feels good. We all seek that clarity of cause but its not subdrop.

Subdrop doesn't happen from a bad experience, in short its actually cause by to much of a good thing, stopping suddenly and the chemical makeup of your brain taking some time to revert to its natural (state) levels. This recovery and normality doesn't take three years. On average its a day or two of feeling low, in EXTREME CASES a maximum a week or maybe a fortnight. Any longer than a few days the sub needs to truly question themselves, on if what they are experiencing is good for them and on if they really should continue to put themselves in that situation. submission is supposed to have WAY more highs than lows!

What you're describing is a form of PTSD or emotional trigger to abuse. What you describe could be likened to what they term Stockholm syndrome. Stockholm syndrome is a psychological condition that occurs when a victim of abuse identifies and attaches, or bonds, positively with their abuser. This syndrome was originally observed when hostages who were kidnapped not only bonded with their kidnappers, but also fell in love with them.

Take some time to heal you. Take some time to distance yourself. BDSM should build you up, not tear you down! subspace is only a temporary bump in other wise happy and content life.

LuceeLu • Jun 10, 2020

Hey lilWolfie, my friend said he was going to send you a message. Would it be alright if he gives you a message from me?

lilWolfie​(sub female) • Jun 11, 2020

Of course Lucee.

slaveMikayla​(sub female){MstrJ } • Jun 11, 2020

Honey 4 years of a relationship is a hard thing to just *get over*
All of the ladies above are right, it will just take time to get things right in your heart.
The best advice I've been given after my VERY similar relationship of a year and a half ended, was to sit with the pain. Don't necessarily associate with it. When it comes, and boy does it, just sit with it. Don't try to rush through it, or push it away, just exist inside of it and let it pass. It is HARD to do, but I think it is probably working better than anything I've done in the past for sure.
My inbox is always open.

DrWakko • Jun 11, 2020

I think this sounds like the classic case of someone who moved on before they are really ready. You might be ready for a relationship but you might not be ready for play or the D/s aspects now.

Slow the relationship down and go at your own pace.


DW

A Few Thoughts

mature breastman • Jun 12, 2020

As others have said, your story is heart-wrenching, but also deeply honest and, therefore, shows glimmers of hope.

Most everyone here can relate on some level. I know that I can, but it is different for you because you are a uniquely beautiful soul, your own version of perfection. Some of what I'm about to say will strike you as overly simplistic. I'm ok with that Some of what I am about to say could be flat out wrong for you. Trust your instincts.

Be gentle with yourself. Lean hard into your own self-care. Take a longer bath. Have that favorite wine. Wear your prettiest dress, just to remind yourself of how beautifully you present yourself. Consider writing -- a blog, a journal, a letter to him you will never send. But tap into your inner self through the power of the pen.

Most of all, remember that there is no way around, there is only a way through. DO reach out. DO allow others to support you. DO remember that this too shall pass.

You are so brave to write to all of us. Bless you.

lilWolfie​(sub female) • Jun 12, 2020

Thank you very much Mister . That really made my day to read.

LuceeLu • Jun 12, 2020

You have us all to lean on LilWolfie. You are not alone. I love what Mature Breastman has said...he’s right!

You do you, and we’ll be here if and when you need us. 🤎